Internet security warning about Bostitch stapler B300HDS.

[sturmhauke]

So I’m at work, waiting for some junk to install, when I look over at a heavy duty stapler. There’s nothing else to do at the moment, so I try to figure out how to open it for reloading. After a few minutes of futile prying, I google the model number. I can’t find any instructions, but I did find this little joke on what appears to be an otherwise serious website about computer security issues (scroll to the bottom):

It was discovered late last night in the Neohapsis lab (http://www.neohapsis.com) that the Neohapsis stapler is vulnerable to a buffer overrun caused by staples labeled “Standard Staples.” It appears that the manufacturer of the stapler has not performed proper bounds checking, and the insertion of staples other then those labeled “for use in Stanley-Bostitch models B300HDS, B320HDS-FC, and B310HDS” results in a race condition between you, and the stapler. By placing an unchecked staple cartridge in the stapler, malformed staples, in pairs of two, are ejected - rendering the product useless.

This condition was discovered during a routine 3AM stapling in what we believe to be a Denial of Service (DoS) attack. Based on our initial forensic work, we believe the attack was initiated sometime in the past 24 hours. Neohapsis personnel discovered this attack during the precise moment of impact when the “Standard Staple” attempted to discharge into the “Standard Report.” The stapler insisted on issuing the malformed staples, in pairs of two.

[NurseCarmen]

I’ve got a Swingline.

It’s red.

[TellMeI_mNotCrazy]

From the same report:

It is also suspected that Russian KGB agents, in pairs of two, (or maybe just one Russian dude) have begun putting Gummie Bears ™ (in pairs of two) into the printer again which has resulted in an acute case of Cronic Paper Jamming (CPJ). This is the second known Denial of Service (DoS) attack that has been initiated on critical Neohapsis infrastructure in 24 hours.

Dunno why, but the bolded part (my bolding, of course) made me giggle.

[Draelin]

We had one of those staplers in my former office, and Neohapsis is correct about the incompatibility and subsequent dual-staple ejaculation.

When that office closed, rather than return the stapler and its possible terrorist connections to our parent company, we chose instead to incarcerate it in an archive box along with several thousand SEC-required stock trade records and sent it to a life of imprisonment in an Iron Mountain archive in Princeton, NJ.

On the off chance the stapler should escape, do not attempt to approach the stapler. It is armed with standard staples, and should be considered highly dangerous.

[Ponder_Stibbons]

I love this sort of thing. The use of modern technical terms to describe technical woes for “old-fashioned” equipment is often quite funny. I guess you could call this sort of thing a staple of internet humor.

[TellMeI_mNotCrazy]

@Ponder Stibbons

I love this sort of thing. The use of modern technical terms to describe technical woes for “old-fashioned” equipment is often quite funny. I guess you could call this sort of thing a staple of internet humor.

I’d toss you a rimshot, but I don’t think you’d hear it over my groaning

[Rufus_Xavier]

I only have an old B2200. Where can I download the upgrade?