Into the Mind of Flakes

A while back an acquaintance of mine called me up to go bowling with another friend or something along those lines. I was in the middle of doing laundry, and said as such, but said that I would be available in a few hours. He agreed to the new time and said that he would come and pick me up. That time comes and goes and he doesn’t show. I call his phone and he doesn’t answer. I figure something came up and continue about my business. A few days later I see him and ask what happened and he says “Oh, we decided not to go”. :confused::confused:

It wasn’t the first time he did something along this line, and I wasn’t the only one it happened to. I get blowing off someone that you don’t want to spend time with or standing up a date, but why would you call and schedule something for a few hours in advance and then break the commitment with no communication.

Are there any flakes out there than can explain? Others with similar stories?

It doesn’t help to complain to him now, if you want to be invited again, so wait until you are invited again and agree and then remind him he flaked last time and to be doubly sure this time and call if he changes his mind etc, which he will agree to. It will miff him a bit to be told he was a flake, but since you will have a new activity immediately following, he will not be able to hold a grudge long before it’s obscured by later events.

flakes, flakes
they won’t fix your brakes
you say ‘where’s my motor?’
well it was eaten by snakes

Well, my toilet went crazy
Yesterday afternoon
The plumber he says
“Never flush a tampoon!”
This great information
Cost me half a week’s pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day ay-eee-ay

I can’t explain, but that has happened to me more than once. After a while I figured I was the type of person people felt they could walk all over, so instead of hiding my annoyance at being treated this way, I have started to show it. So far, that’s worked better for me.

What’s worse is the female friend who makes plans to do something with you, something you’re really looking forward to, and then at the last minute cancels because a man has asked her out for that night (obviously at the last minute). Because doncha know, being asked out by a man trumps hanging with a same-sex friend any time, right?

I don’t know about females, but for young males the rule is any chance to get sex with a female invalidates any plans you have with your male friends.

Hos before bros huh :smiley:

Unless she has a loney friend of the proper gender and orientation for your friend.

Damn Right!

I’ve flaked out on someone before because she had been continuously verbally abusive to me and I made a personal resolution to start avoiding her.

So…are you a dick?

If not, I have no answers for you.

I have a three-strikes-and-you’re-out rule.

If I extend an invitation to the same person three times in a row and they flake out on me in some way, I stop extending invitations. If I extend an invitation three times in a row and the other person never reciprocates and invites me to something, I stop extending invitations.

So I would employ the same rule in this situation. First, you have to communicate your expectations in order to teach people how to treat you. Set the boundaries, as it were. So call your friend and ask, “Hey what happened the other day? I dropped what I was doing and got all ready for you to pick me up and waited and waited…”

{Insert friend’s lame-ass excuse for boorish behavior here.}

“Oh, I see. Well, I get really angry when I’ve made time for something and nobody can be bothered to tell me that I can now re-utilize my time to do something else with it. If you decide not to do something you’ve invited me to again, will you please call me and tell me that? Then I won’t be sitting around my house stewing about being blown off and I can use my time more productively than sitting and waiting. I’d really appreciate that.”

You aren’t asking for an apology. You aren’t being a complete dick. You are simply letting the other person know that you thought they were rude to you and you find that unacceptable. Or, you could simply let them know, “Okay, but if the plans change and you don’t show up within 20 minutes of the time we agreed on, I’m moving on and doing something else…”

I would not remain friends with someone who pulled this crap on me more than once. In fact, I’d have called my friend about ten times until I got 'em on the phone to find out if the plans were on or off. If the flake thinks I’m such an abhorrent asshole (as in Electric Warrior’s example), then A) I can’t be responsible for changing my behavior if you don’t tell me what it is that hurt you and B) I don’t respect anyone who treats me with passive-aggression. Be up front. Tell me I’m being an abhorrent asshole and you don’t want to hang around with me anymore. I appreciate it when people tell me the truth.

Then again, I don’t disrespect my friends by making plans and blowing them off either. If someone is counting on me to be somewhere at a certain time and place, because I’ve agreed to that plan, then they deserve the courtesy of a phone call from me if I decide to bail at the last minute.

In short, just say no when you mean no. Don’t agree to something and then passive-aggressively tell me no by pretending we never made plans.