So this girl and I have been flirting back and forth for a few months now and running into each other and always saying “we should do something.” Pretty casual, really. Anyway, about two weeks ago, we made plans to do something one night. I waited, waited, got no phone call, and invited over a buddy to watch a movie instead.
Days later, I get a message saying she lost her cell phone. Fair enough, accidents happen. Two days ago, we’re talking, and she says that she’ll call me tomorrow night and we’ll see about doing something. Nothing set in stone, but I was expecting a call. So I kept that night open and went about my business, cooking dinner and cleaning up, etc.
The entire night passes without so much as a word, so a little after midnight I sent her a message saying that was “two nights you’ve wasted” and intimated that I wouldn’t be trying to see her again. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice…ya fool me can’t get fooled again.
OK, maybe it was a bit snarky. But I was cranky.
She seems apologetic and genuinely didn’t seem to know that I was honestly expecting a call. But at worst I’ve been blown off, and at best it seems that I would be getting involved with a flake. Doesn’t really seem worth my time.
Just to satisfy my own curiosity I would’ve called her that second time to see what’s up. That way you could hear it from the horse’s mouth that she either forgot, didn’t want to, or was doing something else…or, perhaps more suprisingly, you would’ve gotten together as planned.
Maybe that’s just because I cannot STAND waiting for phone calls, even from friends, so I’m more likely to call them myself.
Either way, her behavior was rude and I wouldn’t appreciate it. Either she’s a total flake or she’s one of those people who says things she doesn’t really mean and thinks nothing of it. I have a friend like this; whenever she says “Let’s hang out!” she really means “I’ll totally forget I said this when you call me later!”
Ditto what Red Barchetta said. She’s a flake who is enjoying wasting your time. Let her apologise, but if/when she suggests doing something, don’t let it interfere with your plans. FWIW, if that response was snarky, uhm, just call me Beyond The Call of Snarkdom. Your response, given the situation, was quite acceptable.
Lost cell phone is understandable, but failing to call when you’ve said that you will (especially after the cell phone mishap) indicates that you’re probably not that high a priority for her… or maybe she’s just a huge flake who never calls anyone when she says she will. As you said, neither is worth your time or effort.
Personally, if I’m really into a guy, not only will I call when I say I will, I’ll make excuses to call more often (and possibly get a hold of his MSN and/or email as alternate means of communication).
One suggestion, though. Next time this comes up, make specific plans! The whole “I’ll call sometime on x night and we’ll make plans” is setting yourself up for failure.
Definately one of my pet peeves. If you tell me you’re going to call, it better be on your list of things to do. You only get to “forget” a few times before you have no credibility at all.
Tried this a couple times with a girl… yes, definitely felt the whole fool me twice bit. I’d say she’s just not that into you. If you do want to try one more time (I know, I’m kind of an idiot like that, too), I second the definite plans to call and you call her. Otherwise, just go out with friends and if she does happen to call you can tell her “We’re drinking at X, you can come meet us if you want.”
Either a flake or not into you though from where I sit. Sorry dude.
You aren’t misreading the situation. She’s a flake, and not interested besides.
Being interested when she’s talking to you and not interested when you aren’t face to face is the same as just not interested.
Don’t waste time with flakes. They are like tarbabies that can only make you the stuckee.
Two lost evenings is only the beginning with them, so count yourself lucky to get out without
Here’s why: You called and left a message telling her she wasted two nights. But, she probably heard, “You are a waste of time.” So, even if she still had been interested in you I very much doubt she still is now.
Then again, I’m speculating on what a woman may be thinking, or guessing as to how one particular woman’s mind works. I am almost certainly wrong, and in truth she may be secretly flattered that you would be even mildly upset about her not calling you when she said she would. So don’t give up just when you’ve gotten her interest.
Then again, If you do continue to contact her she may begin to feel threatened, so it may be better to just walk away from this one and not look back. In fact avoid her if you do happen to see her for a good three months. But maybe not.
If you haven’t already you might want to read this. It’s the Onion, I know, I know, but there is some really great advice in it. I think.
Sorry… what? I’m going to need a little help to understand this particular bit of advice, because right now it seems way off base.
Not that any of us were in on the OP’s actual conversations with Ms Flake, but I don’t read anything between the lines that would fall into “threatening” territory, or even into the merely “creepy”. She’s the one who said she’d call and then didn’t… “creepy” would be where he demanded a call and then got upset with her when she naturally didn’t, and “threatening” would be where he told her that actions have consequences. There’s nothing here to warrant a 3-month disappearing act.
(for the record, “creepy” is also when you think you’ve been stood up due to routine misunderstanding, leave two angry messages within a 10 minute space, followed by a third declaring that you’re going to go on a weekend-long road trip with your friends, much to the surprise of your date when she calls after her 8pm pilates class… that, my friend, was CREEPY)
Even if you do manage to actually have a date, I don’t give you very good chances of having an actual relationship, because it sounds like you have a basic incompatibility there (you expect people to do what they say they will, and she obviously doesn’t feel like she has to do what she says she will do). I’m on your side here; nothing burns me quite as much as people who say they’ll do something and then don’t. I’m not fragile; I can take it if you don’t want to call/go for lunch/take a cheque to the hall for me, but if you say you’ll do it, then freakin’ do it.
ETA: Sorry, forgot to answer the actual question. Yes, what you did was appropriate. You gave her a fair shot, she blew it, you let her know what your expectations are. Good enough.
Am I the only person who has read this thread and thought to himself ‘dear god, if ForumBot was interested in this girl, and they’d made tentative plans, why didn’t he phone her?’
Go and get her if you want her, you sat around and the opportunity passed you by. Its as much your loss and your fault as hers. It sounds like she was just as much in danger of getting involved with a flake as you were.