[QUOTE=ForumBot]
Yeah, there was a specific time.
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If I were to stand someone up due to circumstances beyond my control, I would try to make it up to them. If it were someone I have not met, and I really did want to meet them, I would contact them as soon as possible and propose another meeting with a definite time.
If this person did not do this…then she probably doesn’t really want to meet you. Move on.
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
Yeah, there was a specific time.
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The first instance, I mean. The second instance was simply not being called when expected to be (with the understanding that we would probably be doing something).
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
<snip> Anyway, about two weeks ago, we made plans to do something one night. <snip> she says that she’ll call me tomorrow night and we’ll see about doing something. <snip>
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Yup, there were definite expectations that she did not meet (both times - when I say I’ll call you tomorrow, that means at some point tomorrow your phone will ring and I’ll be at the other end of it).
I’m not really sure why you didn’t call her, though, at any point. I would, if only to say “WTF?”
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
To gauge her interest. I know now that she’s not that into me or a flake.
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Possibly she was doing the same thing to you?
Pardon my bluntness, don’t be a pantywaist. Screw the passive-aggressive act, if you want to gauge someone’s interest next time then actually call them up and suggest an activity. If she turns you down, she’s not interested.
Texting her with a complaint and a suggestion that you won’t see her again, and then coming on a message board to complain, that’s acting a little flakey to me. It doesn’t excuse her rudeness, but it does make me eye that rolleyes smilie a little 
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
So this girl and I have been flirting back and forth for a few months now and running into each other and always saying “we should do something.” Pretty casual, really. Anyway, about two weeks ago, we made plans to do something one night. I waited, waited, got no phone call, and invited over a buddy to watch a movie instead.
Days later, I get a message saying she lost her cell phone. Fair enough, accidents happen. Two days ago, we’re talking, and she says that she’ll call me tomorrow night and we’ll see about doing something. Nothing set in stone, but I was expecting a call. So I kept that night open and went about my business, cooking dinner and cleaning up, etc.
The entire night passes without so much as a word, so a little after midnight I sent her a message saying that was “two nights you’ve wasted” and intimated that I wouldn’t be trying to see her again. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice…ya fool me can’t get fooled again.
OK, maybe it was a bit snarky. But I was cranky.
She seems apologetic and genuinely didn’t seem to know that I was honestly expecting a call. But at worst I’ve been blown off, and at best it seems that I would be getting involved with a flake. Doesn’t really seem worth my time.
Does it seem like I’m misreading the situation?
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It sounds like you have been wishy-washy going after this girl. What you think have been solid commitments probably haven’t. If you want some advice, grow a pair of testicles and ask this girl on a real honest to goodness date. No more ambiguous commitments, and no more passing the responsibility onto her to set things up.
Seriously, you’ve been flirting for a few months and haven’t asker her out. What’s wrong with you?
Once upon a time, I “met” this guy in one of the online personals. We’d emailed back and forth a few times, talked on the phone once. He seemed nice, funny, interesting. I hope I seemed the same. We’d gotten to the point where we decided to meet for coffee.
We both had busy schedules that didn’t mesh together well, but we managed to set aside one late evening. I had a meeting earlier that night, so the plan was that I after my meeting, I’d head back to my house, and give him a call. That night, the meeting ended early, I rushed home, went over to my computer (where I’d saved his number) and the machine was dead. Deader than a doornail. The fan wasn’t going. The lights weren’t coming on. Nothing. Just a lump of circuitry. I tried everything I could think of to get that thing to come back to life. Nothing worked. And so I couldn’t call and I couldn’t email and I couldn’t do anything about it because very few computer repair places are open after 9:30 on a weeknight.
Two days later, when I did get my computer back from the shop, I called and apologized as profusely as I could. He said that he didn’t really trust me because I’d flaked out on him and didn’t call when I said I would.
So… give her a chance to explain. There might be a legitimate reason. Of course, she might just be a flake.
It sounds like the first time she flaked out and decided not to go but did not know how to get out of it other than to just not call. Even if her cell phone was lost did a friend not have one should could borrow or use a pay phone?
The second sounded again like a flake out as well but since there was no set plans she really can’t be blamed.
I don’t think you read anything wrong. She obviously has other prioritys that came before you twice. Move on to someone that is more interested.
Your response was a little snarky but since you had already decided not to persue the matter further it really won’t effect anything.
It was always me initiating. Well before this, I was always trying to get something specific set up and couldn’t get a straight commitment (I’m out of town, etc) or I had to work. I scheduled the first day, called several times that time. Between these two nights, I called a couple of times trying to get something solid hammered out. The best I got was an “I’ll call you tomorrow night”, I figured it was her turn.
[QUOTE=treis]
Seriously, you’ve been flirting for a few months and haven’t asker her out. What’s wrong with you?
[/QUOTE]
Because I’m not all that terribly interested in her. It’s a passing attraction that I figured was worth a shot; if nothing happens, no skin off my nose. Maybe I had a shot. Not worth the effort, though, IMHO. I have a date tonight with a much more attractive girl that I get along with better and still another on Thursday. Pursuing a girl that’s either not into me or a flake is a waste of my time.
[QUOTE=SomeUserName]
It sounds like the first time she flaked out and decided not to go but did not know how to get out of it other than to just not call. Even if her cell phone was lost did a friend not have one should could borrow or use a pay phone?
[/QUOTE]
I think most people get numbers and enter them onto their cell phones. No written records or memorizing, at least in my experience.
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
Because I’m not all that terribly interested in her. It’s a passing attraction that I figured was worth a shot; if nothing happens, no skin off my nose. Maybe I had a shot. Not worth the effort, though, IMHO. I have a date tonight with a much more attractive girl that I get along with better and still another on Thursday.
[/QUOTE]
Perhaps the woman in the OP sensed this, or wasn’t interested but taught to never say No. Sounds like it would have been a lukewarm affair all around.
We are missing an important piece of information. Is she hot?
[QUOTE=treis]
Man, text messages are the greatest gift from God to passive-aggressive people.
[/QUOTE]
Amen. It’s also a great way to be coy.
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
Because I’m not all that terribly interested in her. It’s a passing attraction that I figured was worth a shot; if nothing happens, no skin off my nose. Maybe I had a shot. Not worth the effort, though, IMHO. I have a date tonight with a much more attractive girl that I get along with better and still another on Thursday. Pursuing a girl that’s either not into me or a flake is a waste of my time.
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I was with you right up until this point.
If you’re not interested in her, what does it matter if she’s a flake or not.
If you were interested, made some definite plans and she left you hanging, then you’d know she definitely wasn’t interested. Calling her a flake or any other thing doesn’t change that. Same outcome.
[QUOTE=ForumBot]
It was always me initiating. Well before this, I was always trying to get something specific set up and couldn’t get a straight commitment (I’m out of town, etc) or I had to work. I scheduled the first day, called several times that time. Between these two nights, I called a couple of times trying to get something solid hammered out. The best I got was an “I’ll call you tomorrow night”, I figured it was her turn.
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Clearly, she never had any interest in you whatsoever. But she didn’t want to hurt your feelings, so she made excuses, again and again and again, figuring you’d either get the hint or get tired of asking. Forget the missed phone calls, she said “no” a long time ago, she just couldn’t put N and O together.
It sounds awfully flaky, but rejecting someone outright is hard. You say “we should do something sometime” and she responds “actually, no. I don’t want to do anything with you.” It may be true, but damn, that is hard to say to someone.
I think this is a common misunderstanding between women and men. To women, friendly conversation may be just that, it’s not necessarily “flirting.” And even flirting may be just that - with no desire to take it further. I think men are more likely to think that friendly conversation and/or flirting is intended to lead to something (if the woman in question is attractive, that is) and get frustrated when it doesn’t. And when it gets to that point, the woman doesn’t want to hurt feelings by saying outright that they aren’t interested, so they dodge and act “flaky” in hopes that the guy will catch on eventually without changing the friendliness you have.
[QUOTE=Rachael Rage]
It sounds awfully flaky, but rejecting someone outright is hard. You say “we should do something sometime” and she responds “actually, no. I don’t want to do anything with you.” It may be true, but damn, that is hard to say to someone.
[/QUOTE]
Oi, seconded. I say give the girl a break. I’m a pretty outspoken person but when a someone asks me if I want to do something I always answer somewhere in the neighborhood of affirmative. What else am I going to say?
“No, I don’t want to ‘do something sometime’ because I’m not attracted to you so now backpedal and say how you only meant it in a friend way so you can try and make me feel like a dick? You were totally asking me out right there, busted! Denied!”
“Yeah, I want to do something but you’re my backup plan and I’m kind of seeing someone so, you know how that is. Things aren’t going great but I’m not going to turn off my hookup on the chance you might call. I’ll pencil you in but don’t hang your hat on the date. I might not be able to even text you a cancellation so you have to roll with it.”
Nobody says these things. Someone asks you to hang out, you say okay, then later something comes up or it doesn’t work out. Since the answer is always yes, the conversation that goes let’s-hang-out-call-you-Wednesday is meaningless. Nothing is happening until the call.
[QUOTE=Cat Fight]
I think most people get numbers and enter them onto their cell phones. No written records or memorizing, at least in my experience.
[/QUOTE]
Ah I see. I am pre-cell phone age when we actually wrote down a persons phone number.
Ya know that brings up a question. Do these young whipper snappers end up with a bunch of odd phone numbers in their cell phones and they have no idea who the person is? I had numbers on bar napkins and in matchbooks that I found later and could not remember who they were.
:::trots back to the old fogey thread:::
[QUOTE=Red Barchetta]
She’s a flake; forget her and move on.
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Agreed. She’s a flake.
In the future however, if she says she’ll call you, tell her you don’t know when you’ll be available due to some other plans you have immediately after work, and tell her YOU will call HER. That way you put her in the seat that is waiting for a call, and if she says she has other plans when you call, you know she’s dodging you and is not interested. If a girl is interested, she won’t loosely make plans with someone and then blow you off for some other crap. Sure, things can happen, things can come up that are more important than a date, but that’s not usually the case.
But ya, this is a pretty clear cut case. She promised to call, then didn’t call. That’d be enough for me to forget about her and move on.
[QUOTE=SomeUserName]
<snip>
:::trots back to the old fogey thread:::
[/QUOTE]
And by “trots” you mean “dodders?” 