Long story short, I gave my number to an attractive librarian, but I haven’t heard from her. I gave her 8 days, then sent her a message/friend request on Facebook. Still haven’t heard back. That was 9 days ago, 17 days, I guess, from the number exchange. Given the cut of her jib, it’s a distinct possibility that she hasn’t seen that Facebook message.
I know what everyone’s thinking-she’s not into you, but here’s the thing-in person, she’s given (what I take to be) several signs that she is into me such as-
-I caught her checking me out a few days prior to the # exchange.
-After I gave her my number, she introduced herself to me (and I to her) “officially” even though we’ve seen each other more than a dozen times and have had at least half that many small interactions.
-After the number exchange, she bragged to me about an athletic accomplishment.
-She went out of her way to speak to me on #D+6. (I had to go, so I sort of pre-empted any chance of speaking about getting together or not)
I guess those are the pros, while the cons would be (obviously) the total lack of communication thereafter and the brusque way I treated her 6 days after the number exchange. Also, the day I gave her my number, I initially asked her what she was doing after work (it was near closing). She said she had plans to run with a friend (She is a runner, so I didn’t take it as a brush off-at the time, anyway.)
I guess that’s about it. For the poll, I was thinking of contacting her again via her (publicly available) work email. Or not. I leave it to you. Also, I haven’t seen her in person since #D+6, so the ‘let it play out naturally/seek answer in person’ carries the distinct possibility of me never seeing her again (if she’s switched jobs/libraries, etc.)
So, for the poll, should I-
Leave the poor girl alone/stop being a creeper.
Try to message her via email.
Let the situation play out naturally/seek an answer in person.
By the way, I don’t know how well giving a woman your number has worked for you in the past. For all I know you’re 60 and have been using that technique to score since before I was alive.
In general though, putting all the burden on the woman you’re interested in isn’t a good strategy.
I’d say let it go and leave the ball in her court, unless and until you see her again in person. I definitely wouldn’t email her, but if you see her again, ask her if she’d like to go out sometime.
Right, which leads me to say he should send a polite email reminding her. There is really nothing for him to lose and everything to gain, and the worst it can be for her will be to cause her some mild irritation as she deletes it. The possible upside, for both people concerned, is hugely greater than any possible downside. For all we know she might be dying to call, and have lost the number, or she may be putting off calling through shyness, and just needs a little extra push.
This particular woman just isn’t going to happen. Other times you do everything right and the woman is confusing or hard to read. In that case, leaving the ball in her court or leaving the door open can make sense. It’s an acknowledgement that pursuing it even more would seem desperate but that you can’t be sure what she’s going to do.
On the other hand, you started off from the very beginning by giving her your number and making her do all the work if she wanted a date. I’ve known lots and lots of women and I’ve honestly never met one who would say, “I really like the way he didn’t ever actually ask me out, instead forcing me to be the one who risks rejection.”
I don’t mean to be harsh. I just thought you could use some generally applicable advice.
I don’t understand the results of this poll. Assuming the OP is being honest and is accurate in his judgment of one particular aspect:
1/ she hasn’t called him but as many have said, women often want the man to call her and not the other way around
2/ she hasn’t friended him but she isn’t into facebook, so that means nothing.
Ask her out already. Then you will have an answer. All this fiddle faddling around and over analysing and posting to message boards is all an excuse to avoid facing up to doing what is necessary and which will resolve this matter pretty much for sure.
It’s not every day you meet a hot librarian who can lift a 50 pound bag of fast-setting concrete mix with her teeth, but let’s be honest, once you’ve passed Poundy Plussicks with no response, things are looking grim.
I know that sounds harsh but I wish I had received this no nonsense, no excuses, get the hell on with it advice far younger than I did. Stop putting it off. Your third answer “Let the situation play out naturally/seek an answer in person” just screams “passive”. Women don’t like passive. There is no such thing as “situation playing out naturally”. There is only you asking her, as soon as you can, firmly and politely, or there is you being a dweeb. Referring to “playing out naturally” is just another way of saying “letting it slide”. Man up.