Giving your phone number to ladies (a poll)

In a discussion with a younger fellow yesterday (late 20s), he told me that he often opted to give a business card (with his cel phone # and e-mail addy on it) to a young lady if he felt that they’d hit it off at the end of their first meeting. He sometimes chats up women in public (on subways, in museums, sitting on park benches, etc.) and at the point they have to separate, he takes a card from his wallet, and says “Give me a call sometime,” rather than ask for their numbers, which he claimed would be a little aggressive, forcing them to make up their minds on the spot whether they want to date him. This way, he assumes all the risk (they have all his contact info, he has none of theirs so any nutjobbery is going to land on him) and it shows a certain confidence that they enjoyed meeting him.

I asked if he ever gets called back, and he admitted “Rarely,” at which point I suggested that maybe asking for her phone number might get him better –or at least faster—results. He suggested that he had only tried this with a relatively small number of women—ten or a dozen over the last few years—and thought he was simply running in bad luck.

I have to admit that his approach made a little sense—it’s somewhat intimidating to give your contact information to a stranger, even an attractive stranger, whom you’ve known for only ten or fifteen minutes –so I thought I’d broaden his limited poll to a few teeming million respondents. So:

Ladies: Would you be more likely, less likely, or just as likely to call up a guy who handed you his contact info as you would to give him your info? Does it put you off to call, or is it okay?

Gentlemen: Have you ever done this successfully? What’s your ratio of calls-received to info-handed-out? If you would ALWAYS ask a woman to give you her phone number, why do you prefer to do that?

I’ll take a first stab at this.

I try to keep my work and personal life separate and so handing out my business cards would involve me getting calls at numbers I have reserved for my work life. I don’t think that making up a set of business cards just to pick up women would be a good idea either.

As for my success at asking for number I’d say that 70-80% of the number I receive are either fake or the messages that I leave never get returned. I doubt this number would change if I were giving out numbers at least based on my friends 20-30% success rate is about average.

Call the number on his card vs. give my own info? I’d probably be more likely to give my number, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’d call him back (sometime I’d give the right number but just change my mind later, sorry). But if it’s call from his card vs. return his call, I’d say it’s equal. If I were interested it wouldn’t make any difference between the two approaches.

For an encounter with a stranger, I also think that the guy giving his card is more polite, although I would like to hear something with a little more enthusiasm than “Give me a call sometime”. For example: “Hey I’d love to talk more about X. If you’re interested maybe we can meet for a drink? But I’ll leave it up to you, let me give you my card.” So in sum I think you’re friend should change his closing message, if “Give me a call sometime” is indeed what he is saying.

“Give me a call sometime” summed up my understanding of what he actually says. I have no idea what words he “closes” with.

I think part of his thinking was that even if he successfully got a phone number, it would likely be a phony one. This way, he has his info in her possession, if she has second thoughts about that cute guy she spoke to last week.

I hate talking on the phone, so if I meet a guy, I’d rather be given his number than be asked for mine. If you give me yours, I can decide whether and when I’ll call you. If you ask me for mine, I need to decide right away whether I want to talk with you again later, and then I need to tether myself to the phone while I wait for you to call. And I’d hate that.

I am pretty agressive so if I were single and interested in a man I would probably give him my number first because I am just forward like that. If I hit it off with a man and he made the first move this would be the method I would want him to use to ask me out. I would be much, much more likely to go out with a guy who had the courtesy to put the ball in my court and managed to do it without scrawling his phone number on the back of a grocery receipt.

That being said, if I found him to be pushy/creepy/unattractive/someone I wouldn’t normally date/whatever there is no pick up method in the world that would get me to call him back. I have had men force their numbers on me after being told I wasn’t interested and I am sure the next week they were just dumbfounded as to why I didn’t call them. :rolleyes:

I’d rather have his number. This has worked well for me in the past. However, special business cards would creep me right out. Just write it on a scrap of paper.

I would never, ever give my phone number to someone I had just met, unless we had absolutely completely hit it off with like huge magic sparks or something.

But then, I wouldn’t call someone who I didn’t know who gave me their number, either.

Basically the whole idea of exchanging numbers and/or going on a date with someone when I’ve never spent any time with them before creeps me the hell out.

Note: This does not preclude drunken flirting/hooking up at a party thrown by a mutual friend. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you want to talk to them afterwards!

So… you’d fuck a stranger, but not buy him a drink? :confused:

I agree with this. If I’m talking to a guy and he gives me his card and says “call me sometime” I don’t know if I’d call him, even if I enjoyed talking to him. Partly because it would be intimidating for me to call someone who’s practically a stranger to see if he wants to meet up. But, if I’m talking to a guy and we were talking about something specific, like about the local art museums and galleries, and he said something like “give me a call next time you want someone to go with you to a gallery opening,” I might give him a call. I would be easier to call him that way.

You do understand that when a guy says, “give me a call sometime” to a woman (or gay man, if he swings that way) he means “give me a call if you’d like to fuck,” right?*

Similarly, if he says, “give me a call if you need someone to visit that new museum with you” he means “give me a call if you need someone to visit that new museum with you with a view to retiring to chez moi afterwards for sex”.*

*May not apply to all men. Void where prohibited. Calling guy is not a guarantee of sex.

I’d rather have his card. I’d be pretty unlikely to give out my info to a relative stranger. However, I wouldn’t call. I might e-mail if I was very impressed, but I’m not a phone person. Nice to have the e-mail address available. I think this is a good approach–even if you don’t get a high return, there is little to loose, and it doesn’t put the woman on the spot.

I have personal cards with my name, mobile number and email address on them (but that’s all, and they look pretty stylish). I’m pretty liberal with them, if I make a connection with someone I’ll give them out and tell them call me or drop me an email if they want to chat more/go for a drink/coffee. I do this for potential dates and potential friends too, it’s not just a dating technique.

I’d say the return rate was pretty low, but better to try than not, eh? I’d rather do it this way than have to ask for someone else’s number because it can be quite exposing to ask for someone’s number and (as others have said) even if you get it that’s no guarantee that they’re interested or going to speak to you when you call. At least if you give someone your number and they call you know for sure they want to speak to you.

I think that I can be of some help here as I’m speaking from experience.

I used to give out a contact card to any fit woman whos aquaintance I made and I can honestly say that it resulted in a 90% response rate.

On the card it stated that I had a huge dick,was an incredible lover(Both of course100% true)and wasn’t too fussed if looks and bodywise she wasn’t actually Jennifer Aniston.

O.K. the responses consisted mostly of having dog shit put through my letterbox or attempts to set my house on fire,and of course there was the time a womans brothers attempted to stab me but any attention is good attention.

And I know the little stratagems of the fairer sex when it comes to pretending that they’re not too keen,the little minxes!
And anyway the O.P. only asked what the response rate was NOT whether the responses were good or not.

By the way for any women on these boards who are a bit desperate or rough looking ,I’m still available and if you agree to put out I’m even willing to have a bath.

Any response is a good one, isn’t it? “Hi, there, that’s a very nice turd you’re putting my letterbox–i’m glad you decided to get back in touch…”

Illuminatiprimus–should I be offended you didn’t hand me one of those cards last week?

You don’t need my card prr - you already have access to my email and mobile number. Sheesh, do you want a bunch of flowers or something?


Jeez, I couldn’t tell you my ratio off the top of my head. But I’ve done it, sure, and gotten positive results. I just think it’s the considerate thing to do, for the pursuing party (whichever that is) to give his/her number so that the pursued can decide later whether to call.

The interesting one was where I wrote my phone number on a slip of receipt paper and slid it discreetly into one of my customers’ bags, back when I worked at a costume store a couple of Halloweens ago. You could say that it was partly successful; we ended up having quite a lot of sex, but she also stalked me, which was less than pleasant.

I ask for the number. In my experience women are too shy to call you back.

Plus women dig the whole aggressive thing.
Also, I learned REAL quick that you’re not impressing any woman by being overly sensitive worrying that you might be making her feel a little uncomfortable by asking for something as benign as a phone number.

OK I’m painting with a broad brush but you get the point.

I’ve done that with 100% success. Of course, I only did it one time.

I was at a bar with some friends from work when an attractive woman came in with a date and sat at the bar. The bar was pretty crowded, so when we ordered a round she took the drinks from the bartender and passed them to us. I flirted with her a bit each round.

As we were leaving, I extended my hand to shake hers to thank her for her help. I had cupped my business card in my hand so her date wouldn’t know what was up. She played it cool.

She called a couple of days later. The fact that I pulled this off made me legendary at work. Some people thought it was mean to horn in on some guy’s date, but I figured that if he had any chance with her she wouldn’t have been flirting with me.

I probably wouldn’t call him back, but if I gave him my # and he called, I probably wouldn’t pick up either.