So I just took a 5 hour cross country red eye flight and somehow managed to make a connection with a very attractive lady sitting next to me with her kids. Amazingly enough, I managed to successfully interpret her signals which apparently did say to me:
[ul]
[li]Yes I am single.[/li][li]Yes I don’t mind you talking to me.[/li][li]Yes, I my warm smile and eye contact does actually indicate interest.[/li][li]Yes, I actually don’t mind you walking up to me at the baggage claim and talking with me some more.[/li][li]And then to my utter amazement, “Yes, I would love to get your contact info so we could go do something sometime” as she took a little note and email address I had scribbled on a piece of paper.[/li][/ul]
Sheesh, I left the airport in a bewildered daze. I cannot believe I actually navigated that situation without either total rejection or some humiliating blunder. I mean, I think there is actually a 50-50 chance she will contact me…
So I have 3 questions.
First: In such a situation, should I try to push to get the contact info from the lady? I mean, if I get their info, then I have the control of whether we ever speak again? Now that I left it all up to her, she may never contact me…either out of laziness or she may come to her senses- both situations I want to avoid.
Second: In my 34 years, I have done this sort of thing no more then 5 times- especially someone I have just met. I am curious if other people navigate this type of situation way more. (Admittedly, I am just recently single again after 7 years of marriage).
Men: How often have you met someone in a completely chance and random situation and given the person your number or email?
Women: How often have you been given the phone number/email of some guy you just met in a fairly chance/random situation?
And, you might distinguish between bars and situations where most people are there for the same reason, and just random life encounters where you have to seriously work just to figure out if the person is single to even begin any sort of flirting.
It is entirely appropriate to ask to exchange contact information; however, she may be unwilling (quite reasonably) to give out anything more personal than an e-mail address, and given the perception of threat from unknown men, it is a reasonable precaution. On the other hand, I have had absolutely no luck offering up only my contact information and getting any response; if I don’t get a number or e-mail, then I consider it a complete write-off for future contact, although this is obviously not always the case for everyone.
I suck at this so I am no exemplar for your query, but this is at least as effective way of meeting potential romantic interests as meeting people in classes or activities, possibly as much as on-line dating (at least, in my manifestly unfruitful experience) and far better than in bars or at work. The only more consistently better method I see is through friends or associates, which at least offers some filtering and commonality.
Good luck, and next time exchange information. Or, you can write your contact information in a book and sell it to a used bookstore in the hope that she’ll get the book as a present from her fiance the night before her wedding, chuck everything, and run into your arms. 'Cause that always works in the movies, except the ones directed by Richard Linklater.
OMG, you just utterly killed whatever buzz I had left over from that encounter. :smack: So now rather then feeling kinda good, I get to feel like a dope who completely mishandled the situation lol!
Hey, she might call you back. Single mothers typically don’t have that many social outlets, and meeting someone who knows that she has children and isn’t objecting to it is definitely hopping one hurdle. Don’t count your catastrophes before they collapse. And besides, if nothing else, you had a positive meet/flirting experience, which just helps reinforce the notion that maybe you do have some clue about this business after all.
Again, good luck to you, and if you don’t hear back from her, move onto the next opportunity.
Thanks to Stranger’s extremely DIScouraging response, making me believe there is little to no chance of this attractive young lady emailing me…I decided to see if I could figure out who she was. It took about an hour.
She had told me the name of the company where she worked, the name of the major company she used to work for, the number of people at her company, her job role, and the major companies her company worked with. As it turns out, that was a hell of a lot of information and within 1 hour, I now know her name and have found her facebook profile and her LinkedIn profile.
Now I have a giddy buzz just from my happiness at succeeding in finding her…although maybe I seem like a wierdo stalker now?
So, now my new question becomes… Do you have any suggestions for what I do now? How long to I wait to see if my hand written note actually summons an email by her? I am very tempted to just send her a facebook message today, with our meeting very fresh in our minds…but maybe that will seem rather quick… I dunno. I think I will wait a couple days then send her a facebook note and see if she replies.
Oh and do you think I am a wierdo stalker cause I tracked her down?
On the Nora Ephron scale of things I don’t think that even qualifies as interested, much less to the “wierdo stalker” level. In the real world, it’s a little hinky, but if you wait a few days and don’t hear from her you could always send a message with a self-effacing premise like, “I realize this is a little weird of me but after we met I really wanted to know you better and regret not asking for your info…”, et cetera. Then you seem less creeptastical and just more resourceful and interested. What do you have to lose, anyway; either she’s impressed and responds (score!), or she thinks that you are a creep and doesn’t respond (boo!) which would leave you effectively in the same position as her never contacting you in the first place (boo!). So I’d say that there is no loss…but give her a few days to see if she dials you up first.
It is very inappropriate to track someone down like that. If she didn’t give you her Facebook address then don’t contact her through it.
Frankly your mistake was in giving her your info instead of getting hers. They usually don’t call even when they really liked you, especially if they met you “out in the street” as it were instead of through friends or something similar.
If she doesn’t call you then too bad. Now you know what not to do. And next time try getting their phone number (Ask for it. Don’t just expect to get it because of your charm) rather than their email, its better to have a live conversation than emailing each other back and forth; also, there is no chance of her accidentally erasing one of your emails or of it going to her junk mail this way.
It’s not usually a good idea to depend on the desperateness of people to improve your chances of going out with them. After all, he wants to go out with her but he’s not calling either.
Hmm, yeah, using an hour on tracking her down is not something she should know of. Maybe you could pretend that you spotted her name somehow (on her luggage?), and then did a facebook search and recognised her picture. 1 minute used there.
All of this transpired in TWO HOURS? Sheesh, guy, give the woman a chance! She just got home from the airport with children and baggage!! And here’s what she’s possibly thinking:
“Hmmm, that guy was really cute… No, you can’t have a cookie! Put that down!.. I wonder what he’s doing right n— leave your sister alone! Will you two just go outside and play? I need to unpack. Where did I put his number?.. Here it is. Can’t call him today, or tomorrow. I don’t want to seem too forward. Maybe next week.”
For more information on “seeming too forward”, see the various threads on having sex on the first date, asking the opposite gender out, etc. People have all kinds of rules about what women are and aren’t supposed to do.
Myself (as a girl), I would wait at least until the next day to call a guy.
Edit: one more thing. I would totally call a guy who gave me his number, if I liked him. Would and have. Then again, if I liked him that much, I would make sure he had my number. But I’m fast. YMMV
Well…there are two very different responses. I am now very curious what other people think.
I would totally agree, if I asked for her info and she said, no, but accepted mine…which did happen to me once before…then clearly she did not want me to have her info. Basically a brush off.
But, I didn’t think this crossed the line too clearly. She seemed interested and told me enough about her to rather easily track her down…and I did not actually ask for her info… When I gave her my info and said, “Maybe we could go play golf sometime.” She responded with a big smile and said, “Perfect!”.
I don’t know if I will actually email her if she never emails me… I tend not to be very aggressive like that. After all, if she had given me any indication she wanted me to leave her alone at the airport, that would have been it, I would have left her alone. And of course, not emailing me is a rather clear indication of “not real interested anymore…”
Still, I might do it. I really have nothing to lose if she never emails…except self respect I suppose if she responds angrily over my abuse of Internet resources?
ho hum…maybe if I waited outside her office and pretended to run into her…(just kidding!)
Maybe I’m missing something, but if she told you the name of her company, can’t you just call her at work? That doesn’t imply stalking at all, since she TOLD you where she works.
Under the same logic he could also go to her desk and ask her out. Work adds a different set of rules. If she didn’t tell you you could then don’t do it. You can’t just call her at work to chat, she’s not your girlfriend yet.
I for one think you handled it well. There’s no way I would have given my contact info to a guy I met on a plane. His asking for it would have seemed forward/creepy to me. Give *her * time to Googlestalk you. If I were interested in the guy, I would follow up. How’s *your * Facebook and LinkedIn doin’?
If she doesn’t contact you, I think that is a reflection that she “just wasn’t that into you,” not that you could have closed the deal if you’d only asked for her number.
If she doesn’t contact you within a week, I think it would be OK to give her one call at work (you’ll probably get voicemail) and see if she’d like to meet for coffee on her lunch hour. Where work gets creepy is if you are a coworker or customer. Otherwise, IMHO, it’s a pretty nonthreatening place to meet. It’s not her house, people will be expecting her back after lunch, etc.
So you meet a guy, sit next to him during the whole duration of a plane ride, talk to him in baggage reclaim, you really like him and would like to see him again, but still you are afraid to give him your phone number?
Yes, this is a true statement. Because at that point he’s still a virtual stranger. If you had/have a daughter, would you advise her to give out her number in that situation? I realize that some women would give out their number, and that’s their choice, but I think a significant proportion would rather not be asked for it.
Well a significant portion can give me a break. I don’t know how they expect to meet new people if they shy away from good chances. I don’t have daughters so I don’t know what to tell them. I have female friends and I know what I would and have told them: If you like him so much then give him your phone number if he asks.
I really appreciate all this feedback. It’s like I have an intelligent circle of friends…which I wish I did…but I really don’t…but you guys are a perfect substitute!
Sounds like you did it perfectly, ready29003. You were right not to push for her contact info. I’d wait and see if she responds. As others have pointed out, as a single mother, she probably doesn’t have a ton of free time, so I wouldn’t sweat it that she hasn’t gotten in touch yet.
Not afraid, but wisely cautious, I’d say. I’m sure **ready ** is a great guy, but she met him randomly, not through friends or work, where other people can vouch for his bona fides. As a single mother with young children, she’s wise to be discriminating about which strangers she gives her phone number, too. It’s easy enough to get an address from a phone number, and she doesn’t want some dude showing up on her doorstep unexpectedly.
Let’s see, that was Saturday night at 11pm… It is now Weds… She has not emailed… Hard to believe that she didn’t find me so irresistible she had to contact me… Anyways, a good friend of mine is telling me to wait at least until Saturday and then send her a little note… Funny, how part of this is simply that I want to be successful in the little connection…It’s not that I felt she was the perfect woman for me or anything… I would just enjoy the feeling of “Hey I successfully made a connection and maybe even had a date with someone new…”
Morning after I felt a strong 50-50 chance of her contacting me… Now I am down to a 10% in my mind…
