Went camping this past weekend with a group of friends/friends of friends. Long story short, got chatting with this stunner of a girl and bam, instant crush. As the night went on there was some good reciprocation of physical contact. No nothing crazy intimate, more of the PG-13 hand touching nature.
Anyway, the night ended without any opportunity to escalate things. Well there was but I’m a dubber and did not capitalize at the right moment and was later surrounded by too many other people as the night closed out.
So this leaves me in my current state obsessing over the one that got away! I would like to get to know this girl better but failed to get her number. Party in the mountains = no cell phones to get down those digits with. I will see her again in a few weeks at another party but I kind of wish in the mean time I had her number to start building up some tension with.
Option 1: I can track down her number via a mutual friend. Awkward I know…the ice breaker on that text may be hard to formulate but in the long run a few texts to keep my name in the game might do wonders…
Option 2: I can wait the few weeks out but drop subtle hints to our mutual friends that I was diggin’ her. Never know what they might carry over inadvertently…
Option 3: I can wait the few weeks out and hope that the time part works in my advantage and not to my disadvantage…
Variant on option 1: have the mutual friend talk to her. “Hey, you know that guy? He’s kinda gone on you. Funny, right? But I know him, and he’s okay. What do you think? I have his phone number here…”
Do young people not use social media at all anymore? When I was single, if I really couldn’t get a woman’s phone number for some reason I’d friend her on facebook and start chatting with her. Not ideal, but sometimes you don’t have the chance to exchange numbers.
#2 and #3 are chickenshit. So is #1 as you’ve written it.
Asking someone out is as awkward as you choose to make it.
“Hey mutual freind, I was really into that girl. Can you give me her number? Thanks.”
“Hey girl, this is noob. I liked talking to you the other day so I got your number from mutual friend. Let’s get drinks at Cool Bar this friday.”
Done.
I once had a guy that a met at a group event call me. He said, straight up " I hope you don’t mind but I wanted to call you so I looked up your number in Ed’s Rolodex when he was out at lunch."*
And I didn’t mind - I liked it that he took the initiative and asked me out without bringing our mutual friend into the equation. That might have look like he was asking permission or approval and I really didn’t want Ed and other friends treating us like an instant couple or something. It didn’t amount to anything more than a few dates but I did like the confident approach.
*Ok, this was a long time ago, I guess the modern equivalent would be getting the number off your friends phone when he was out of the room
The thought of initiating dating via text is so bizarre to me. It’s so impersonal and has so many ways to misread tone. Get her number and call her. Actually talk to her with your voice.
I prefer the OP’s subtler approach. You are guaranteed to see this girl at a party in two weeks. I wouldn’t ask her out straight up. I probably wouldn’t talk to her at all over the course of a couple weeks and let the tension build.
Spend the next two weeks not even thinking about her. This way seeing her at the party is a pleasant surprise and not a “OMG WHAT DO I DO I LOVE YOU” moment.
I think getting her number from a friend and texting her will do you no good and will possibly turn her off. It looks a little desperate. Similarly, calling her out of the blue is risky with little upside.
I remember being in a similar situation many, many years ago.
Options 2 & 3 are wrong, wrong, wrong. Women love confidence and initiative and they love to have a guy lay it on the line for them. If you wait two weeks she will see that as disinterest and she may have gone cold on you and she may be with someone else etc.
You must crash or crash through. Send her a direct strong message that you are very keen. She may well be very impressed that you put in the effort, in which case you will be well on your way. She may blow you off. If so, too bad, so sad, you were probably never going to get anywhere anyway.
But if you do something chickenshit, she will be unimpressed and you may well blow what might otherwise have been a good opportunity.
In short, do what Furt said. I wish someone had given me this advice at an earlier age, and beaten me over the head with a stick until I followed it.
Met a girl at a party and got on really well with her but didn’t have a chance to swap numbers at the end of the night. She’d mentioned where she worked so I just called her office a few days later. Only to find that she’d quit and gone traveling to Australia for a month.
So I waited the month out and then spoke to a mutual friend only to find she was now dating a guy called Alex. I kind of gave up and started seeing another girl who was also called Alex. Things didn’t work out with her and about 6 months later I was at another party and bumped into the original girl. Her Alex hadn’t been a success either and this time we swapped numbers.
That was 17 years ago and we now have 3 kids, so sometimes if it’s meant to be it will work out. Also, Alex and Alex got together shortly after and they’re happily married too.
“Hey <name>, it’s <name> from <event>. <Friend> gave me your number, hope you don’t mind. Really enjoyed meeting you, would you be interested in <event, e.g. grabbing coffee> with me some time?”
I would have written someone who needed a matchmaker down as “not enough cojones to talk to me, how is he expecting to survive our first disagreement?”
If you’re seriously interested, go with Option 1. If not, wait it out; either nothing will happen, or a new passing acquaintance you have a crush on will come along soon enough. This is not a big deal. Just text her and see what happens.
I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s really hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie. You know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet.