Should I ask this girl out?

As I mentioned yesterday, I found someone’s work ID on the street. Figuring she’d probably want it back, I managed to track her down. I called her at her job, and made arrangements to meet her after work to return it. When I did, we spent maybe a minute or two chatting, then parted ways.

I’m impressed. She’s a very likeable girl. I’d love to spend some time with her. Not in a romantic or sexual way – OK, that’d be fantastic – but I just don’t see it happening. She’s way out of my league (she’s, like, model beautiful), my age range (she’s half my age, tops), and height range (her nose could say hello to my sternum).

But I’d like to be friends with her. I could see us going on walks together, or to movies, or whatever. Friend stuff.

I have her number, because she gave it to me, but I’m not sure if a social call is a good use of it. We transacted our “business”, and by all rights I should have disposed of it by now.

Is there any way I could call her without coming off as some skeevy middle-aged creep? What approach might I take?

How old is “half my age, tops”?

I once read an article in a magazine that said the minimum age for a female paramour is half the man’s age, plus 7. I don’t say that as gospel (or to incur a feminine wrath) - I think people’s common interests, personality quirks, et al. are most important in a relationship.

Perhaps, though, it provides food for thought.

Meanwhile, I would think that if she gave you her number, it’s a sign you are allowed to call her.

Why don’t you wait another two days or so and give her a call and see if you can strike up a natural conversation with her that isn’t to awkward or forced and maybe one thing will lead to another.

Tricky. I’m not sure how you’d differentiate a ‘friendly and would like to get to know you better’ vibe versus a ‘you found my work ID and got it back to me - thanks I’m really grateful!’ vibe.

You only have her number because you arranged returning her ID, it’s not like she gave it to you.

I guess you could give her a ‘hey, just ringing to see if you’ve lost any other IDs lately so I know whether to be on the look out’ comedy-type call and see how she reacts. But my gut instinct tells me you’re reading too much into her friendliness.

I’d love to be proved wrong though!

Sadly, I don’t think there’s any way. Your only (slim) chance would be if she happened to mention some interest during your two minutes of conversation that would give you an opening. E.g. “Oh, thanks, I must have lost that on my way to the sailing regatta.” and you happen to be in need of crew for your boat.

But failing that, I don’t think there’s any way a call out of the blue would be charitably interpreted by the young lady as an attempt at a platonic friendship.

Think you’ll have to be content that you performed a mitzvah.

No! How can you do this to me?
It’s because I’m married, isn’t it? Sure, bring that up! :stuck_out_tongue:

On second thought, she only gave you her number so you could return the ID. So, I guess it’s not a sign that you’re allowed to call.

On third thought, what the hell is the downside? This girl that you were never going to see again turns out to never see you again? Or, this is the woman of your dreams, and fifty years from now, you’ll have the story memorized: “I first met my wife when she lost her ID…”

Well, there’s that, and the fact that you live hundreds of miles away, and stuff.

Can you bring up something you were chatting about? “Hey, I know you were talking about (subject) the other day, and I just read this article about it I thought you should check out.” (Google is your friend.) That’s a little more natural.

No way, man. She gave him her number as part of a necessary transaction (returning her ID). By that rationale, since I gave my DSL installer guy my phone number (to tell me when he was there so I could let him in my house), it’s now OK for him to call me to go out for a beer. So, sooo not OK. :eek:

No idea, but I’d guess maybe 22ish. Not that there’s no precedent for this – I was once friends with a girl of nearly identical description. Like this new girl, even of Vietnamese descent. But we met through work, and she had a talent for making friends with pretty much everyone on the planet. You probably had dinner with her last week.

I was thinking something along the lines of “I was going to go for a walk around the pond, and was wondering if you’d like to join me.” To counter her inevitable mention of a boyfriend, I might say something like “OK, I just thought we might do something together as friends.” Yes, I’d bold that last bit. :wink:

If we talked about anything other than lost IDs, I’ve forgotten it. I know where she works, so I suppose I could ask her about actuarial tables or something.

Yeah, that works. :rolleyes:

Here’s how I would handle it:

You call her, mention you’re the guy who returned her ID. See if you can strike up a conversation on any of the possible topics you talked about during your 2 minute conversation. See if it seems awkward. If it is, apologize and tell her she seemed like a great person and you felt like you needed to take a chance that you might establish a friendship, but that you don’t want her to feel wierd. Let her know you’ll leave her alone, maybe drop her your e-mail address if she wants to get in touch with you, and then leave it at that. Don’t try to contact her again, don’t send her christmas or birthday cards or anything…

If it goes well, then it’s up to you to make it work or not.

No, don’t ask her about her “actuarial tables.” Don’t ask her about anything that makes your inner 13 year old go “huh huh… he said _______.” :wink:

Don’t do it. Very few girls want to actively develop platonic friendships with guys twice their age, even if she believed that’s why you’re calling, which she won’t. Largely because it’s not true: you like her and would date her if you could. Not the basis for a strong friendship. Friendships really need to grow naturally from regular casual contact – how many of your male friendships started with you inviting them for a walk after talking to them for two minutes?

Feel free to ask her out – the worst that happens is she says no. But personally, I’d just let it go.

I don’t think there’s a way to handle this gracefully and not put her in a really awkward position.

So you don’t remember talking about anything other than her ID… but you think she’d make a good friend? Right. So is it the height or model looks that you think would make her especially interesting to be with? (This is why I’ve never dated a stranger. By asking me out on the spot, before hearing, you know, all my witticisms, they’re basically telling me they only care about my looks.)

Where did you two meet? If it was a bar or something, you could try going there occasionally, with friends, to see if she shows up. Does she have your number? You calling her is breaching… something. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a great guy for returning the thing, but another call might come off as… stalkerish. Though you could always begin with ‘I don’t want to sound like a stalker, but was wondering if you’d like to go for a drink…’ or whatever. Then never phone again if she turns you down.

How about donning a trenchcoat and standing outside her bedroom window in the rain, holding up a radio blasting “their song?”

Just ask her out on a date. Worst result- she says no. Like Wayne Gretzky says, the shots you don’t take never go in the goal.

** Giraffe’s ** got it right. Girls don’t particularly want to be friends with guys twice our age*. **Askia ** scolded me once, saying I should try to be friends with the 60+ YO man who was hitting on me. But I really have nothing in common with him. I suppose I could learn a lot from him, but at the same time, I do have other people in my life that I could learn from.
Also, I am not totally sure of the scenario. Did it go like this:

You find ID.
You somehow find her work number.
You call her and meet her and give her ID.
She says kthxbye.

Or like this.

You find ID.
You somehow find her work number.
You call her and meet her and give her ID.
She gives you a different phone number at that point. Or the same number. Just makes it a point to give you a number.
She says kthxbye.

The second one is a clear hint. The first one - if you called me after the first one every nerve in my body would be screaming DESPERATE MAN! RUN FOR THE HILLS! And I’d never call you back again.

But that’s just me.

*There are exceptions. But even the exceptions I see usually develop into romance over time.