Ok here is the deal: Last Friday night, I ran into a old high school classmate. I asked if her name was such-and-such, and then told her who I was. She was very happy to see me and we talked about 15-25 minutes. She was very sweet and looked incredible. I have always admired her. She was surprised that I recognized her after all these years. I asked her if she would like to go talk somewhere, but she said was with someone. She told me she is not married, which I have no reason to doubt. I don’t know how “into” this guy she is. She simply called him “her friend” when she told me she wasn’t with someone. The unclear situation of her being with this male individual, I didn’t ask for her number, or give her mine.
My question is: She is in the phone book… I was thinking of sending her a very brief note about how much I enjoyed seeing her again, and tactfully give some type of invitation for us to meet again and chat. Or perhaps, simply give her my number in the letter and say something like, “feel free to call if you’d like” Nothing too eager.
Should I send her a card or something, just call, or leave her alone? I would really like to see her again. I have an unfortunante feeling that even though she likes me a lot, it could seem “invasive” to just up and mail or call from the phone book, unexpectedly.
I guess I should have “carpe diemed” when I had the chance and given her my number and/or address. :::sigh:::
Try to “accidentally” meet with her again. Then ask her for her number . . . or give her yours, and tell her you’d like to talk or see her again some time.
Does she have any reason to say no? Did you ever do something to her she hated you for? If not, good luck.
Call her or write her a letter with a polite but sweet invitation to go have a cup of coffee or some small daytime activity, nothing too personal and formal at first.
I would sent her a short letter. I would find it perfectly acceptable for a male friend to do that to me. I would go ahead and include both your phone # and email so she has multiple ways to get ahold of you. Sending a letter keeps you from an awkward situation. Hope that helps! And next time get the phone number!
A single red rose with aforementioned tactful note. I know, it’s a dusty cliché, but women do love flowers.
Caveats:
Do not send a dozen. She’ll think you turned into a weirdo stalker.
Do not send them to her home. There’s a good chance her boyfriend will be there when they arrive and this could lead to some substantial problems for all involved.
I do humbly suggest you do something. Missed opportunities are frightfully haunting. I know from experience. I have recently made a pledge to myself to take opportunity over embarassment. So far I have been embarassed twice.
You know what? Regret lasts a lot longer than embarassment.
In the letter, remind her of who you are, and that you met the other day. Also, let her know that you got her address from the phone book because she will probably wonder how you got it (you don’t want to come off as a stalker).
Include your phone number and your email address. You may want to ask if she has an email address as well. Inform her that you’d like to meet up with her for drinks, but don’t actually set a date in that initial letter.
Let her respond to the letter (either by sending you a letter, by calling you, or by emailing you), and take it from there. It’d be a plus if she took the initiative and set the date in her reply, but if not, set the date in your reply.
And if she doesn’t respond at all, or if she responds that she is not interested, don’t send a reply. You’ll only come off as desperate and make things worse.
Just call and casually mention that you’d like to meet and talk. Lunch or coffee is a non-threatening situation.
What’s the worst that can happen? She can say “no.”
You’ve lost nothing by asking.
“I hope you don’t mind my calling, I can’t talk long … but I was hoping you’d like to meet up for coffee some time next week?”
If she says yes - you say: “Great … how does xxxxx sound at xxxxx on xxxxx?”
if she says yes - well done, quick chat then make an excuse to go and finish with “look forward to seeing you on xxxxxx”
if she says she doesn’t want coffee - sad but you have to live with it
if the day you suggest is bad then say well … how about xxxx (where xxxx is the day after) and then finish with, look, gotta go - I’ll call you a bit closer to then and tee it up."
THEN - and this is the trick … (recently told to me by a friend of mine)
call that day (or the night before) and tee it up then …
Works like a charm …
there is a 3 day rule … call within 3 days you’re desperate.
call after 3 days - you’re a bastard.
Good luck
Something about a postcard seems so harmless, and not
“too” personal. I like postcards. They come with a picture you can put on your fridge, and it’s meant to be short and pithy.
You might try finding a cute postcard, or a scenic one. Send it to her, write a short, chatty little note, and include (at least) your email address. Say something simple like “It was nice seeing you again!” Go for it. It’s worth a shot!
Second of all: Whatever you do, do something! ANY lame-brained attempt to ask her out is better than doing nothing.
Third of all: Do not compel her to do the work of writing you a reply letter or making a return call she may not want to make. So, if you can muster the courage, I say go with pLt’s plan. (Hey, we TV guys have to stick together – even if he is on the other side of the world.) And Vandal makes an EXCELLENT point about telling her where you got the #.
Fourth of all: If the phone call is just too damn scary (I know it can be… nothing to be ashamed of there) go with yosemitebabe’s idea. The postcard thing has a really, really nice touch to it! But apply some of Vandal’s ideas, especially about including your email so she has that option to respond – email is SO much easier than a real letter, but not as nervewracking as a phone call.
Fifth of all: Do NOT try to “accidentally” meet her, and – unless she’s 17 or younger – DO NOT do the flower(s) thing!
From a single woman’s point of view… Do exactly as pLt says. Seriously. Quick phone call. Casual. She’s probably interested if she mentioned she wasn’t attached. Just go for it, and try not to sound nervous. As for that 3 day call back rule … I don’t know where he got that, but I got a laugh out of it. Leaves a very small window between desparate and bastard. Good luck.
A flower says “I know I only met you again the other day, but I’m interested in being more than friends” – that’s going to scare some people off right away. A phone call says “Let’s catch up, see if we hit it off as friends”. If you’re serious, it’s far better to take it slowly than it is to rush in.
The postcard thing sounds cute (I would like that…)
It would be really cool if you could find a postcard of your school, or someplace/thing that has to do with the place where you grew up. Might bring back nice memories, and/or a desire to talk about “old times” with someone who was there.
Call her…the only thing she can do is say no. Call and ask her out to dinner. Eight months ago I ran into a couple of guys that I knew from high school. One of them looked up my number and called. I wasn’t attached and we went out to dinner. We’ve been seeing each other ever since. I was married 17 years and have only dated three other men since my divorce in 93. One of them turned out to be a real creep. I was beginning to think that I might as well hang it up. Then an old friend comes along and calls. It’s been fun, relaxed and we have so much in common, a shared history.
Besides I personally like a man to take an interest in me. I don’t want anyone crude taking an interest but a sincere interest from a gentleman is always welcome. Even if this woman is dating someone right now, you could still be friends. I don’t know about you but I just can’t have to many friends, especially good ones.
I second the postcard. I think i short note is your best bet here, and i wouldn’t think you were a pyscho if you sent me one. She said he was just a friend, so just leave it at that.
I agree with ply. I think a phone call would be best. You could just say that you’d like to get together and catch up on what’s been going on in her life since high school. The worst thing she can do is say no. More than likely she’ll accept your invitation and when you get together you can find out if she’s dating someone or if she’s unattached.
As others have said, Do Something!! There’s nothing worse than a lost opportunity!!
Eiwwww, do NOT send flowers. Or a flower. That is beyond creepy. If I got a flower from someone who I recently ran into, I would lock all my doors and get a gun.
I’m with the folks who suggest calling and keeping it very casual and laid back. Nothing makes women run and hide if she smells desperation.
Do NOT send the flower. while “women love that sort of thing” - this does NOT mean we LIKE having some casual contact result in a gift. creepy, in my opinion.
calling has it’s pitfalls - you can catch some one at a bad time and/or cause problems if she’s semi attached but trying not to be (which is one interpretation of "I’m not married but ‘with a friend’)
Postcard has the problem of being out in the open to anyone with access to the mailbox, which, if she’s living with the guy but trying to exit, would be a problem.
I like short little note/card, go for light, humorous, “enjoyed bumping into you”, wanna go for coffee (daytime thing perfect “drinks” not a good idea -too many potential problems - if she’s in recovery for example), multiple ways of getting in touch (phone, address, e-mail) and definately mention you looked her up in the phone book as to how you got the address.
but by the time you read all these, you’ve waited almost too long already - go to the card shop, NOW… good luck.
Sending a letter keeps you from an awkward situation. Hope that helps! And next time get the phone number! 