Ladies...please help me be Don Juan instead of Bumbling Bob

I was at a party the previous eve, and I met a charming and beautiful young lady that literally rendered me speechless. I watched her for awhile, then when she disappeared to a different room I asked the group she was with a few details. Boyfriend? Age? Single?

I got pleasant answers and her associates encouraged me to talk to her, insisted that she was a very smart woman, very sweet, and in need of a good man. It took me another hour to build up the courage to even introduce myself…an unheard of thing for me as I am one of the most confident people I know. I usually have no qualms about talking to anyone…but I was nervous…amazing to me, but very very true.

I spoke to her, actually for awhile…the party went on for several more hours and I continuously found myself in her vicinity looking her way. I told her friends that I found her stunning, and I decided I would ask for her number in hopes of seeing her again. As the party began to end…she was hanging around looking my way so I went up and boldly requested her info… At the time, when she responded I thought I had struck out horribly. She told me that she doesn’t date, so no I couldn’t have a number, but then proceeded to tell me where she works(retail store) and mentioned she would be there tommorrow. I thought I was done…I tried, I got shot down, I said my goodbyes.

I spoke later to her friends and was told that this is how the girl is, she is very proper, and very restrained. I asked if they thought I should drop in on her at work and they said, yes…definitely. So therein lies my dillema.

This is the strangest situation I’ve ever found myself in when pursuing a woman. I have no clue what to do next…

Do I show up feeling ackward and out of place and say hi, ask if she’d like to get a drink somewhere or whatever after work? Should I send flowers with a card? Do I try to call?

My idea is to send flowers with a card that says something like:

For: The girl that doesn’t date.
From: The guy that would like to change that.

Is that too pathetic? I really really like this girl, and even though I feel like I got shot down I want to take another go at it. I’m willing to look like a fool to get told no…I just really want a chance with this girl…what is my best chance at impressing enough on her that I’m really interested?

You have all the info…so ladies…



-SS :frowning: :slight_smile: :eek:

well, from a Previous Don Juan’s point of view, show up at an odd time when she least expects you, and when Business is a it’s slowest, so she will be in the great need of company. bring her to a cafe,and strike up a conversation. in my humble opinion :slight_smile:

but the biggest mistakes us guys make these days, is with so much technoledgy, nothing is that personal anymore. so if you really want to impress this hearthrob, talk to her in person.

Previously Don Juan, now Ad Noctum

Sure, show up. Wait-what kind of store is it? Target/Walmart, a clothing store, a card store, a book store??

Umm…sweetie, I’m sorry. I would die if someone sent me that. Now, I am admittedly a non-romantic. How old are you, how old is this girl?? I mean, I think any woman over about 25/26 has heard something like this.

Go see her at a time when they shouldn’t be too busy-I would think morning hours. Tell her hi, that you enjoyed meeting her, blah, blah, blah. Then give her your number, e-mail, whatever. That way, she is in control. And before you leave ask if you can stop by again. Be polite, but not pushy. If she is quite proper and does not date, then you don’t want to scare her off.

I’m 21, she’s 21

So you would die as in, Thats pathetic, cheesy, ad nauseum or as in you would like it?

It’s a Pacific Suncoast Sunwear, but she manages it so I dunno if that means she sells too or what.

Looks like I’m going to be dropping by
a store soon…

Should I mention dinner, coffee, anything? She works in a huge mall so there are plenty of very close convenient options including a food court and several coffee shops.


if you have a nice car, bring her suggest a great coffee bar you know of out of the way a little, so that way she sees that you are a man of knowing where everything is, and a man of class.
of course though, you are courting her, so she gets the last say on EVERYTHING.

make sure you are looking sharp, and if you work somewhere where you can dress up a little, do so. and see her in that. that way she can see also, that you are a man who is not afraid to dress up alittle from time to time. but most of all, make her feel special.
Good luck :slight_smile:

I thought the flower idea was a better one than dropping in on her at work,personally. But that’s just me, work is, you know, work, I’d feel pretty awkward having a strange guy just drop in, seems a bit close to stalking, it would frighten me, but she did tell you where she works so she might like it. Giood Luck.

Okay, just some warning, I’m not exactly…well, too good at this stuff myself. I’ll try giving advice, though, and maybe it’ll work, since I’m not the one doing it.

I think that showing up at work is the way to go. But, per other suggestions, don’t be pushy, and look nice. And don’t look for some excuse as to why you’re there, like “Oh, my great aunt needs some sunwear, and I’m picking it up for her.” Make it pretty clear that you’re there to see HER, but don’t be pushy.

Again, go when it’s not too busy, and just ask for a cup of coffee or something. Let her have the final word, though. Best wishes!

Try using proper grammar. I’ve found that usually somewhat impresses ladies.

Plus, I seriously doubt she is a girl. Go with lady or woman. Respect is always a good thing, in my experience.

I wouldn’t do the flower thing. She sees you trying to change her, and she may not like that. Get to be friends with her above anything else. Spend time with her.

If you’re going to go over to where she works, make sure that’s an acceptable thing to do where she works . . . it mightnot be. Best to be safe rather than show up and have to leave a minute after you get there.

Proper grammar? I fail to see where the grammar was incorrect.

I looked at that line for a long time trying to insert woman or lady but it just kept looking to damn formal…I dont like girl either but it seems less like I’m trying so hard.

I feel weird about dropping in on anyone at work, I always have, thats just…I dunno…weird. I’m going to go in about an hour or so though…chickens out hopefully I’ll go anyway…

This whole thing just has me feelin weird…I guess I’m trying to decide whether or not its worth what I have a feeling I may be in store for.


No cards, no flowers. Just yourself. Show up where she works, find out what she does & say, ‘hey, didn’t I see you at the party?’

I think I’d roll my eyes at the message on the flowers, and I might be a little weirded out by having someone show up while I’m at work.

You’ve mentioned that you have friends in common. Why don’t you get one of them to “properly” introduce you? Showing up at the store with one of her friends would be a lot less creepy, or you could try to convince the friend to have a few people over for brunch or something. The idea is to set up a situation where you can talk to her in a group for a more extended period than at the party, and to make it clearer to her that people that she trusts know that you’re not an ax murderer.

Grammar" When referring to people, “who” is preferable to “that”: Try “The girl who doesn’t date.”

I have no problem with “girl” under the circumstances. “The Woman Who Doesn’t Date” sounds like a noir film.

Have you tried tripping her and stealing her coat? It worked for me back in grade school.

I’d also say ixnay on the flowers. It would probably scare her off.

Personally, I wouldn’t do the flowers thing. I’m thinking that perhaps sweeping her off her feet is the wrong approach to take. She told you where she works, and when she’d be there, when she could’ve just declined to give you her number and left it at that. This, to me, sounds like an invitation to drop by. So do so. Buy a hackey sack, or some baggy-ass shorts, or whatever. Go ahead and say it’s for your great aunt. That would be funny, and funny is always good. I believe your mission here is twofold: 1) To take her up on the work visit and show you’re interested, and 2) To dazzle her in person with your wit, charm, and near-criminal good looks. It might not be a good idea, if she’s all restrained and proper, to ask her to coffee or something if there are coworkers or other customers around, since that might make her uncomfortable. It would absolutely be a good idea to talk to her friends and see if you can’t arrange a group activity with them, and maybe some of your friends, that will include her. The goal, I think, would be to see if both of you are comfortable enough around each other to maybe hang out together, not necessarily to make her see the error of her ways in denying you a date.

It just occurred to me that your subject heading addresses the “Ladies”, rather than the “Strapping Young Bucks”, but what the hell.

Sorry if I’m saying anything here that is already obvious to you, but…

I agree with the others - forget the flowers. Just show up at her store, preferrably at a slow time, if possible. You don’t need to act overly interested, because if you show up she’ll know you are interested. Whatever you do, don’t even hint at pressuring her into anything. Don’t try to get or give a phone number, e-mail, etc, the first day. I have found the the best approach is to not expect anything. If you can accept the possibility that you won’t ever date her, then you’ll automatically be more at ease when talking with her (I know it may sound strange, but believe me, a woman like this will definitely know if you’re pressing too much).

Don’t expect to walk in tomorrow and go out someplace the same day. Maybe you will, but don’t expect it. My guess is she would like to get to know you in a safe setting first. If she invited you to where she works, she must have a reason. You may want to drop by the store a few times before asking about anything like a date. Don’t stay too long the first time, and ask her about her work, the products she sells, stuff like that. Safe, neutral conversation, yet you show you are interested in her. And as Lux Fiat said, maybe buy something.

You’ll likely know when the time is right to meet her someplace else. Don’t ever start with dinner, as it suggests too much, it’s in the evening, etc. Start with something safe, like lunch or coffee. Meet her there. Have a game plan with some different type places in mind already, unless she makes the suggestion. If you make it that far, don’t spend a lot of time deciding from the menu. You’ll subconsciously appear indecisive to her. I have gone to an agreed restaurant before a date just to see a menu so I knew what I wanted to order. It may seem like a small point, but it’s not.

It sounds like you are very interested in her, and it may be in your best interest to take your time here. If you establish a friendship first, I think that will go a long way in your favor. You can figure the rest out, I’m sure.

You sound like a nice guy, so you should do ok.

I think the fact that she told you where she works and that she would be there at a certain time means she wants you to drop by. My suggestion is to NOT buy anything; it would be too obvious you’re doing it just to impress her.

Hold off on the flowers for a while; it’s too soon.

Try to get to her store around lunch time and ask if you can take her to lunch. If it’s in the mall food court, it’s not like it’s a big ordeal. Or ask when she gets off and suggest coffee or dessert somewhere.

Maybe “To: the one who doesn’t date.
From: The one who’d like very much to change that.”

Just my dime.

::nods in agreement to Iampunha::

Oh please, pun. That sounds like a business memo. And FTR, not all women over the age of 18 or so mind being called girls. It depends on the context.

As for YOU, SkySlash… :slight_smile: I say go visit her in the store. I’m with Kinsey…if it’s around lunch, ask if she would like to take her lunch break. If not, just talk for a bit.

Just my $.02.