Being “flaky” refers to someone who continually cancels plans last minute or with relatively short notice.
I first started to notice this in the dating realm. I’m a 37 year old single male who has been dating longer than he cares to count. I’ve had hundreds of dates cancel on me with stories of varying degrees of believability over the years. I’m not sure but it seems like this disregard for others peoples plans is on the rise and the bad news is, it’s not just dates anymore. I was talking with a friend about a mutual friend who constantly flakes on engagements. The more we spoke about it the more we realized is was happening a lot more often than we seem to remember. It’s so bad that about a year ago I adopted a “no-flake” policy. Other than close friends and family, if you flake on me, you’re out! Kick rocks!
Do you think it’s a lot more common these days and could this be a result of the tenuous bonds that commonly link people via Facebook, Twitter, and many other “social” networks?
I used to be bad at this. But now I’ve learned to tell my friends to ask me on the day of instead of three days prior.
If you ask me on Monday if I’d like to go to a concert with you on Friday, I might be inclined to say “Yeah sure, sounds great.” But then once Friday rolls around, my mood may have changed and all I really want to do is go home and shut myself in.
I never know. So my friends know by now to not make plans with me until the day of.
With me, I’m sure this has something to do with some sort of (clinical) depression. I’ve taken pills for it. Didn’t like it and decided my depression was mild enough that I’d rather deal with it than the side effects of the medication. (Sex sucks on Lexapro.)
Going by that alone, if depression is on the rise and my proclivity to “flake” on engagements is comon among anxiety or depressed people, then maybe it is on the rise.
I think the ubiquity of celphones has made it a lot easier for people to change plans at the last minute, or to try and keep their plans for meeting people loose, since “we’ll just call you when we get there”. On the one hand, I like that it makes it easier to be flexible, but I do kind of miss back when everyone used to have to figure out the “when and where” stuff ahead of time, and actually stick to it without the option to call and cancel or change plans up till the last minute.
If it is happening, I think it started with cell phones, it would be a side effect of instant communication. Before cell phones you couldn’t back out of something at the last minute without leaving someone stranded. Since everyone can be reached at the last minute people don’t hesitate to call and say they can’t make it because something import… “Uh oh, I’m driving into a tunnel, I’ll call you later”.
So add all the tenuous bonds formed between people who really don’t know each other and have no difficulty in avoiding, and then it isn’t surprising to see a lot more of it.
The cell phone defense makes a lot of sense. That must have been a godsend to women who date! Before they had to show up and tough it out or risk a full stand up, now they can wait for a better date and switch on the fly.
I have kind of the opposite problem. People just will not take no for an answer and press for reasons why I cannot or will not attend something. I suspect this could contribute to a high rate of flakeouts in some cases. I am very often tempted to accept an invite under stress then just not show up, do this 2 or 3 times they just might stop inviting me or at least take no for an answer.
You mean most women are “flaky”? Honest, don’t count on women to plan your group’s outing. And the venue for an ordinary night out is decided when everyone’s on the road, using cell phones. In all of those instances, I pass. :rolleyes:
One called the restaurant to cancel at the last minute, is what a man or woman would do. Men stand women up, too. I had one date say he missed my freeway exit, so he decided to keep going 2 hours West to visit college friends; that’s flakier than a sausage biscuit.
Younger people? So it could be a shift in social behavior brought on by technology.
Whatever the reason, it’s pissing me off. I consider it very rude behavior especially when I’m planning my weekend. So, if you’re a flaky person, cut it out!
It’s influenced by technology if not wholly determined by it. Older people are using the same technology but are not as flaky, possibly because they grew to maturity without the technology. It strikes me as extraordinarily childish if someone can’t stick to a plan made just two or three days prior. I sometimes wonder how these people keep jobs… do they call their boss in the morning and say, “Can’t come in today, I think I might have a headache”? Do these people compartmentalize “personal stuff” and “work stuff” so that the concept of responsibility only applies to the latter? I don’t know. But the observation that this is on the rise is definitely accurate.
I couldn’t have said it any better. Although, again, I do notice it far more when it comes to dating, but I have also noticed it with friends, usually younger friends. The majority of my friends are younger because frankly, it’s rare to be my age and single in my current job environment (military). But come on, women do seem to be the worst when it comes to this behavior. I should keep a log of the excuses I get. Sadly Nawth Chuka’s flaker excuse of “he missed my freeway exit, so he decided to keep going 2 hours West to visit college friends” was by a man.
Wherever they are meeting for a date is an establishment with a landline, presumably. While not quite as convenient as calling the person directly on a cell phone, calling the restaurant or wherever to cancel is definitely one option besides actually having to decide between showing up or standing him up without even giving him word.
