Over half of my friends and relatives are flaky when it comes to responding to my text messages, phone calls, or anything I address to them on facebook.
I can’t really figure it out. I know people do this when they are in the process of terminating friendships, but I have friends who do this off and on for years. Same thing with family members. Meaning they will go a while at being good at quickly responding, and then go through phases when they are bad at responding.
Some detailed examples:
-Me making a phone call, and they don’t return my phone call until 24-48 hours later.
-Me making a phone call, and they respond about 24-48 hours later with a text message.
-Them not returning any phone calls, texts, or things I address to them on facebook, period. I wind up seeing them in person first.
People have their prefered methods of communication. It’s up to you to figure out each person’s preference if you want them to respond to you quickly. Not everyone likes Facebook. I know I don’t. I find it silly when I see an email in my inbox telling me someone on FB has sent me a message–which will then require me to click on a link and log in to FB to view it–when that person could have just as easily sent me an email directly.
By the sounds of it, everyone you’re corresponding with prefers phone or texting over FB. Stick with what works.
What’s wrong with a 24-48 hour turn around on phone messages and texts? If it’s an emerging situation, I’ll respond sooner, but if someone is just calling to chat, I don’t feel like there’s any huge obligation to get back to them that day.
Manners, social skills and general courtesy have been breaking down for years. People hide behind social media rather than even consider looking in the mirror and admit they are asshole human beings.
I someone calls me and wants me to call back, he better leave a message saying so. I do not text or know how to do so. I only relented and bought a cell phone for me to use in case of an emergency.
You are probably one of those types who does text or phone back immediately so you appreciate the same in return. I’m the same and so is my daughter so it does frustrate us when our texts/calls aren’t returned quickly.
It just seems rude to me not to unless something is keeping me away.
Facebook though, I gave up on that for leaving messages. I’ve noticed even with people who are seemingly on FB 24/7 will miss messages right there on their walls.
Either half your friends etc are flakes, or you’re communicating in a way thats problematic and you’re getting passive-aggressive feedback about it.
Only you can know which it is. But less than 24-48 seems a bit unreasonable to me as an expected reply time - if they reply within that timeframe, its OK in my view and you’re just not allowing for personal difference.
Call me a flake, but I spend almost all day on the phone/e-mail/IM for work. Personal stuff seems a little overwhelming after I stop for the day. If you text me, and it’s not really important that I return it, I’m just not going to, or at least not immediately.
You may see me posting stupid updates on facebook, but not returning your messages. Just how it works. It’s not you, it’s me. But I still want to be friends
This. I hate Facebook. If you send me a message via Facebook, I’ll take 24 to 72 hours to respond–not because it’s Facebook, but I doubt that your message is terrribly important if you’re sending it via Facebook. If it was truly important, you’d phone me ASAP (my real friends and family have my contact numbers).
Note that I neither accept nor send texts. If you text me, I won’t get your message. My friends know this.
In short, if you need my attention, phone me. I respond immediately to phone calls; I do not respond immediately to Facebook messages. If you don’t have my phone number, then you don’t know me well enough to be able to interrupt me.
When I look at the caller ID, I usually have a pretty good idea what the person calling me wants. If I’m busy, I won’t answer, and I’ll call back later… maybe. If the text isn’t time sensitive, I will answer it at my leisure. This has irritated some friends, and even my wife… However I am equally irritated when I’m competing for someone’s attention with a little electronic device. I don’t know if this makes me a flake or not.
It was not that long ago (in the grand scheme of things) that I was available only by one telephone, at my house. Now, not only do I have a cell phone and e-mail (and facebook), but the world expects me to live with a much greater urgency and responsibility for quick communication than it did 10-15 years ago. Frankly, being (relatively) inundated with demands for my attention through multiple mediums gets overwhelming rather quickly, and some days I’ll just not deal with my e-mail, or my facebook, or my voicemail, or texts.
Today is a great example. I sent out a few work-related e-mails this morning, but I’m leaving in an hour for an appointment, and then am working until 10:30 or so at night. I think I’m going to leave my cell phone at home today, and will probably just check messages when I wake up tomorrow.
There was a time not that long ago when this sort of ‘extended’ turnaround time for messages and communication was not that rare, and not everyone is up to handling a 24/7 level of connection in the digital age.
I don’t think 24-48 hours is at all unreasonable for a response to social messages. I regularly take a few days to get back to people for non-urgent conversations.
I will also both purposefully and accidentally respond slowly to communication services I don’t really care for. I hate typing on a phone, so I’m not likely to respond to a text message in a timely manner unless it’s something like “OMG currently on fire. What comes after stop, drop and…!!!” I also have a phone that sucks, so I might not even notice the text message for hours. And sometimes I just want to train people not to contact me that way.
I am annoyed when people try to have full multipart conversations via text message. It takes forever, and the lag between messages is just enough that I put the phone back in my pocket, then it buzzes again, then I haul it out. I’ll get a text with a question, respond, then get a followup. At that point, I’m dialing.
I used to hate Facebook, because you had the follow the link, but now that the notification email contains the text of the message and email replies are forwarded along, I don’t mind. I can see the usefulness of not having to keep track of changing email addresses.
Facebook is blocked at work and I have other things to do when I’m at home, so if I’m one of your friends IRL … quit using FB since I may log on once a month.
Also, your friends and family have lives of their own. Their own jobs, their own families, their own problems. I concur with the others that returning a call a day or two later is 100% OK. I’d be annoyed if my friends expected me to drop everything as soon as they ring me up, like I’m some on-call nurse or something.
OP, you may want to consider re-evaluating your expectations.
I don’t know - when people are busy 24-48 hours just isn’t that long, unless you indicated its an emergency.
I think you have certain expectations that may not be in line with other people’s expectations. Maybe they are wondering why you keep sending all these inane updates, all the time, instead of saving it up for one big phone call.
Depends on what it is. I know I got really tired of having a friend decide she wanted us to be on a weekly call schedule. I know that doesn’t seem like a lot, but it was more than I wanted.
Unless I am in a movie or out to dinner with friends, I will always respond to messages from my wife, work colleagues, and good friends right away. Even then, if I get up from the table/movie to use the bathroom, I will almost always check to make sure I’m not missing some emergency. That said, I don’t expect others to be as vigilant.
There is a flip side though. I have plenty of work colleagues who will randomly change their favorite way of communicating on a daily basis. Sometimes you can reach them on the office phone (unless they have it on do not disturb and forgot to turn it off). Sometime their cell phone is the best way to reach them (unless they have it off or it isn’t charged), and sometimes Facebook is actually the best way. When I do have a work emergency, I have to use all three to get ahold of the person, because I never know which they will answer first or will actively be using, and they they bitch I am unnecessarily wasting my time with the other two. Yeah, well pick one and be done with it!
Then there is a flip side to that as well. My wife’s family is extremely wired up and they completely flip out if they try to contact one another and someone doesn’t answer within an hour or two. My wife’s father contacted us from Mexico the other day because my wife’s mother wasn’t answer their house or cell phone. Oddly enough, she was taking an afternoon nap and didn’t want to be woken up, so we turned the ringer off on both. In his mind, she had been robbed, gotten in a car accident, was dead somewhere, etc.
You have to think about how often you’re calling/texting people, too - my sister likes to talk on the phone a lot, and I don’t want to talk on the phone at all. If I take one phone call from her a week, I think I’m being a good sister. If she expects me to talk on the phone five times a week, she might think I’m a bad sister.
I usually respond to emails quickly, though (within an hour or two). I’m hoping at some point people realize this is my preferred method of communicating (not likely, I realize).
I just don’t like to stop everything I’m doing and respond to you at your convenience. The whole point of text-based communication is to make it convenient for both parties.
Heck, there are times when I’m tired or whatever and don’t feel like talking to anyone, and won’t even answer the phone. If it’s important, I know you’ll call right back. Otherwise, you can leave a message, and then we can stick with the whole idea of convenience again.
Plus, I am the type who likes to think about what I’m going to say for a while, rather than jump right in. For a complex email, I may need a day or two to let the whole thing settle in my mind.
