Is not texting / participating in social media a deal breaker for a potential mate?

Let me preface this by saying I am not trying to use our hallowed halls to fish (phish?) for a date. I’ve just found myself single for the first time in a long while and I’m trying to get a feel for the lay (I said lay!) of the land as far as what is considered desirable these days. I assume the usual, universal things still apply but it is a bit of a new day as far as how people communicate and I realize there is a more of an emphasis on constant communication, due to all our electonic devices. Thing is I don’t really have an interest in that. I kind of hate talking on the phone as far as idle chit chat goes, and texting . . . just aint gonna happen.

Assuming that everything else about a person is a-ok, would that be turn a off? I’m not a technophobe, exactly. I do for instance have a cell phone, I just don’t use it much because I feel like, when I’m out doing something,well, that’s what I’m doing. I have no desire to call someone just because I’m stuck in traffic or whatever and I sure as hell don’t want anyone to do the same to me.

Am I destined to spend the rest of my life alone with my fat cat and my land line?

A major factor is how old you are (and the age of potential daters). For example, I think a lot of Baby Boomers have never participated in texting.

Social media could make finding a potential mate easier. Once you two hook up, there’s hardly any use for it with regard to your relation.

nope. at least not for me. the modern ideal of “social media” is just unbridled narcissism. “I’m so important that I need to tell everyone what I’m doing every minute of the day!! LOL!!” No, you aren’t. nobody gives a shit about your sushi platter. nobody cares that your last dump burned a little.

I cut the rest of your post on purpose. yes, how old you are is a major factor. because modern social media appeals to kids and teens who “like totally have hundreds of friends,” and whose biggest crisis is “OMG Ashleigh might have seen my finger near my nose!!!OMG!”

Well, I think like you, I’ve never been one to chat much on the phone and I never got the appeal of text. That is until I dated someone that pretty much forced texting on me. I kept telling her I don’t do text, but she kept texting me anyway.

Now, I’ve done a complete turn around. Texting is awesome. Because it allows you to have a conversation at your convenience. Someone texts me during my favorite show? Unlike a phone call, I don’t have to deal with it right now, I can give a response during a commercial break, or whenever it’s convenient.

Also, and I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds here: You are entering a new phase of your life, you might want to be a little more open minded to change. Or else, you may very well find yourself living alone with your cat and lan line in perpetuity.

I was going to say, not necessarily a dealbreaker… but you have an attitude about it, and that IS a dealbreaker.

Edit: But I’m only 50-something, you’re WAY too old for me anyway.

Not having been born and raised with earbuds in and rectangular eyes from ogling screens, I rather prefer to marvel in the aural sensations of words and gaze upon warm, moist ocular organs.

These above posts sum it up. Texting is not part of the social network scene; it is simply the most convenient and useful communication tool yet devised by humans.

I totally get this and yet, it seems everyone at least texts, if not the social media gig. I’m 49 so was young(ish) when the whole electronic wave first started.

I was going to say, not necessarily a dealbreaker… but you have an attitude about it, and that IS a dealbreaker.

Edit: But I’m only 50-something, you’re WAY too old for me anyway.

I can only assume that my crack about texting not happening is what leads you to believe I have an attitude about it(?) Fair enough; that one isn’t changing. But then, that’s why I’m asking. Is it because I’m not interested in interrupting what I’m doing to receive a phone call? I’m not being defensice; I’m sincerely interested.

Again, that’s why I’m asking, so, I don’t love it but it is food for thought. I don’t see it the same way as you, in that, to me, I don’t feel I *ever *have to deal with someone’s call at any given moment and I’m not sure why anyone expects anyone to. I swear I am a prompt, faithful call / email returner but if it’s not a good time, it’s not a good timel. Is the issue that most people don’t have this mind set? I mean, I don’t expect people to always be available to me but clearly I am not the norm.

Aw crap; my coding is all to cock and somehow I sent before I was finished rambling. Sorry (but I’m old and shit).

jz78817, you’re a guy / girl after my own heart :wink: But actually, I probably need the brutal honesty here.

I’m a 47 year old female, and if I ever found myself wanting to date again, I’d want them to share in current technology. I like texting versus talking on the phone, briefly catching up on Facebook and just not generally being adverse to what’s out there and available online.

So, I meant to add, that yes I think it would be an obstacle to a relationship, if not an outright deal breaker.

It wouldn’t be a problem for me. I don’t have a Facebook page, and have no desire to have one. I think texting is fine to let someone know you’re going to be a few minutes late or something like that, but for actual conversations, I prefer to actually be in the same room with someone.

And yet I managed to get out there, date, meet people, and eventually get married. Women don’t seem to mind.

I wouldn’t try to make routine plans with someone who doesn’t text, because texting lets you come to decisions and make adjustments while you’re doing something else. You can be at work, and when you get a break check and see ‘have to work late, can we push it back to 7:30 or do we need a new day?’ or out at a movie and when you head back to the car see ‘hey, Jim’s throwing a party, want to hit that tonight?’’. I don’t care if someone doesn’t post much to social media, but if they have an attitude about it that’s just eyeroll inducing. Also, I’m just over 40 so not far from the OP in age, but tend to date younger.

I’m in my 60s and very tech savvy. My nephews when they discovered Facebook were amazed that I already long had an account. In fact I have been online so long that I had firstnamelastname, firstname.lastname and firstname_lastname consecutively at Hotmail. There were so few users I kept forgetting to log in as there were no emails to read.

Some people I know love Facebook, others don’t use it at all. I stop following anyone who posts more than a few times a week but still keep an eye on it. A surprising number of the guys at work - late 20s to early 30s, working in IT, refuse to have accounts and only use SMS and email.

SMS is pretty standard among all my friends and acquaintances as they are included in plans in Australia at little cost. I am involved in a long distance monogamous relationship and we SMS each other between 10 and 20 times a week.

SMS messages get over the whole phone running your life thing. You check it when convenient and respond when you feel like it. I think for my friends and I SMS would get used 90% of the time.

Heck, my mother texts and she’s 70yo. And so do all of her old friends.

Again, the OP seems reluctant to change. New relationships are all about change. So, good luck with that attitude.

I see you have not had the experience of picking up your phone, when it’s convenient, and finding a series of increasingly upset messages about why you haven’t answered in an hour.

(For me,) no, it’s because I’d feel like* I* had to interrupt what I’m doing to receive a phone call. Despite your statement that you wouldn’t expect that. I would. Because that’s what phone calls are to my peers (I’m 41) and I - they’re fairly urgent or complicated matters that will take more than a few moments of time to deal with. Anything quick and not time-sensitive goes by text. I like that, and unless you’re insanely super amazing, I’m unlikely to want to change that to be involved with you.

But I say that happily married. It’s possible that were I single again, I’d find myself overwhelmed with new relationship energy and actually want to talk on the phone all the time. Hard for me to predict, because my last relationship began just slightly before text became my predominant mode of cell phone use; we were on the phone talking all the time. But I feel like today, it would have been more texting.

Shrug, you’re old enough to remember when changing channels involved a biological remote, aka available child. I know people (mostly older than us, but not all) whose texting consists of handing their phone over to someone else and asking this someone else to send the text. I also know people half our age who live glued to their cellphones but refuse to use a computer at work and others (all age ranges) who’ll use computers of any size but will call their “personal IT helper” any time they get a popup; knowing how to text doesn’t quite equal being tech savvy.

I’m as arm’s length with social media as I know how to be while still having facebook, and I think texts are awesome, but I view them as mini-emails. In general I’d rather have a conversation, but I do prefer them to speaking on the phone for most purposes (nobody spends fifteen minutes hanging up a SMS).

Thanks all for responding ( even Patriot Grrrl who thinks I have an attitude and Grrr! who has doomed me to a life as a crazy old cat lady :p). I have to hie my middle aged arse off to bed now, but I hope tomorrow I will see that the conversation has continued. Not about me; the **WOOKINPANUB **show can now be officially over; but about the subject in general. I feel like an alien, or Sheldon Cooper trying to parse the dating world when it comes to this topic. I really am interested and I think / hope others who might be in the same boat (if there are any) feel the same.

There’s a difference between “oh, when I’m out having fun I just forget to take photos and share them” and “I REFUSE to communicate with my SO when I’m going to be late because GET OFF MY LAWN”.