Underwater magicianry?
The juggling of flaming peacocks?
Pigmy swallowing?
Fornicating with olive-oil soaked camels?
Pre-teen-girl-Saddam-Hussein-look-alike karaoke?
Nude disco knitting?
Juice Newton Jello wrestling?
Well it is dawn local time (I am one hour behind Baghdad) and so far nothing.
I thought this was to be the last act of a dying regime. Perhaps t was a private showing of Richard III instead.
In any case, it will be worthwile to talk to my Arab co-workers this morning.
They are intending to use the same defence that the Russians used against Napoleon and Hitler. They are letting the USA advance to the point that it’s supply lines are stretched, and then they will freeze the Americans out come the depths of the Baghdad winter. Er . . . well . . . uh . . . something like that.
Seriously, though, I hope they do not use children. That is so very sad.
I think they are going to link arms (kind of like the Who’s in Whoville) and sing tunes from Kathie Lee Gifford’s cd.
Now I’m picturing Saddam on a snowy precipice, cupping his ear and saying “they’re not angry at all! They’re actually singing!”
In Gulf War I Saddam promised us “The Mother of All Battles”. This time, who knows: the mother-in-law of all battles? The stepmother of all battles? The crazy-cat-lady-who-lives-down-the-block of all battles? (no offense intended to non-crazy cat ladies.) The obnoxious-uncle-who-always-says-pull-my-finger of all battles?
I’m afraid that the Republican Guard is hiding in Baghdad, waiting until a lot of the coalition troops are in the city, and then unloading all sorts of nasty things. I hope the coalition forces don’t relax until the city is truly under control.
I heard it involves Celine Dion, a ten-story tall picture of a naked Erik Estrada, and 10,000 papaya fruits.
Oh, the humanity!
Well, as of now, I think that the “unconventional attack” threat was either:
A) An outright bluff, either in hopes of distracting the US from some senior leader exiting the other side of town, or just because the media is the only weapon they have left. “Our cunning unconventional attack will be – to announce tomorrow that our attack has retaken the airport!” (Cut to scene of puzzled US troops crouched behind their weapons… hearing the announcement of their defeat)
B) A reference to a planned attack by a force of troops intermingled with a mob of civilian “shields”. Knowing that the shields would not likely hang around for long, the plan was to warn the US so that maximum firepower would be used to repel the attack, and thus maximize the “shield” casualties for media consumption. This isn’t wholly speculative. There were reports the day of the “warning” that Fedayeen were roaming the streets with bullhorns ordering people to come out to support an attack on the airport. Fortunately, the whole attack seems to have fizzled when nobody showed up. “What if they held a massacre and nobody came?”
I think that all central command and control in Iraq has essentially collapsed. Baghdad, Basra, and other “pockets of resistance” are essentially occupied by the equivalent of extra-well-armed street gangs. There will likely be some bloodshed to come, but less than was threatened. The US objective now is to round up or eliminate these “gangs” and other Saddam loyalists before a true insurgency can get off the ground. Iraq is, unfortunately, likely to be the target of outside destablization efforts by Islamist interests for a long time to come, but if internal violent resistance can be nipped in the bud, there’s some hope for establishing a stable government.
By the way… So far as “unconventional attacks” are concerned… I saw a reference yesterday that I can’t find now to the British seeking to limit collateral damage by putting precision guidance packages on practice bombs… Yes – 500 to 2000lbs of precision-guided cement —
“We can hold out for days. They’d never bomb us in between the orphanage and the hospital…” <SPLAT!>
Was the threat of unconventional acts made by the same guy that said he was going to take reporters to the airport to show them that it was still under Iraqi control? 
I heard something about a pancake feed.
Maybe they found guys who can suck their own cocks! That would be so cool.
What you think is obviously wrong.
Maybe Saddam really IS dead, and the Riddler has taken over the reins of Iraqi power.
In interviews of soldiers who “cruised” Baghdad yesterday, they said that they rolled down streets lined with the bodies of dead Iraqi soldiers. Once the lead vehicles rolled past these bodies, the bodies performed a “Lazarus” manuver and opened fire on US soldiers. It didn’t take long for the US soldiers to return the bodies to their former state, and one presumes that the next time US soldiers encounter the bodies of dead Iraqi soldiers, they’ll plunk a few rounds of ammo into them, to make sure that they’re really dead. This seems to me most likely what the Iraqi’s were talking about as being “unconventional acts.”
Please elaborate. While most street gangs admittedly don’t have “Ministers of Information” and other governmental pretentions (though it occurs to me as I write this that some may…) the situation otherwise gives little indication that Saddam’s regime has the ability to give coordinated orders and expect them to be executed. The various gangs in Baghdad and elsewhere do still seem to be of one ideological mind (Arab Nationalist), and fight in the name of Saddam. That doesn’t make them an army.
The fighting isn’t over yet by a long shot, but it’s rapidly transitioning from a set-piece war to a “violent peacekeeping” operation like Somalia – though with brighter prospects in that popular support for the guerilla combatants doesn’t extend much beyond the range of their weapons.
Well, Saddam and his cronies have been trying to summon me, but I hate deserts, so I told him to bugger off.
Are all the Iraqi citizens going to join hands and sing We Are The World?
Maybe Saddam and the Republican Guards are going to do a rendition of Up with People.
I still say we should bomb them with a giant LSD bomb. Then after a hour or two, project a huge hologram of Wayne Newton singing Donke Schoen. Then it will morph into G.W. saying “All your a55es are mine now! HAHAHAHA!!!”
They’d crap their pants twice and surrender faster than France.
I have heard that the Iraqis plan to sneak up on the Americans and steal all their canteens and replace them with dribble canteens.
Another rumor floating around my neck of the woods is that the Iraqis are planning to lure the Americans into a massive conga line which will lead them unknowingly to the Iranian border.
Another likely ploy: a mass mooning by the Republican Guard.
More like owners, not workers. The Iraqis around here are successful businesspeople.
My god, if they close the party store where I get a diet pepsi every weekday, I am going to freak out.
Then again, that particular Iraqi is in favor of us going in there and cleaning house, as it were, so I’m guessing he’s not one of Saddam’s henchmen.