Well, it’s official:Saddam Hussein has won another 7 year term in Iraq, unopposed on the ballot and continuing his title as Da Da President for Life.
Let’s just say for arguments sake, Saddam came across a suicidal opponent and actually had to campaign for his dictatorship.
What would you, as campaign consultant, write for his campain slogan?
The options are limited only by your creativity
[singing]
I am the very model of a modern dictatorial!
[/singing]
Bad, but I couldn’t help it.
Vote for Saddam. He treats his people so well, it’s a gas!
True story: Saddam Hussein’s campaign song is I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston.
I Did Not have sexual relations with that camel, Joe.
The only thing we have to fear is a son bent on avenging his father’s faux pas.
Falaffel in every pot.
How about a rhyme?
The time has come
to choose the head of your land
so mark Yes for Saddam
or prepare to be beaten to a bloody pulp and left for dead in the desert while scorpions feast on your flesh and the armies of the all powerful Saddam rape and pillage those that you love the most and leave them buried in the sand.
I think it works well. Kinda snappy.
"Saddam! Saddam!
He’s our man!
If he can’t do it–bam
Of course Saddam can do it. He can do anything!"
There is no “I” in “Vote for anyone but Saddam and find yourself dying a horrible screaming death.” OK, there is. Sue us.
Sure, he’s killed most of his family. Yes, he abuses his people. Maybe he even has weapons of mass destruction that he’s bent on using to maintain his power. But really, what makes you think the other guy is any better?
And if you vote for him, he won’t make you watch helplessly while he forces your spouse and children to listen to that song.
It wouldn’t work as his campaign song, but he should be singing “I Can Change” from South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut to Dubya:
I can change, I can change,
I can learn to keep my promises, I swear it,
I’ll open up my heart and I will share it,
any minute now I will be born again.
And Bush can sing back:
But what if you never change,
what if you remain a sandy little butthole…
“It’s been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by a pack of wild boars, and the world is still glad to be rid of him.”
– Newscaster, SP:BL&U
With apologies to Monkey Island:
Saddam Hussein: When there’s only one candidate, there’s only one choice!
He got 99.96% of the vote last time. The other .04% were simply rounded up and shot.
“You’d be In-sane not to vote for Hussein!”
::remembers the “so damn insane” t-shirts from the early 90s::
**Vote for Me or Die a Horrible Death **
**Vote your Heart Or I’ll Cut It Out. **
Vote for me
I’ll stay by your side.
If you don’t
Can I marry your widowed teenage Bride?
No man is good enough three times, except Moi.
Hussein 100% of the Vote. Al Gore zero. Gore is contesting.
I have nothing to add, just wanted to offer a little applause for a very funny thread title.
Heehee.
What a whopping turnout and result! 11,445,638 of 11,445,638 eiligible voters cast their ballot, and not a single NO among them.
Seems as if you’ve done a good job, guys.
Vote Saddam in 2002!
Why change genocidal maniacs in the middle of a screw!
He can borrow Dave Berry’s suggested slogan for Joe Stalin:
“Maybe we won’t have your whole family shot!”
Real plans for real people.
Well it worked in Florida in a tight contest.