Enough with these names! Enough: Dylan, Dakota, Madison, Brittany, Harrison, Brody, Devon, Alexis, Ashley, Sadie, Brandon … and anything else that would fit in a soap-opera script.
Why am I complaining? The other day in the video store, I got a steaming helping of this: “Tuckkkkker! Carrrrrrrter! Chaaaaaase! Come here, you guys!” A few moments later, in the grocery store, it was: “Caitlyn! Caitlyn! Caitlyn!” from one end of the produce aisle to the next. (Even more irritating: parents who feel the need to give the kids a lesson in sustainable agriculture while they’re blocking access to the freaking self-serve grains bins.)
This reminds me of the Simpson’s episode where Marge became the “pretzel lady”. Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel saved up 300 coupons for free pretzels and then called for his numerous children to come outside for a free meal. They were named just about every name you have listed above (Tiffany, Caitlin, etc.) My two favorite names amongst his children were Rumor and Scout.
I am baffled by the trendy names - that’s all, just baffled. I mean, there must be 700 million possible names in the world; how is it possible to have 4 Ashleys (or Ashleighs, Ashlees, A’sh-Leas, etc.) in one third-grade class?? Can these parents really believe that these names are original, unique, creative?
I named my daughter Katherine. And people have said to me, “My, what a pretty, old-fashioned name.”
Uh. My dog’s name is Grace. Actually, Gracie. Last Halloween, she started barking at a passing Pomeranian. I was on the front lawn, talking to a neighbor I sort of know. I yelled “Gracie, will you PLEASE shut up!” and the neighbor’s little girl looked at me incredulously and said, “I didn’t say anything!”
Oops. Little girls don’t like it when you tell them they have the same name as your dog.
I teach and I see tons of absurd names that parents name their kids. (Then I meet some of these parents and it becomes clear.)
So, in no particular order:
First names:
Baby- Yes, this girl was twelve and will grow old being called Baby
Rhodesia- This student is African American, and I don’t think the family knows about Cecil Rhodes, the colonization of Africa, etc.
Aristotle- The name itself says “educated parents.” Funny thing about this student was I had no idea he was in my class until I got my grade sheet. He never. Showed. Up. He was late to school everyday and never managed to go to a class.
Whole names-
Decimus Cheeseboro- what else can be said.
Sandy Cheese- to keep a theme going
Last name: King, First name: Nosmo. Put together: Nosmo King.
(If you miss it the first time, keep looking at the name…)
I think I am improving my poker face everyday when I call roll.
I sort of think Aristotle is a cool name, at least for Greeks.
But I HATE HATE HATE yuppie-ish wannabe WASPy names that make kids sound like banking firms. All trendy flavor-of-the-month names are pretty stupid, for that matter. Look, people, if you want to name your kid something “unique,” find something unique yourself, not something that makes you look like a mindless sheep.
And the worst part is that these cretins don’t even pronounce the name properly.
They keep howling “KAYTE-linn”, like the ignorant goobers they are. The name is properly pronounced something more like “cauch-LEEN” (but not “couch-LEEN”, it’s not a strong “ow” sound). In other words, it’s to be pronounced close to “Kathleen”, which is what it is.
But the ignorant fools persist in this rubbish. May all the Saints of the Blessed Isle come forth and give them a treatment worthy of any Irish parochial school teacher!
Yeah, just try it. Any unique name that you choose will turn out to be non-unique. We named the Beansprout Arthur. We named him for my uncle, so it’s not like we were specifically trying to be unique, but we figured a clunky old-fashioned name like that would be uncommon, and that would be nice.
HA!
Since Arthur was born 11 months ago, I’ve met a Frederick, 2 Oscars, 2 Lillians, a Sophia, and I know of another baby Arthur.
It seems that clunky old-fashioned names are the latest rage. There’ll probably be three other Arthurs in his class. Except I bet one of them will have a “creative” spelling: Arther? Arthyr? R-thur?
Not in the least. It says “Greek parents” to me. There were more than a few boys running around called “Ari” at my old parish. “Ari”, of course, was short for “Aristotle”. These were not the children of college-educated erudites. They were the children of ordinary people.
Is Aristotle any worse than Joe, Sarah or Mary?
I can look look at Baby Boomers and see lots of Peters and Franks and Vincents. Were their parents “mindless sheep” or were they following family or religious tradition?
Honestly, what is wrong with the name Tucker?
The ones that annoy me are the parents who give their sprouts a “creative” spelling and then act affronted because you didn’t realize its Teighlor, not Taylor. I’m sorry, but if you use an unusual spelling, get used to spelling it out for people.
My SO has a kid in one of his classes named Champale, which makes me giggle no end.
Which I hate, because it’s one of those names I’ve always loved and wanted to name a child. But having been one of several people with the same name (Laura) in my high school, I don’t want to use something that’s highly popular at the time - or for several years before.
I’ve always liked the name Brianna as well, but with the huge increase in popularity that’s had over the last few years, it’s unlikey that I’ll use it either.
What I really hate is the current trend of “last names given as first names”. My own brother is guilty of this: three of his four kids are named Beck, Bailey, and Jackson. The fourth, I’m not even sure if they’ve settled on a spelling for yet.
BRIAN: Look. You’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody! You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals!
FOLLOWERS: Yes, we’re all individuals!
BRIAN: You’re all different!
FOLLOWERS: Yes, we are all different!
Yes, and would you believe the same ignorant cretins are known to read aloud the name “Raymond Luxury-Yacht” as “Raymond Luxury-Yacht” instead of using the correct pronunciation, which is “Throat-Warbler Mangrove”? Really, when will these morons ever learn? I mean, how on earth could they make such an obvious mistake?
