Iron Chef comes to SDMB (cooks come!)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
101

I was totally unaware that pineapple had to appear in every course. When Scylla first posted about pineapple I created a strict pineapple recipe set. After the halibut and suckling pig I altered my flavor sets. I figured to avoid a monotonous menu that way.

I hope that the judges will take this into account. Pineapple does appear in three different courses, so I feel that I have achieved a reasonable use of that ingredient.

(The judges may feel free to pretend that pineapple juice was used in the halibut teriyaki glaze and as the citrus component in the honey glaze for the suckling pig.)

102

As I have seemingly abused the rules of this challenge, I submit my courses to the judges as posted against all comers in this heated battle. Sadly, the delegation of ingredients was unclear to me and I made my best effort to use them all.

103

THIS sounds amazing…rhubarb is so underappreciated, and it is so completely delicious. (Stoidela glances around, quickly dips a finger and snags a nibble…whistles…)

104

Java notices, and gives Stoidela a quick pop on the hand with her trusty wooden spoon…

105

Fukui mutters “Hey Doc, sorry about the…incident.”

Hattori replies “I’m sorry too. Now let us never speak of it agai…Hey! What’s Iron Chef Fenris doing?”

“That can’t be the ice-cream machine!” cries Fukui.

Hattori says “It is! But pork ice cream?! I have no idea what he’s up to. He’d better realize that this isn’t Emril. Pork-rind flavored ice-cream won’t cut it in Kitchen Stadium! Well, we’ll just have to wait and see what he’s up to.”

Fenris

106

Many years ago before creating my billion dollar food empire, I was just a small child and lowly multimillionaire.
Every year I would write up the list of all the christmas presents I wanted. Come Christmas morning, I’d usually get two or three presents from that list of fifty or so (if it sounded cool, I wrote it down.)

One year, which I recall as the miracle Christmas, I came downstairs to behold that I had gotten everything on my list (I later found out the SOP around Christmas time was for my Grandparents to call my mother and ask what I wanted. On this particular year she sent them the list and told them to pick one thing on it. They, being the bestest grandparents of all, got confused, and thought my mother wanted them to buy everything on the list. The results, were of course, the aforementioned “Miracle Christmas.”)

I bring up this story as a suitable analogy to regarding Zenster’s all-pervading menu for the first time.

Like, on that morning, as I beheld the fruits of the Miracle Christmas, I could only stand there, my arms upraised in thankful confusion and ask “How can this thing be? What am I to do?”

Is the motivation of the Iron Chef Zenster that his creaivity could not be contained by mere pineapples, and that he felt such joy and envy in the unveiled ingredients that he could not resit from partaking?

Or, conversely, did he feel that these other delicacies could only recieve proper justice at his own hands, and that the other Iron Chefs were unworthy?

Does he wish his meal to compete in all categories? Or, is he coinfining it to the Pineaplle battle?

One must understand the motivations if one is to appreciate this undertaking of art properly. I feel it is my duty to ask these questions on behalf of these panelists, as they seem key to proper appreciation of this feast.
::GONG::
TWENTY FOUR HOURS LEFT

107

Sadly, the small numbers in the titles of the posts did not communicate to me that they were the key ingredients for the various challenges. Consequently, I will ask the panel to hold me to a higher standard and judge me against all comers.

(It probably doesn’t help that I haven’t seen an episode of Iron Chef for over two years.)

108

:::annoying but silent cameraman Veb picks up cue for a close-up of panelist Mamapotamus, who giggles madly behind her hand; pans to Chairman Scylla, who looks pained, in an embalmed way. Fade shot of lobster innards:::

109

OWWWWW! Hey! That hurt!
<glowers>

110

Not to mention that legendary karaoke superstar Tazma-Kazuki is peeved that camera operator TVeb not only failed to get my good side in that shot, but failed to get me in the shot at all…just lil’ Miss Giggleface over there on the end. Lower Parliment-san also would like to get a closeup of his new book, available in bookstores everywhere and on amazon.com

111

Sitting quietly, Wicked Blue, the bitchy old fortune teller, looks around with a sour face.

112

:::annoying but silent cameraman Veb leans in for tight focus on an steaming wok, centering on eyeballs from some marine lifeform bubbling in what appears to be heavy syrup drained from Del Monte canned pineapple; flinches and drops camera into the pan when peeved karoke star brains her on the back of the head with a toothpick hurled like a javelin:::

113

Iron Chef Fenris has 4 dishes to present to the judges and Chairman Scylla.

"I tried to allow the flavor of the pork to come through in each recipe. Since it’s not often that a chef gets to work with an ingredient of this quality, I did my best to articulate an aspect of the pork. [sub]Note: some of these recipes will be posted on I.C. Zenster’s Ultimate Recipe thread[/sub].

Spring Salad with Shredded Pork. Incorporating the flavors of the Orient, while maintaining the traditions of Iron Chef Fenris’s American palate this dish is a refreshing start to a meal. On a square, tangerine colored plate is served with a artfully arrainged pile of a shredded pork and vegetable salad. Clearly incoporated are Napa cabbage, carrots and onions among others along with fried pieces of marinated pork. Golden toasted sesame seeds glisten like jewels on the dark teryiaki and rice-wine dressing. A small dollop of Beluga Caviar tops the salad, forming a wonderfully salty counterpoint to the salad. A scallion, cut to look like a flower, lays across the plate, a cool green and white exclamation point to a colorful plate.

For my next dish, I tried to be true to my title of Iron Chef Italian:

  • On a clear glass plate, a bed of white-truffle-pasta forms the base for a Pork Caccitore recipe: Garlic, tomatoes, red bell peppers, red wine and onions, along with cubed pork form the basis for this dish. Fresh oregano and grated parmiseano-reggiano cheese top the plate. The white truffles in the pasta give a pleasant, earthy flavor that should nicely conterpoint the more acidic tomato and wine based sauce.

For my third dish, I went all out, in the style of kitchen stadium:

  • Plated on a Fiestaware-style plate is a Rolled, Stuffed Pork Loin with Lobster. The outside done to a golden-brown color, while leaving the meat white and almost creamy in texture. Inside, a layer of Fois Gras has been spread, and inside that are tender pieces of Omar Lobster. It’s served with a mild ber-blanc sauce. Roasting the meat on a bed of rosemary has incorporated a hint of the delicate pine flavor into the meat, without overpowering it. A sprinkle of freshly-grated nutmeg adds a surprising accent to the dish.*

My final dish is a desert: I remembered in one of the Little House books, Laura and Mary said that a pig’s tail was a treat, and I thought it would make a surprising accent for a desert.

Pork Mincemeat Pie, with Vanilla Ice Cream. On a forest green plate is a slice of pie. The crust is golden and flaky-looking, a dark, reddish-brown mincemeat filling can be seen inside, but rather than use the traditional beef, Fenris has used the meat of suckling pig. Redolent of cinnamon, nutmeg, raisins and currants, the dish sends a heady aroma throughout Kitchen Stadium. A scoop of homemade vanilla ice-cream is placed to the side of the pie, and, as an amusing (and tasty) accent, each taster can find a pig’s tail, deep-fried and rolled in cinnamon sugar, lying next to the ice cream.

114

Fantastic thread, all I can add is why not post the recipes here? Seems only fitting, and it’s not like it will hurt anything.

115

I humbly submit my dishes. I have tried to keep things simple to let the true flavor of the halibut come through without superfluous ingredients.
:: bow to tasters, to Scylla-san, and to Mike-G-san!!

Appetizer
Layered: ¼ inch slice of potato, pan-fried until crispy brown on each side. Topped with a “halibut salad” made from: broiled halibut (salt and peppered), lemon and herb mayonnaise (just enough to bind the salad) slivered almonds, and drained diced pimentos. Top the halibut salad with ½ teaspoon of black caviar and ½ teaspoon of orange roe. Top with a mint sprig. And serve on an ornate but lightly colored small plate with an appetizer fork.

Main Dish
Halibut roast cut from the side of the fish, approximately 3 lbs. Fish should be rubbed with olive oil and rolled through coarsely crushed black peppercorns. With the peppercorns still stuck to the fish, lay the roast on wood sheets, add a couple of cloves of garlic and lemongrass to the roast. Wrap the roast in wood sheets and put in the oven.
When the roast is will be unwrapped and sliced in thick cuts and a sauce will be poured over it. The sauce is made of butter, white pepper, white wine, eggs and worchester sauce (a little thicker than a hollandaise). This is served with steamed al dente asparagus on a navy blue plate.

Side Dish
Slice a fillet of halibut about half the size of your hand. Heat a pan on high heat and add olive oil. Sprinkle the fillets with spices (any store-bought Greek spice will do). Pan-fry the fillets until done through and though and the outside is crispy. Let the oil soak off with a paper towel. When the fillets are no longer too oily, layer with sauteed onions, marinated black olives and roma tomato slices. Make a ?plate? from a few large spinach leaves. Put the layered fish and vegetables on the spinach leaves and roll like sushi. Cut in half. This can be eaten with fingers like a roll or cut with a knife and fork. Serve on a white and navy plate.

Dessert
Using biscuits (they can be either homemade cat head biscuits or store-bought Pillsbury?s) bake them to a crisp brown outside. When cooled down enough to handle, break or cut them apart and remove the soft insides. The halibut is thinly sliced and quickly poached in a broth made by boiling the fish bones and a piece of fish. After the halibut is poached and patted dry, place poached halibut in the bottom half of the biscuit (now like a bread-bowl). Top with cinnamon apples (chopped into small pieces and baked in the oven with butter, sugar and cinnamon). Top with gorgonzola cheese. Place the top of the biscuit back on top and cut in half with a very sharp knife. Serve with a sweet plum dipping sauce on a dessert plate and a spoon. Pour the plum sauce over the biscuit before eating.

116

**GONG!

Six Hours Left!**

117

With no further word from Opengrave and his greasemonkey minions, I hereby present my menu:

Iron Chef Creole presents a collection of six dishes, each sparked with jalapeno but collectively representing a varied array of flavors.

For the **Appetizer Course,**the Iron Chef has prepared Mini Seafood Chiles Rellenos… the smallest, most delicate jalapenos were selected, roasted to remove the skins, seeded and stuffed with a mixture of crabmeat, crawfish tails, onion, and queso fresco cheese. They were then coated thinly with tempura batter and fried to a golden brown. The appetizer is served with the cooling tang of creole ranch dipping sauce.

The Soup Course features Indian Summer Soup, inspired by and improved on a soup served in a local chain restaurant. Bits of grilled chicken, grilled corn kernels, and diced roasted jalapenos diffuse their individual flavor notes into a harmonious symphony, fused into a rushing chord of flavor by a rich, smooth cheese soup base.

Corn also is featured in the side dish, showcasing the creole heritage of New Orleans cooking that Iron Chef Cajun/Creole is known for: Maque Choux. This traditional recipe is a semi-sweet corn dish with a pudding-like consistency, studded with corn kernels and enriched by the intense perfume of minced mesquite-smoked jalapenos (a contemporary and daring touch straight from the mind of the Iron Chef), and lifted at the last minute to ethereal wonder by the addition of whipped eggs, cooked to perfection by the residual heat of the other ingredients.

Then comes the pièce de resistance: for your gustatory pleasure, Roast Pork Tenderloin with Cranberry-Jalapeno Glaze. Sliced thinly and arranged deftly over mashed butter-drenched sweet potatoes, this entrée will convince you that the pig did not die in vain.

We will follow the main dish with a Salad Course featuring simple mixed greens dressed with a Creole Garlic and Jalapeno Vinaigrette, and then…

It’s time for a light and simple Dessert Course featuring flavors that call the palate back to the main course: a Jalapeno-laced Cranberry Granita. this simple ice will cleanse the palate and finish off a fiery meal with cooling serenity.

I will make the recipes available to anyone who comes up with an interesting enough bribe. After all, the Iron Chefs on the show don’t usually provide recipes - not that I’d particularly want a recipe for squid ice cream.

118

As far as this vocal audience “Cooking Hooligan” is concerned, Zenster is well in the lead, if for no other reason than having provided a complete description, followed by complete recipe.

(goes back to trying to incite a riot to get audience members to rush the stage and seize the goodies…)

119

Getting a late start Iron Chef BBQ Whammo races to grab a live suckling pig. Throwning the live piggy into boiling water to scald he then removes it and scrapes off the hair with his knife, on his chopping block he nails its head into the block to anchor it while skinning gutting and flaying it out. Whammo pulls out its still beating heart and tosses it into the Ice Cream maker. There will be suckling pig heart and blood sherbert tonight for desert!!!

Whammo then takes the 20 lb Suckling piglet, 4 -inch piece of fresh Ginger; shredded, 3 ts Turmeric powder, 4 Green cardamoms; crushed, 1 tb Chili powder, 2 tb Salt, 1 ts Grated nutmeg, 3 ts Dried shrimp paste, 1 Stalk lemon grass, -finely chopped, 8 Cloves, 2 ts Black peppercorns, 1 tb Tamarind, 4 tb Vegetable oil, 2 lg Onions; chopped and 4 cl Garlic; crushed.

He then grinds the ginger, turmeric, cardamom, chili, salt, nutmeg and shrimp paste. Adds lemon grass, cloves, peppercorns and tamarind. Heats oil and frys the onion and garlic until soft. Then with a flourish adds ground seasonings and frys for 4 minutes. Then with a deft hand he stuffs the mixture into the prepared piglet and sew up opening. Whammo orgasmicly rubs the skin with salt and pepper mixed with vegetable oil. He then takes the suckling ppig and bakes it on a spit over a charcoal fire for 2 1/2 hours.

He then serves slices of pork with white rice and a hot tomato and chili sambal in an eloquint presentation. Followed by the Suckling Pig Heart and Blood Sherbert.

120

:::annoying but silent cameraman Veb winces, recalling chocolate-covered fish liver canapes; darts over for a close-up of Zenster’s flashing blade work, wiping bits of flying goo from lens; slinks toward Chef Troy, carefully avoiding the scary fortune-teller and homicidal karaoke superstar::