Iron Chef Episode II Attack of the Scones

[wring]

*Originally posted by Fenris ***
It’s a fairly nutty, mild Swiss (not nearly as potent as regular, full blown Swiss Cheese). It’s usually one of the key cheeses in real fondue (Real fondue: the kind that doesn’t start with “First you unwrap the Velveta”)

Fenris **

too late to start sucking up to my SO (a ‘real fondue’ man), but the effort is noted and appreciated.

and, Tomcat Nope, not from the Northwest, clams get that big eh? oops

[shelbo]

I was initially put out by Tomcat’s description of the Geoduck clam as looking like a horse’s penis. Then I saw the picture in the link, and, well, the damn thing looks like a horse’s penis.

Carry on.

[Zyada]

Well, I’ve seen geoducks IRL and horse penises and geoducks don’t look like horse penises to me…

Closer to an extra extra long man’s penis, fully engaged, so to speak. Might be good for practicing your technique. :eek:

Yes, 48 would be a (sorry) buttload of geoducks.

[Scylla]

I’m still shy two scores, and there’s only a little over two hours left.

[shelbo]

*Originally posted by Zyada *
**Well, I’ve seen geoducks IRL and horse penises and geoducks don’t look like horse penises to me…

Closer to an extra extra long man’s penis, fully engaged, so to speak. Might be good for practicing your technique. :eek:

Yes, 48 would be a (sorry) buttload of geoducks. **

Yet, would that man not be hung, you know, like a horse? (sorry, I couldn’t resist).

Hurry up and post you laggard judges! (Just to bring us back to the OP )

[Scylla]

We are two hours past the deadline for scores, and while there is still one set outstanding, four judges have checked in and emailed me their scores.

In the event that it can be shown that the final set was emailed before the deadline, and that it effects the outcome I will retabulate.

Here are the scores. Please note that two of the judges didn’t tell me their screennames, so I’ll just use the first initial of the names that came with the email. They can identify themselves.
Fenris:

Cerowyn 14
Wring 16
P 15
F 16

Grand total - 61

Javamaven:

Cerowyn 13
Wring 15
P 16
F 18

Grand total - 62

The winner, by split decision is Javamaven!!!
This just goes to prove, the judges like their Geoducks, and they like lots of them!

Congratulations to both our competitors for a fine job.

[Zenster]

Zenster enters (rather tardily) wearing a sapphire studded pale silk tuxedo shirt covered by a vest decorated in oiled blue-green patterns of Turkish cloud painting. His cuff links shine with cabochons of Lapis Lazuli and his crimson Duchesne silk tie is tacked by a black star endstitite that spears light from the studio rigs into the camera’s fish-eye lens. Perched on the rim of his frosted crystal 100 proof martini glass is a ruby-throated hummingbird that carries both a Manzanilla olive and a miniature white pickled pearl onion willingly speared upon its needle bill. As the briny fruits are plucked from its swordlike beak the Archilochus colubris bursts into its pepper grinding song. A fitting prelude to the spicy conflagration soon to follow in this multiflavored melee.

Zenster bows to Chairman Scylla and the other judges, flashes a grinning smile of anticipated mayhem towards the camera and takes his place beside the delectable wring. As the camera turns away from this glittering entrance, Zenster casually and discreetly leans over and stops the offending colorless silk panties from riding up an inch further into the delectable nether cleavage of the giggling wring’s spectacular ballgown.
::clears throat::
This is a difficult task for me to perform. I wish to make the best contribution that I can to this effort. In the recipes of both contestants I have found holes that any professional chef could drive a catering truck through. Did no one listen to our besequined and most honorable chairman? Points are to be awarded for not just taste and creativity, but also for presentation. Except for a couple of dish descriptions between the two contestants, no sort of presentation is mentioned whatsoever! Despite unwitting mistakes in my earlier works, I hoped my previous submissions to these competitions had helped establish a standard of sorts. There is often a disturbing lack of specificity in these descriptions and recipes whose vagueness I find wholly unacceptable. This has left me with the inescapable conclusion that I may have to join the general fray at a future date in order to set straight these deficiencies.

I am grievously torn as to how I shall scale the points to be awarded. First and foremost there is a glaring discrepancy in that the honorable Javamaven has the training and background of a professional chef. While our worthy Fenris has also participated in a production kitchen I do not think it has been at the level of scholarship that JavaMaven brings to her craft. Regardless of this fact, I am still dismayed with both entrants. As an unbiased judge I cannot allow myself to give any benefit to Javamaven in light of her schooling. To the contrary, she should be judged all the more sternly. Yet, neither am I allowed to hold her to a different standard of any sort. Such a bias would be unbecoming and quite ill conceived. In a similar fashion, Fenris’ more humble efforts can in no way be held against him, for they display the determination of someone who has a love of good food and its sharing. To gauge the simpler constructions of his work against a lower standard would demean his noteworthy contributions, generally be unfair to all involved and again represent an unfair advantage.

In light of these factors I have decided to take each of the contestants at their word. I am forced to strictly interpret the recipes and dishes presented. I shall endeavor to give the benefit of the doubt wherever it does not award unfair advantage. Compounding this is the fact that I am equally bound to read each recipe exactly as it is presented. In a few instances this would yield a horrendous result so I will temper such interpretations but only at a penalty in points for such transgressions. However stern my admonitions are, I am also obliged to point up the delightful creativity and originality displayed by both parties. It is with gusto and anticipation that I render my services as judge to this worthy tournament.

I shall address the participants in order of submission. I am also half tempted to award each the full twenty points in order to show how each score would be rapidly whittled down into the single digit range. I may yet do this for the learning experience it might impart to these two worthies.

---

JavaMaven
Clams Rockefeller
A simple, yet rich appetizer of Cherrystone clams broiled on the half-shell with spinach, garlic, cream, and Gruyere cheese; a humbler cousin of Oysters Rockefeller, and homier.

Clams Rockefeller
8 servings
1 garlic clove
1 cup loosely packed fresh spinach
1/2 cup chopped green onions
3/4 cup cream
1/2 cup dry breadcrumbs
2 tablespoons Pernod
1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce (optional)
Salt & white pepper, to taste
1 pound (about) rock salt
24 fresh clams, shucked, shells reserved
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Position rack in top third of oven and preheat to 450°F. Finely chop garlic in processor. Add spinach and green onions to garlic. Process, using on/off turns, until mixture is finely chopped. Transfer mixture to medium bowl.
Combine cream, breadcrumbs, Pernod, and hot sauce in processor. Process until well blended. Return spinach mixture to processor. Process, using on/off turns, just until mixtures are blended. Season with salt and pepper. (Can be made 8 hours ahead. Cover; chill.)
Spread rock salt onto sheet pan, ½” thick. Set clams in half-shells into salt, top each with a spoonful of spinach mixture, sprinkle with cheese, and broil in oven until hot, bubbly, and brown.

Rather rich for an appetizer. The cream and cheese traipse dangerously close to the edge of surfeit for the palate. The bread crumbs and spinach provide a critical respite from this twin pronged richness. The alliance of the garlic and scallions is another crucial bulwark in opposition to the dairy products. The restraint in using of only one clove of garlic is duly noted. There is a discrepancy between your description and your following recipe. At first Gruyere cheese is suggested but the final composition cites Parmesan cheese. This represents a point off from any total award. As to presentation, all that is visible is a mere nod to stabilizing the clams on a bed of rock salt. No garnishes bracket them and no plating is indicated.

Finally, there is the complication of the fact that Pernod is used here, however lightly in this appetizer, only to appear in force later in the meal. A vodka or gin might have easily served in its stead and provided more diversity. The strong licorice note of Pernod is unmistakable and would better profit from sparing use.

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Cioppino

Famous in the Bay Area, this Italian-style seafood stew is hearty and delicious, with a mixture of clams, lobster, crab, mussels, tomato, garlic, basil, and white wine; it’s served with a piece of buttery, toasted baguette.

Cioppino
8 servings

2 onions, finely chopped
4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 tsp. Thyme, finely chopped
1 tsp. Oregano, finely chopped
¼ cup olive oil
2 cups white wine
24 steamer clams, scrubbed
12 mussels, beards removed
2 ea. 1 ½ lb. Lobsters
2 lbs. Crab legs & claws
1 quart fish stock
8 tomatoes, peeled, seeded, and chopped
1 cup of basil leaves, chiffonade cut
Salt & pepper to taste
1 baguette

Sweat onions, garlic, thyme and oregano in olive oil. Add the wine, clams and mussels and steam the bivalves open. Reserve mussels and clams, and leave cooking liquid in pot.

Steam lobsters and crab legs & claws in cooking liquid for about 7 minutes. Remove meat from shells and cut the lobster tails in half lengthwise.

Chop up the lobster shells and add to the cooking liquid. Add stock and simmer for 25 minutes. Strain with cheesecloth, return to pot, add tomatoes, and simmer for 10 more minutes.

Return clams, mussels, lobster and crab back to simmering liquid and reheat. Adjust seasonings, add basil, and serve with sliced toasted baguette.

There is little objection to be made about this recipe. It is a straight forward and authentic in its simplicity. Important nuances have been addressed with the extraction of color and flavor from the lobster shells. The vitality this one small feature contributes cannot be ignored. By removing the onions and garlic subsequent to cooking off the shellfish and extracting the lobster carapaces you have rendered the stock perfectly primed for the addition of the tomato concassee. The correct processing of the tomatoes is a crowning point to this recipe as it allows a traditional citric note to be added without resorting to the tired cliche of lemon and seafood.

The only flaw with this recipe is that you have failed to specify the type of mussels, lobster and crab. While giving you the benefit of attributing Dungeness crab and New Zealand green lipped mussels, I cannot be quite so generous as to assume that you intended to use Maine lobster. This would have been a stellar addition to such a competent rendition. The creamy, tender and subtle texture of Maine lobster would have complimented this able execution. Instead, while granting you the boons of the crab and mussels I can only award rock lobster into the mix. A mere mention of lobster claws would have remedied this. The tougher consistency of rock lobster does no justice to this otherwise splendid seafood soup. Likewise, a proper identification of the white wine would have been a benefit as well. A Frascatti might have given this a genuine Italian dimension that instead is elbowed out of the way by a presumed and far too mundane Chardonnay.

The correct quantity of olive oil (again, I will assume extra virgin) gives the broth a silky quality. The restraint shown in the use of garlic properly compliments the exacting chiffonade of basil. All in all, an acceptable and worthy rendition of this timeless classic.

Pan-Fried Clams with Pernod Sauce, served on Wilted Greens
These clams are pan-fried in olive oil, served upon a bed of just-barely-wilted swiss chard, and drizzled with a rich Pernod pan sauce, redolent of shallots and thyme.

Pan-Fried Clams with Pernod Sauce, served on Wilted Greens
8 servings

Olive oil, as needed
36 fresh clams, shucked
Salt & pepper

2 shallots, minced
1 cup Pernod
juice of 2 lemons
2 sprigs thyme
½ cup cream
½ lb. Butter
Salt & white pepper

12 cups roughly chopped swiss chard

On a medium heat, heat olive oil and add clams, searing them on both sides and cook thoroughly. Remove from pan and reserve.

Drain olive oil except for about 1 tablespoon’s worth. Add shallots and sweat gently. Add Pernod, flambé and reduce until alcohol is fully cooked off. Add lemon juice, thyme, and cream, and reduce slightly. Strain and return to pan. Add butter in small pieces to emulsify. Hold warm until service.

In a large pot, heat about ¼ cup of olive oil on medium-high heat. Add chard and toss until just wilted. Season with salt and pepper.

On plate, mound wilted greens in center. Top with clams, and drizzle pan sauce over clams and greens.

There is some confusion as this dish did not appear in your initial description. Herein lies the danger of separately posting menus and recipes. Just as the mix-up between Gruyere and Parmesan occurred in the appetizer, so is there an abrupt aspect to this dish’s inclusion as well. I see the mildly bitter leaves of chard providing a supple counterpoint to the shellfish. Yet, here we encounter a most glaring inconsistency. What sort of clams have been used? So many nuances are controlled by selection of the meat for this recipe that I am unable to award anything beyond an average score (minus one point for vagueness) to this presentation. The redundant appearance of Pernod cannot be given more than passing notice in this otherwise interesting construction.

Clams Hearth-Roasted with pine needles, served with Pine Nut Sauce and Roasted New Potatoes
Roasted in a hearth oven, pine needles are added to the fire for the last few minutes of baking, to add a gentle smokiness to the clams. They are served with roasted new potatoes tossed in rosemary-infused olive oil and a creamy pine nut, basil, and parsley sauce.

Clams Hearth-Roasted with pine needles, served with Pine Nut Sauce and Roasted New Potatoes
8 servings

48 Geoduck Clams, cleaned and in their shells

¼ cup olive oil
2 cups pine nuts
½ cup cream
2 T. fine vodka
½ cup fresh basil
½ cup fresh Italian (flat leaf) parsley
1 T. Worcestershire Sauce
Salt & white pepper

2 lbs. New potatoes
Rosemary-infused olive oil* as needed
Salt & Pepper

Heat hearth oven. Place clams in an ovenproof pan. Place in oven, and after roasting for about 5 minutes, add pine needles to fire, close oven door, and let smoke until clams are open.

In saucepan, heat olive oil and gently toast pine nuts. Add to food processor, and add cream, vodka, basil, parsley, Worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper and blend until smooth.

Roast potatoes in oven until tender, just before service lightly toss with rosemary olive oil, and season with salt and pepper.

Serve clams by spooning a bit of sauce into each shell, and arrange with potatoes.

*For rosemary olive oil, Take about a 6” branch of rosemary and let sit in about 2 cups of olive oil in a warm spot in the kitchen for about 2 weeks (Preferably in a glass bottle.)

Here we encounter the clumsiest stumble of all. The legendary panopea abrupta has been called out for by this recipe in a quantity that is clearly the result of blatantly poor research. Ranging from two and up to twenty pounds, forty-eight of the gigantic Geoduck clams might weigh in at between one hundred to one thousand pounds and would feed a small army. I wish that I could attribute this error to a missing hyphen between the numerals four and eight but this is giving credit where none is due. Nowhere in the preparation of this dish is any mention made of the mandatory sectioning needed to render this gargantuan shellfish edible in this otherwise exceptionally promising recipe. Any familiarity with this clam’s nickname and its reference to an unmentionable appendage of male equine anatomy would have averted this monumental blunder. Such is not the case.

The use of pine needles is nothing short of brilliant. The coniferous resin is a perfect foil against the more common rosemary flavor of the new potatoes. It serves to lift this dish out of the ordinary trappings it might have been left in. To have tempered this exotic note with the classic presence of simple new potatoes is a superb balancing act. Once again, I am only allowed to give this seemingly stellar dish at best an average score (minus two points for the significant mistake in quantity). It is far easier to overlook how the potatoes are not identified by type. But the miscalculation of the clam quantity mars this work of art. Also worrisome is whether a teaspoon or tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce is indicated. A teaspoon might function, but the overwhelming anchovy note from a tablespoon would be cause for concern. This more minor error is ameliorated by the inspired use of pine nuts and flat leaf parsley. Again, I can only wonder about the nectar-like proportions that this dish might have attained had a coniferous Retsina been used to coordinate with the aromatic pine needles. The vodka is suitable to the task but this dish cries out for similarly ingenious embellishments.

Tesoros del Mar Paella (“Treasures of the Sea”)
This traditional Spanish dish is full of clams, calamari, baby octopus, and shrimp, served on a bed of aromatic rice seasoned with saffron, onions, garlic, tomatoes, thyme and rosemary.

Tesoros del Mar Paella (“Treasures of the Sea”)
This traditional Spanish dish is full of clams, calamari, baby octopus, and shrimp, served on a bed of aromatic rice seasoned with saffron, onions, garlic, tomatoes, thyme and rosemary.
24 clams
1 # calamari, cleaned and sliced into rings
1 # baby octopus
1 # 18-20 ct. shrimp, deveined and peeled

¼ cup olive oil
2 onions
6 cloves of garlic, minced, plus one whole head of garlic with top cut off to expose cloves
2 large tomatoes
3 cups long grain rice
6 cups chicken stock (preferably homemade, or no-salt)
Pinch saffron (about 15 threads)
6 branches thyme
2 branches rosemary
Salt & pepper to taste
Lemon wedges for service

Special Equipment: large paella pan.

*this is best done on a grill, unless you have a stove that can hold a large paella pan and get an even heat.

In a separate saucepan, heat chicken stock to simmer, and add saffron. Keep at low simmer until ready for use.

Using a box grater, shred onions and tomatoes, discarding tomato skins. Heat olive oil in pan, and add onions, minced garlic, and tomatoes, cooking through until the ‘tomato water’ has been cooked off. Add rice and toss thoroughly to distribute sofrito. Add simmering chicken stock, and bring to a boil.

Place head of garlic in center of pan, and add branches of thyme and rosemary. Add salt & pepper to taste. Add all seafood atop rice & stock, and wrap tightly with foil. Let finish on grill (or put into 350 degree oven) for about 20 minutes, until clams are open and rice is al dente. Remove branches of thyme and rosemary, and serve with lemon wedges.

I am moved by the inclusion of this timeless masterpiece of Spanish cuisine. As classic as Italian cioppino, paella represents a towering pinnacle of culinary enlightenment. The exquisitely delicate features of the baby octopus provide a perfect mirror to the golden riches represented by the saffron tinted grains of rice. This theme of size is carried forward in the circlets of inkfish and petite shrimp as well. Again, I am brought up short by the lack of mention as to what type of clam shall be used.

For the sake of this dish I shall assume that a Manila clam has been incorporated. However unassuming it might be it will do no harm by its inclusion. Everything else about this dish screams out “fine dining.” The garlic, thyme and rosemary notes are introduced as perfumes and not via admixture. So regal a dish can only benefit from such understated treatment. Upon reading the description I feared that the herbs were to be added directly to the entire dish. I found myself fervently hoping that you might have skewered the shrimp upon twigs of the rosemary. Instead all of the most intense herbs only visit the dish and do not reside. This more than relieves any concerns I might have had. Besides, the smaller shrimp are much more in keeping with the baby octopus and diminutive size of the other ingredients.

The low salt of the recommended broth and correct identification of the sofrito’s role in formulating this splendid example of seafood cookery all unite in an angelic harmony. Had you properly specified the clams this dish might have taken all points available.

Tiny Pearl Trio of Sorbets
Hidden within three carefully cleaned clamshells rest a scoop of sorbet, each a delight of flavor—champagne orange, tequila lime, and pineapple rum.

Tiny Pearl Trio of Sorbets

Champagne Orange Sorbet
1 cup simple syrup*, infused with 1 T. fresh orange zest
1 T. corn syrup
½ cup champagne
½ cup fresh orange juice

Combine ingredients, strain, and freeze per instructions for ice cream maker.

Tequila Lime Sorbet
1 cup simple syrup, infused with 1 T. fresh lime zest
1 cup tequila
½ cup lime juice

In saucepan, heat tequila and reduce by half, boiling off alcohol. Add to simple syrup and lime juice. Strain and freeze in ice cream maker.

Pineapple Rum Sorbet

1 cup simple syrup
1 cup pineapple juice
1 cup rum

In saucepan, reduce rum by half, burning off alcohol. In separate saucepan, reduce pineapple juice by half. Add both to simple syrup and freeze in ice cream maker.
Serve in scrubbed shells, using small 1 oz. Scoops.

While coating the clamshells with a sugar glaze would have been ideal in order to avoid any possible hint of seafood flavor, you have cleaned them. The citrused seafood motif properly echoes within the three sorbets.

However rarely clams produce pearls, the ones described here are a circumferential necklace surrounding the palate with a final farewell that I find most endearing. In keeping with the shellfish theme you have rightfully eschewed any utilization of clammy flavor or texture in favor of using instead their overarching and intrinsic structure. Into this inverted cupola you place jewel-like spheroids redolent of tantalizing citric topnotes. To finish a meal comprised largely of seafood with everything approaching but fully shy of the all too timeworn and familiar alliance of a lemon accent is admirable, to say the least.

Champagne’s traditional Midas touch of tawny effervescent coloration is brought to appropriate fulmination with an extract from golden apples of the sun. A routine and ordinary mimosa this is not. Instead we are treated to a glorious revisitation of what could have been an entirely forgettable orange sherbet. It is too easy to assume that a Brut Natural has escorted our golden globe to the arctic latitudes and this vagueness is noted and just as quickly passed over.

A classic pairing again awaits us. Not the feigned elegance of a morning Champagne cocktail but instead a rowdy brawling flavor-set from old Mexico. Not the regal elegance of historical Spain but rather the tumultuous tumble of lime and Tequila. Once more the ugly question rears its interrogative head. Is this a smokey Monte Alban? Are we to sample a companion of Sauza Conmemerativo with this citrus? I think not. I will assign a blue agave silver Tequila to this genteel green fruit at the cost of a point but with a profit in flavor.

Finally, we arrive at an island of hoped for solace in the midst of this tart cavalcade. We have a most sugary fruit when ripe with age, the pineapple. What shall we do but allow it to lean upon a cane. Cane sugar, that is. The purest of sugars must, most definitely, accompany this final jewel in the crown. Is this what we find spoken to us in precise terms? No, it is not. We have a sugar that might be of beet-like origin and a rum that could be far too clear for the Demarara demanded by this dish. What shall it be? To be fair I will cite a Meyer’s dark rum and Hawaiian pineapple. The type of sugar is less important in this case.

---

[Fredge]

*Originally posted by Scylla *
Here are the scores. Please note that two of the judges didn’t tell me their screennames, so I’ll just use the first initial of the names that came with the email. They can identify themselves.

I’m pretty sure I’m judge ‘F’. I put my screen name in the email I sent Scylla, but it was a long email (I included my review in case I messed up when posting it) so he may have overlooked it.

Again, a great job by the chefs - I would love to really try some of these recipes.

[Zenster]

Raw Clams with Condiments

To allow the judges to experience the essential goodness of clams, I start with a dish that requires no cooking at all:
You’ve heard of raw oysters? Raw clams are better: sweeter and without the kind of sliminess of raw oysters.

This dish features 5 raw cherrystone clams per person. They’ve been opened for the Judges, the liquor still inside the shell. Served with them are small serving dishes of condiments, for the taking. The variety will allow a wide range of tastes and sensations and will give the Judges the fun of experimenting, and each condiment has been carefully chosen to enhance, rather than overwhelm the subtle goodness of the clam. Despite that I caution the judges: at least one should be sampled plain so that you can understand the nuances of the clam’s subtle flavor!

An extra point for requesting that each of the judges try one clam unadorned.

The condiments are:
Minced onion,
Minced roasted garlic
Fresh grated horseradish
Lemon slices for squeezing,
Home-made cocktail sauce
Home-made oriental drizzle

Value added for using fresh horseradish. It is somewhat negated by suggesting “minced roasted garlic” as garlic usually liquefies during the roasting process. I would think that the garlic would be roasted whole and then the cloves would be pressed from their jackets. You have omitted specification of what sort of onion is to be minced.

Homemade Cocktail sauce
1/2 cup prepared chili sauce
5 TBL grated horseradish
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp lemon
1 tsp sugar
1 1/2 cups chopped tomatoes
5 grinds of black pepper

Chuck everything into a food processor and chop until almost smooth (it should have some texture left

I am concerned by the use of a prepared chili sauce. A particular brand was not specified. While Heinz would have been acceptable, Sona and Hollen would be much more assuring to see. This is compounded by neglecting to mention whether or not the tomatoes were concasee or not. I will attempt to avoid nitpicking over the use of black pepper instead of ground whole white pepper but the appearance of the red sauce would suffer from the black granules. There is also apprehension regarding the presence of the horseradish individually in the condiments and then again in the seafood sauce. My fondness for horseradish ameliorates this concern to an extent.

Homemade Oriental Drizzle
1 scallion, minced
1 TBL toasted sesame seeds
3 TBL mirin
1 tsp freshly grated ginger
1/4 C Soy Sauce
1 tsp sugar
Juice of 1 lime
Juice of 1 orange
Sesame oil to taste

Mix all ingredients together, adding sesame oil in small dashes to taste (don’t overdo it on the oil!)

Your caution per the use of the sesame oil is particularly commendable in this case. The delicate nature of the clams demands that due care be exercised in its addition. Your experimental foray into alternative citrus is also worthy of mention in that you have gone beyond the traditional lemon note in the seafood sauce’s flavor set and introduced variegation with the lime and orange juices in the drizzle. The citrus juice is nearly in excess until the large quantity of soy sauce is taken into consideration. I would have preferred that you were more specific about what section of the scallion was used but I will assume that you have used just one in its entirety.

---

The second dish is Warm Mexican Clam Dip. Served in individual rammekins, this clam, green-chili and cheese dip is a delight to the nose and eyes, the heat of the green-chili accenting the clams perfectly. Fried tortillas are provided for dipping.

Fried tortillas:
Cut both corn and flour tortillas into wedges just like you would with a pizza. Gently slide them into heated oil, about 350o and fry 'till crispy. Drain on a rack, NOT on paper towels, or they’ll be greasy.

Mexican Clam Dip

Green Chili
1 lb of tomatillos
2 serrano chilies
3 jalapeno chiles
3 anaheim chilies
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp crushed, dried chipoltle chilies
1/2 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 tsp vinegar
3 TBL fresh lime juice
1/2 cup cilantro

Peel the tomatillos and wash off the yukky white goo. Drop them into a pot of boiling water for just a minute or two until they start to split. Toss them into a food processor.

Roast the chilies: put them on a very lightly greased cookie sheet and spritz them with oil/cooking spray. Put 'em under the broiler until they turn black. Turn 'em over several times until blackend all over. Once done (the smaller ones 'll finish first) toss them into a paper bag and let cool. Peel them, but do not wash! It’s better to get a little charred stuff than to wash off all the good flavor (also, use safe handling proceedures for the chilies!) Seed and toss into the food processor. In a teflon skillet, toast the spices stirring constantly and watching closely! (the second you can smell the toasty cumin smell, it’s done!) Toss spices and all remaining ingredients into food processor. Chop until roughly blended. Put into a crockpot and let cook for at least four hours!

Warm Green Chili Clam Dip:
1 Cup Green Chili, heated
5 TBL clam juice/liquor
1/2 cup roughly chopped clams
2/3ds Cup Queso Blanco cheese (Montery Jack if not available)
Dash Paprika

Put 1 cup of heated green chili into a rammekin. Add 5 TBL of clam juice/liquor and 1/2 cup of roughly chopped clams. Add a 2/3ds of a cup of grated queso blanco cheese, stirring until melted. If necessary, put the rammekins in a hot water bath to help melt the cheese. Sprinkle lightly with paprika and serve warm

The use of the clam liquor is truly inspired, as is the recommendation of the queso blanco. The blandness of the Mexican cheese is almost mandatory in order not to obscure the flavor of the clams, even the Monterey Jack is far less suitable (although more available). But I become increasingly concerned by your lack of specificity. You fail to mention to type of clam used in this recipe. I am also obliged to fault you for using a Hungarian spice (paprika) when a stupendously appropriate alternative is available. Namely, a Pacifico mild chile powder. This would give you all the color that is sought while remaining intensely authentic in the Mexican sense. This one oversight makes the rest of the mistakes almost pale in comparison (except for the lack of clam type being mentioned).

The green chile sauce you present is well conceived but strikes me as jarring in a few places. You have made a valiant effort to remain true to the tenets of Mexican cuisine by using cilantro to compliment the green chiles. I will attempt to avoid being too harsh concerning your questionable melange of various peppers. The Anaheims, Jalapeños (incorrectly spelled) and Serranos could blend harmoniously. Although it is not specified if the Jalapeños and Serranos are red or green I will certainly grant the benefit of the doubt since the recipe is titled “Green Chile”. Again, specificity is your friend. A final concern for the color of this sauce comes from the extremely long cooking time of four hours. Over such a protracted heating period oxidation will tend to undesirably darken this otherwise delicate and delightful sauce

I will take issue with your use of Chipolte chiles. Although I am not particularly fond of Chilpoltes myself I refuse to let that enter into my judging. You have exhibited some restraint in using only one teaspoon of the crushed peppers but I am dubious as to its presence in the first place. What I am concerned with here is that the Chipoltes are a smoked pod and will therefore add an extremely conspicuous smokey dimension to the otherwise delicate sauce you have so ably concocted. Additional points of concern are that you have not strained the profuse quantity of seeds from the tomatillo puree, nor have you sieved the vegetative mass of the cilantro back out of the sauce prior to incorporation.

You are to be applauded in your use of dry fried spices. Sadly, I am only able to identify the pepper and the cumin as ones to receive this treatment. Again, I take issue with the use of black pepper in a recipe that is supposed to highlight green chile peppers. A white pepper would be less obtrusive in appearance but overall, this component, black or white, only serves to gild the lily. All of this is especially sad because you have included a complete triumph in this amalgam. The use of oregano is to be loudly cheered as it is a critical ingredient to truly authentic green salsas.

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The third dish is Clams Vanderbilt (like Rockerfeller, only richer!). Each person gets three of these tempting delights, broiled and served in skillets, nestled in a bed of rock-salt to keep them toasty hot!

Clams Vanderbilt
1 cup fresh bread crumbs
3 stalks of celery chopped
4 scallions, chopped
1/4 cup chopped parsley
4 TBLS butter
2 TBLS parmesean cheese
1/2 cup spinach, chopped
1/2 cup white wine
1/6 cup salt pork, chopped, fried crispy and well-drained. Pancetta would work too, or even bacon, in a pinch.
cayenne pepper
2 tsp absinthe (since you won’t have access to Chairman Scylla’s liquor cabinet, herbsaint can be substitued

Melt butter and sweat celery and scallions. Add parsley and spinach, cook for a minute or two more. Add breadcrumbs and stir well. Add the rest of the ingredients. Mix everything together until you have a stuffing-like mixture. Open 3 topneck clams per person. Get a skillet and fill with kosher salt. Nestle the clams into the salt, making sure that no salt gets into the clams! Put about 2 TBL of the stuffing on each clam and bake at 400 for about 4-4 minutes. Serve piping hot.

If points were awarded for humor in the descriptions you would have gotten full marks for the, “like Rockefeller, only richer!” crack. I was giggling for hours over that one.

Your failure to mention the type of clam being used until the very last paragraphs of the recipe is disconcerting but at least you have managed to do so this time. Absent is any reference to the type of white wine being used. While a white Burgundy would have been an excellent companion to this interesting recipe, I am obliged to insert a rather routine Chardonnay instead. You seem to be overly strict with your advice to, “bake at 400 for about 4-4 minutes.” A bit too stringent if you ask me. I suppose that I should see this as an attempt to compensate for prior imprecision. However, I will assume that the temperature is 400°F and not 400°C!

The inclusion of celery brilliantly coordinates with the anise notes of the Herbsaint. I could only wish that you had further perfumed the mix with a sprig of the celery leaves from the heart. This is one of the great secrets of celery use yet it is frequently overlooked. I am highly dubious about the use of Absinthe as it has an extremely bitter note conferred by the nefarious wormwood in it. The more traditional and well known licorice flavor of the Herbsaint would pull this together much better. The spinach, parsley and scallions all harmonize to modulate the Parmesan’s saltiness. For reasons of authenticity the use of salt pork was probably listed first but I can only dream of the superb richness that pancetta would have added. As it is next to last on the list of ingredients, I will assume that the cayenne pepper is in order of quantity used. Although right after it is two teaspoons of the liqueur. This I will do my best to overlook.

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Unlike Chairman Scylla, I’m not lucky enough to have no fond childhood memories of raking clams. In fact, I’ve been to a beach maybe twice in my life. Despite that, I have a love of seafood made fonder by the scarcity of the good stuff. As a lad, my sole experience with clams was limited to Howard Johnson’s. As a tribute to those fond memories, I present my take on the classic Fried Clams, on a bright orange plate, of course:

Fried Clams, Not-Really HoJo style (without the deadly HoJo subliminals of course! )

2 cups of shucked steamer clams
2 cups milk
2 eggs, beaten
1-2 dashes hot sauce (I like Frank’s)
dash cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp lemon juice
1 cup flour
1 cup corn meal
1 tsp salt
Oil for frying

Mix liquid ingredients. In another bowl, mix the dry ingredients. Dunk the clams in the liquid, dredge them in the dry mix and fry at 350 until golden. Drain well and serve with cocktail sauce and lemon slices. For a whimsical Howard Johnson’s touch, a large sprig of parsley should be placed on top of the cocktail Sauce.

Here we find a simple yet delicious dish that is easy for all to appreciate. Excellent restraint has been shown in recommending Frank’s hot sauce. Its lack of fire will serve to highlight rather than obliterate the clams’ delicate flavor. After taking such pains to ensure the right hot sauce is used the cocktail sauce goes by the boards without any indication of what type is being served. Is it ordinary Heinz or superb Crosse and Blackwell’s? Or have we been ambushed with some insipid Del Monte wanna be cocktail treacle? Again, specificity is your friend. In honor of this traditional recipe you have rightly cited the use of cornmeal. By avoiding such frou-frou contrivances as a tempura style batter you have made up for a host of oversights.

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Finally, my last dish, Clam Scampi. Redolent of garlic and lemon, this sophisticated dish will remind the judges that despite the sometimes frivolous touch presented earlier, there are depths to the clams.

Clam Scampi

1 cup dry white wine
1 large onion, chopped
10 (yes 10) cloves garlic, sliced thin
1 stick of butter
1 cup freshly chopped chowder clams (keep the liquid!)
3 tsp each chopped, fresh basil, oregano, thyme and rosemary
Cooked fettucini
Salt and fresh pepper to taste
Parmesean cheese for grating.

Saute the onion in the butter. Add the garlic and cook until garlic just starts to change color. Add herbs. Cook for a minute and add the clams. Cook until clams start to become opaque. Add the reserved clam-liquid and wine. Bring to a boil and serve over fettucini with a grating of Parmesean cheese.

Once again we are confronted with a wonderful recipe that has nearly been neutralized by the absence of important information. What type of clams? “Chowder clams” you say, but what are these? Why not authentic Venus clams from Italy for this scampi? Cherrystones, littlenecks or Pismos? What of the wine? Is it an Orvieto, Pinot Grigio or an ordinary bianco? What of the onion? Shall it be a mundane yellow or a stern white? There are so many questions that bubble up to the surface of this classic dish. I will refrain from asking if the fettucine is an egg yolk or standard Semolina noodle.

While I admire cooking with such a solid foundation in the roots of familiar flavors and styles, a bit too often I find myself revisiting common ingredients. This is much like having a close relative live too nearby. One can even see too much of a loved one. So it is here with another appearance of Parmesan cheese. I will avoid the obvious needling about, “is it Reggiano or Peccorino?” But there could also have been an Asiago, or Romano brought to this dish with a delightful variation in taste and no loss to its character.

You skirted potential disaster by bringing the garlic all the way to any sort of color change. There is no mention of browning it so I will drop this issue as one of no consequence. With all due credit there is mention of using the clam liquor. This a critical feature that no quantity of bottled clam juice or base can replace. I give a lusty cheer for such attention to detail. The salt marsh essence of this minor component is one of the few ways to guarantee the diner will know these are the freshest of clams.

[Zenster]

I will give my apology to the audience at large. A visit today to the oral surgeon left me in a bit of disarray.

Further notes:

Almost zero presentations were made. Platters of rock salt and a lonely orange plate were some of the few mentions made of any sort of presentation.

Creativity was shown in abundance, but it was accompanied by the wicked step-sisters of mistake and obscuration. This was especially disappointing.

The flavors and tastes had great potential. This was the most gratifying of all to see.

I has been sorely tempted to give both entrants a zero score for their blunders. In final review, I felt the prize should have gone to Fenris, but my tardy submission has given JavaMaven the trophy. So be it. While she displayed a flair for ingredients, her oversights were able to cancel her achievements almost entirely.

I will step back into the shadows with my apologies for such a belated response.

[Fenris]

Congratulations Java on your victory! And, at some point, I wanna rematch!

Zen,

Thanks for the critique (seriously…I’m not being sarcastic!) You raise a number of good points.

A couple of explainations/revisions:

I don’t like white pepper. It tastes…weak. I’m willing to accept the trade-off between little black specks in the food vs food that tastes right. Not using white pepper was entirely intentional. (I’m not debating on whether or not it was right to do so, just that it wasn’t an oversight.)

On the fried clams, I intended the cocktail sauce I made in the earlier recipe to be used for the fried clams too. Failing that, Bookbinder’s cocktail sauce has the right amount of horseradish and isn’t puree’d to ketchup-like smoothness.

The prepared chili sauce should be Heinz, which has the proper texture and sweetness, 'though it’s a trifle insipid. The horseradish makes up for that.

Regarding the green chili: I make this all the time and the long cooking time is a must. It tastes weird (metallic and citrusy) until about four hours in, then the flavor magically harmonizes (although the color does change a bit–turns a trifle greyish). I haven’t found a way to reconcile the color/flavor dilemma in this dish (I won’t even consider green food coloring), but at the same time, if it’s a choice between appearance or flavor, I’ll weigh down on the flavor side every time!

The variety of peppers are intentional, it give the dish a depth of flavor. The chipotle flakes should also be toasted and are required. The subtle hint of smoke is needed.

The cilantro should be prechopped (you’re right: the food processoring wouldn’t have chopped the cilantro finely enough on it’s own).

I never thought of straining the seeds from the tomatillos. The seeds never bothered me…it’s an interesting thought though…next time I make it, I’ll give it a try.

The Cayenne pepper should just be a tiny sprinkle and the cooking time should be 4-6 minutes.

I thought “chowder clams” were a specific type of clam! At least, around here (Denver) we can get Cherrystone clams and “Chowder clams” (and that’s about it, outside of the canned ones)

Now I want to see you, Zenster take on the person who must be considered the SDMB Iron Chef: Javamaven! Count me in for the judging! That’ll be a battle for the ages.

Fenris

[Why_A_Duck]

I would be the mysterious judge “P.” I had no intention of being mysterious, but I’ll admit it does make me sound like some sort of Bond character. I did sign my email to the chariman

“Your humble judge,
Why A Duck”

But there must have been smoke in the Chairman’s eyes.

[Zenster]

Fenris,

I deeply appreciate that you have taken my critique in its intended manner. My efforts to construct the criticisms consumed many hours over two days. Sadly, my visit to the oral surgeon really screwed up my sense of well being, ergo the tardy submission.

As to taking on JavaMaven, we shall have to see. I have a brutal holiday schedule coming up with many wrenches thrown into the works already. I do not think there is a way that I could adequately give myself to the task at this time. However, your keen interest in such a rematch is quite gratifying, to say the least.

Again, thanks for taking my suggestions in earnest. They were not meant as any sort of snippy rejoinders but instead, as solid analysis of what was put before me. Here’s wishing you and all of the SD crowd a very happy Thanksgiving.

Chris