Iron Chef Part Deux

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

If my memory serves, an epic battle was fought here in the SDMB kitchen stadium.

For the first time in hisory, I, Chairman Kaga was forced to cast my vote and fill in for some members of our unesteemed judging panel.

While the judging was controversial, the cuisine was supreme. This is as it should be.

Listen carefully. Hear that? Yes, that “gnash, gnash, gnash,” comes from none other than Iron Chef Zenster, who came to a most controversial defeat.

You don’t hear it? Ahhh, perhaps it is being drowned out by the quiet chuckling of Javamaven.

I have received a letter today from a concerned friend of Iron Chef Zenster.

"Dear Chairman Kaga:

You must arrange a rematch. Zenster spends his nights staring out a dark window as silent tears of defeat and humiliation roll down his cheeks.

His days are spent cooking the same dish over and over. Each time he begins there is hope in his eyes, until finally he dashes the contents of his suacepan against the wall screaming “Oh not good enough for you Kaga! Not good enough!” Then he breaks down inconsolably.

He is gaunt and haunted. The children hide from him. His dishes, while technically marvelous are filled with bitternes. He is a broken man.

Do you beleive in redemption Chairman Kaga?

Arrange the rematch.
Sincerely,

Javamaven.
P.S. I can’t wait to kick his ass again!"
How can I refuse such a heartfelt plea?
This is what I propose:
Iron Chef Part Deux!!!

If you wish to participate, I suggest you read the original thread.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=53588

You will be making quite a commitment.

If you wish to be a Chef, you will need to post actual recipes detailing your treatment of the secret ingredients for 4-5 dishes.

If you wish to judge you will be required to post a timely and thoughtful critique of each dish presented along with your scores.

As in the last contest, scoring will follow the Iron Chef concept. Ten points for taste, five for creativity, five for presentation. There will be a maximum total of twenty points.

We will need between 3-5 committed judges, and as many Chefs as wish to participate.

We will be having only one contest. Everyone will use the same secret ingredients.

So, if you wish to participate, and are willing to make the commitment please check in as either a Chef or a Judge.

Let us make this contest great, and work past the failings of the previous one.

Allez-cuisine!

2

Can I be the air-headed, elfin Japanese starlet?

3

I’m not in the mood to particpate as an Iron Chef this go-round, but I’d love to have the rights to do Otah’s part (and narrate some of the action as I did in the last thread)

Allez Cuisine, Fukui-San!

Might I also add a few other things to the rules: It is not permitted that a judge give an equal number of points to both Iron Chefs: the Judges have a maximum of 39 points to be doled out between the two chefs, with a maximum of 20 points going to an individual chef. This minimizes the number of tie votes and forces the judges to consider all aspects of the food.

Each dish MUST contain the chosen ingredient. Any dish that doesn’t is not counted in the judging.

The other rule clarification I would make is that an important factor that the judges must consider is how well each dish showcases the chosen ingredient. Per Kaga: Each dish must articulate about the surprise ingredient.

Finally, may I suggest that all concerned check out the Iron Chef Faq?

Fenris

4

Iron Chef Cajun/Creole checking in as a contestant. I will achieve glory for my bayou brethren!

5

Ohta, the memories… sniff sniff

I’m just going to sit in the Royal Box for this one, but I urge all interested to participate, it’s a good time!

6

You know Zenster’s been chomping at the bit for a grudge match. I’m ready and willing.

Oh, you betcha.
[Cocky Bobby Flay Voice] Bring it on! [/Cocky Bobby Flay Voice]

7

While we’re at it, I’d like to be Tenmei Kano, judge, photographer, raconature and man-about-town.

Basically, I want to get to interview the contestants while they’re cooking, then be a judge. Or am I getting greedy for roles?

Chairman Scylla, I ask humbly for your permission to fill both roles.

Fenris

8

No Fenris, I have total faith in your abilities. You may proceed.

We now have 2 chefs who have signed in, and one judge.

I’m sure Zenster will check in shortly. We will need two more judges at a minumum, and a few more chefs would be nice. Of course everyone is encouraged to participate with commentary.

Once we have the participants settled, I’ll annonce the theme ingredient(s) within 24 hours. We will then allow five days for final recipes, and await the tasting and the judges decision.

I have sent my minions searching and scouring the world, from the most exotic and esoteric, to the most basic staples in a quest for the ultimate theme.

I am still in the testing phase, rejecting ingredients that are merely excellent, and searching for the supreme, but I will reveal that since there will be several Iron Chefs competing, this will be a dual theme contest. There will be two ingredients which will need to be cunningly matched about a common center.

9

Well, since Chief Scott gets to be the Bimbo Du Jour and no way I want to be the vinegary fortune-teller, can be I be the silent but annoying cameraman again?

I considered asking to be the pissy Lower House Member just for cussedness but fear it would require more investment of time than I could promise. (Though it’d be a stitch to lampoon the guy; he’s a flaming twit.)

Nah, I’m in practice from the last Battle, what with scurrying under the chefs’ feet and getting close-ups of disgusting organs. ::sentimental sigh:: Remember that hari kiri? And I’m always to careful to shoot Chairman Kaga at the best angles to catch the radioactive glow from his costumes.

So…am I in?

Veb

10

Veb:

Of course! I was not satisfied with the way you dealt with the cables from the camera last time. You’ll need to pull them taught over high traffic areas so people will trip on them. And, I do expect ingredients on the lens at some point.

11

::robgruver comes out in Full Scottish Regalia in Clan MacLeod of Lewis Dress Tartan. Pipers follow him out playing Scotland the Brave::

I am here to prove once and for all that not all Scottish cusine sucks! I humbly ask that I be allowed entry into this contest.

12

Feh! All Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. Take haggis… someone named Fergus said to someone named Angus, “Sae ye think ye’re toof, is it? Well I darrrrre ya to eat a sheep’s stomach, stoofed wi’oatmeal and liverrrrr!”

All I can say is, if you think you can prevail over my sophisticated creole skills, “ye’re goin’ DOON!”

13

A joke, eh? Your a funny, funny man. At least we don’t suck the heads of crustations.

I am going to prove once and for all that Scottish cusine can be mixed with a varity of flavors. Prepare to meet your doom as I take over as SDMB’s king of cooking.

14

Gastronomes! Rally to my side and help me repel the Kilted Invader!

Do you REALLY want top cooking honors to go to a representative of a country whose cuisine seems to have no purpose other than to make scotch whisky taste good by comparison?

And let’s get some more contestants in here. I want a FIGHT.

15

::silent but annoying cameraman Veb edges forward in crouch toward the hem ofrobgruver’s kilt; scurries back away when robgruver makes a threatening pass with a big HONKIN’ cleaver; Chief Scott giggles coyly::

16

::A songbird darts from between the curtains to roost on the overhead stage lighting rack. It begins to trill a recognizable classical flute piece::

::Flashes of color and light, glint in the studio’s air as butterflies scatter about::

Zenster bows to Kaga and presents him with a commemorative hand lettered Scroll of his previous tournament menu.

Penned on pale green paper made from Spring bamboo, the Kleig lights shine through its edges with an emerald gleam. Powdered lapis-lazuli in the inked letters glimmers from inside the silk bound document. Written long ago, in anticipation of this event, Zenster has let bees from his secret orchards build a living button of honeycomb to seal the gold ticked crimson silk ribbon around the Scroll.

“My credentials , Kagasan.”

::Meanwhile utter mayhem has already erupted as one Iron Chef blowdarts the songbird for Lark’s Tongue in Aspic and another makes appetizers out of the butterflies::

::Some of the insects make it into the lighting and promtly vaporize in little puffs of smoke as the stage crew starts to get antsy::

17

We still need at least one more judge.

Will no one step forward?
or
bump

18

You mean you need someone to virtually eat wonderfully prepared food and make comments like you would about a job applicant? I am so there!

19

Verrain:

And I look forward to welcoming you to the show. I would just like to ask that you look at the past thread (cited) in the OP, and see some of the problems that we had with judges in our last competition.

The Chefs here go to a lot of trouble getting creative and posting recipes, and I only think it’s fair that they get a good return for their efforts.

So let me know if you’re willing to make that commitment.

(Please don’t be offended, I just want to double check)

20

So actually judge the dishes in a timely manner and write detailed descriptions. I can handle that. Game on!