WARNING: THERE WILL BE RANDOM, UNBOXED SPOILERS FOR HORROR MOVIES IN THIS THREAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. TURN BACK NOW.
After seeing Land of the Dead, I was inspired to rent a few other zombie movies, some of which I’d seen before, some of which were new to me.
One of them, Return of the Living Dead 3, involves a distraught young man who deliberately turns his girlfriend into a zombie. Now, she’s played by Melinda Clarke, so the impulse is understandable, but of course things really don’t go well. Turns out she wants to eat the brains of the living, and that puts a serious cramp on their relationship.
Which got me to thinking, it would’ve been kind of cool if, for once, bringing a girlfriend back from the dead had worked out, because it really never does.
Re-Animator? It’s not spelled out, but none of the other resurrections go well. Beyond Re-Animator? It’s spelled out, and it does not go well. (I don’t remember Bride of Re-Animator, but I’m guessing it’s the same deal.)
Pet Sematary? It’s strongly implied that it doesn’t go well. Resurrecting your toddler goes very very badly, and the final scene with the wife isn’t promising. Granted, neither is technically a girlfriend, but the principle is the same.
All the way back to Orpheus, reviving dead girlfriends is a one-way ticket to havocsville.
Anyone know of any exceptions?
;j
