Why do you think it’s significantly different?
Besides, IME, the overwhelming majority of bf/gf relationships are exclusive, so I’m not sure why you’re opposing bf/gf relationships and exclusive relationships.
I was married for two years to a woman who had three kids from a previous marriage. A medical condition caused me to medically grounded from flight duty in the military. When I came home one day and said I wouldn’t be flying in the military anymore she found her way into another bed exactly two weeks later. As far as I know she slept with two other guys over the course of 6 months.
She kept coming back saying she was sorry, and that an uncertain financial future scared her and she was lashing out. She has a history of physical and sexual abuse and I forgave her but as time went on and my time left in the military grew shorter she began to totally flush our relationship down the drain. We ended up divorced.
Fast forward two years… I landed a rather nice job and she found ways back into my life, but I can never take her back. My rationalle is such…
All your life you’re forced to share yourself
With love, you share it with family and friends.
You can share moments of intense trust, security, and familiarity among your closest friends and siblings.
But the one thing that you control that you don’t have to share with others is your body and passion. That’s the one really concrete physical thing that you have absolute dominion over. And to look at another person and say this is for you and only you makes monogamy unique and something to be cherished.
Believe me, I was pretty bad before I was married. Going from relationship to relationship (but never cheating). At one point my own mother said to me, “You’re closer to a Tom cat than Angel, but I love you anyway.” But the one thing I knew was the value of being committed, even if only for a few weeks or months.
When my ex-wife asked to come back a few months ago I told her her attempts to push me away were far more successful than she could have ever hoped.
- sorry about the long post *
Where is my post gone??? It cheated on me with the hamsters!!!
Well, let’s try again :
It never happened to me as far as I know, but I don’t think it would necessarily be a deal breaker because regarding cheating, it’s not the concept that a gf would have sleep with another man that would worry me, but rather :
- the lie, if lie is involved. Lie = no trust, and no trust = probable deal breaker
2)The fear that she would leave me. I know that because I’ve been once in a relationship with a girl I didn’t really trust, and was jealous. Not jealous because I was affraid she would sleep with another man, but jealous because I was affraid she would sleep with another man and then dump me (Actually, she dumped me without sleeping with another man)
So, the issue is mostly trust, not cheating per se.
A little technical, I know, but I would also be worried by STDs.
What is weird is that given your situation, I would come to the same conclusion but mostly for the opposite reason. “Sharing her body” wouldn’t necessarily be a big deal, but being pushed aside when I’m in dire straits (in your case being grounded, risking to lose your job, etc…) would be a treason, and an absolute deal-breaker. If I can’t rely on her, why on earth would I ever consider staying with her? By comparison, sleeping with the neighbor seems small potatoes to me.
I don’t care much for “fair weather friends” (or lovers).
You’re right…
It was betrayal on so many levels compounded by the mental picture of some dude breaking a sweat on top of the ‘Ol Lady’, and her getting off on it.
It was mind bogglingly insane and the lowest I’ve ever felt. It’s an episode I never want to relive.
OK, let me further explain, so you don’t t hink I’m a complete idiot:
Girlfriend/boyfriend to me (just to me) implies casual dating. No exclusivity, or anything, just friends dating, freely, no exclusive relationship.
I am not opposing anything, just trying to get an idea of what, exactly, this relationship is. Nothing more.
The name cheated on you with me. Sorry. 
(Actually I just changed my screenname from the less-than-memorable KKBattousai, a fact I added to my sig - I think - which was a moot point, because I don’t actually use it. Sorry to infringe on your turf; I kinda forgot there was already a Gozu when I was going through names. :o )
Well if there’s no exclusivity, then one should have no problem letting their BF/GF know about the cheating. If you have a problem doing this, then you cannot be trusted, and its a deal breaker.
In my book, there is NO excuse for cheating. I wouldn’t let him touch me again if he touched someone else. Drunk or caught up in the moment… that’s bullshit. If he puts himself in that situation/position, he’s betraying my trust. Once betrayed in that area… the trust is never the same.
I think Mr Johnson feels the same way.
To sum that up - absolute deal breaker.
I don’t do mongamy, promises of exclusivity, etc. But if anything was important enough that I asked for and received a promise, I’d be pretty hurt if one of my partners broke that promise. Dealbreaker? Maybe not, but it better be good. And it depends on how badly I was hurt aside from the trust issue. (I wouldn’t ask for a promise if it didn’t portend to have genuine impact on my life).
Male. Dealbreaker. What ** Anastasaeon** said. For me, relationships have been places of (relative) emotional safety. Cheating = I’m not safe, and I couldn’t ever get past that.
Yes. Good-bye forever, and don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.
My husband cheated on me last fall, and I didn’t really have a problem with it.
I mean, I don’t want him to make a habit out of it, but it really wasn’t a big deal to me. He felt rotten about it, though, which I appreciated.
I’m also poly, and cheating would be a deal-breaker. Of course, we have to be a bit more specific as to what “cheating” means. If he slept with an ex, or with someone I specifically asked him not to and he agreed not to, then he’s showing me he’s not the person I thought he was - not because his penis is involved, but because he’s broken his word and shown me he has no integrity.
Being with someone who has no integrity just doesn’t work for me.
Anastasaeon once again, we are in complete agreement.
When I was with my first husband, intellectually, I believed I would forgive him if he cheated. ('70s and I was young.)
But when I found out he had cheated over and over, I packed up and left, almost without thinking. It was RIGHT.
I knew I would never be able to trust him again.
He remarried years before I did. She was so jealous, she insisted they move as far as possible from me.
After several years, my son was living in the same area as he. I went to visit my son, and ex called everyday to invite me to “lunch.” I said I’d be happy to have lunch with the two of them, but everyday there was another excuse why she couldn’t make it, and the invitations became more and more suggestive…
Yes, I was afraid of the physical attraction the might still be there, so I wouldn’t see him.
On my last day there, I finally had the courage to tell him what an ass he was for expecting me to help him cheat on his wife, when that was why I left him!
He was shocked. He totally didn’t get it. Some things, and people, never change. :rolleyes:
Absolute dealbreaker for me.
I tried giving someone another chance once. It worked out very badly. I said I forgave him, I thought I did, but I never got any trust back. I became an insecure, paranoid harpy. I hated myself like that. I’m not going back there again.
Totally depends on how serious the relationship is, what the circumstances were, whether it’s happened before, etc. It’s definitely something I don’t take lightly, but I’d never say that it’s absolutely (or automatically) a deal-breaker.
Male, probably a dealbreaker but you never know. No one’s ever cheated on me and gotten caught so I can’t say for sure. I’m easily slighted but not at all jealous, if that makes any sense.
If it were a boyfriend and we were committed, him cheating would be a dealbreaker.
If I were married, especially since I have children, it wouldn’t automatically be a dealbreaker. When you’re married, you sometimes have to make decisions for the greater good of the family, so depending on the circumstances of the cheating, it may come down to a list of pros and cons.
Substitute husband for wife, and, Manda JO has nailed my sentiments to the Tee.
Thanks for making it easy