Yeah, it’s easy from the outside to say, “This empty dog food bag is obviously garbage,” and toss it, but there’s something else going on with the hoarder that makes them keep it, or they would have tossed it themselves long ago.
I wonder if it is a control thing, and also if it’s genetic or environmental. When I moved out of my mother’s house, I started having a tendency to keep everything. My mother was absolutely the opposite of a hoarder and would throw out even useful things if they were clutter-y or even if they just bothered her. Particularly MY things - she would just give my stuff away, too. Needless to say I developed a bit of a complex over it.
As the years went by and we moved several times and I started hearing about hoarders something went “click” in my head and I just started throwing stuff out. Once we moved, and then two years later, moved again. Anything that I had brought through the first move, kept for two years and never used, I tossed.
My SO had a hard time with it, too. He had his high school stuff for a long time. But when he saw me throwing my stuff out ruthlessly, I think he relaxed, too, and when he saw I was being careful about shredding stuff and truly not throwing out really important stuff, he started sorting through his stuff, too.
I am nowhere near my mom now but it amuses me that I definitely lean on that side of the spectrum. I have more of my mom in me than perhaps I like to admit. I wonder if children of hoarders become hoarders too.
Yep. Most of the cases documented on the show Hoarders are dealing with people who simply can not throw anything away. One guy was holding onto some ancient pills simply because his disceased mother had used them twenty years ago.
Others gain their sense of worth and and are comforted buy purchasing junk and having it around them.
I have no idea how many hoarding cases have at their root mental illness.
Nailed it in a nutshell.
Just saw this, but no, the oldest daughter is not his, and my uncle is estranged from his own two children. Hoarding is not his only mental hangup…
It was something unrelated. He ends up in jail or in the hospital a couple of times a year. That’s when I haul stuff off.
I agree with both of you. I understand that this is a mental illness. I’m not family or a SO, I have NO right to go through his home and toss out empty boxes and bags. I get it, really, I do.
However, as his friend, I just can’t leave him to live in that mess. He gets upset, but he always gets over it. If he got really upset, he could always take my keys away and not let me in again.
Sometimes I think he is secretly relieved when I haul trailor loads of trash to the landfill, but he can’t show it. He will even toss empty dog food bags in the trash for a while after I’ve cleaned, but then it starts all over again.
My mother was a proto-hoarder. She died in August, and I’m still in the process of cleaning out the house (although I’m about thisfar from resigning the executorship and letting some other poor sucker deal with it). Now, this is complicated by the fact that I have neither the time nor the money (I live 200 miles away, so I only get up there about one weekend a month) to actually get this house ready to be sold. It needs repairs. It still needs cleaning…we’ve got the actual TRASH out of the first floor, but we’ve still got JUNK: knick-knacks, boxes of QVC products, furniture, appliances, gewgaws and gimcracks. We’ve gotten the antique toys my late father collected and repaired out of there and also his Victorian advertising ephemera. But that’s just the first floor! I have a second floor full of Christmas decorations and junk we took down from the attic last time I was there but haven’t had a chance to go through, we’ve got a bathroom upstairs full of ancient soap and shampoo and conditioner and crap like that, we’ve got a basement with the effluvia of 40 years of living stuck in random corners and up among the joists and in the storeroom under the porch, along with a non-working washer and dryer, a huge upright freezer and lord knows what else (and possibly black powder, as well, since I don’t know if they got rid of all their rifle-shooting supplies after they stopped competing).
It’s a mess, and one that I really want to just set a match to, to tell the truth. That house has gone from housing the fond memories of my childhood to being something I truly hate to even look at in the last six months.
jayjay, is it possible for you to turn your modus operandi around and go through the house and just take out or mark the things that you want, and hire some movers/cleaners to just blitz the rest of the house and clean it top to bottom?
Similar to the idea that Cat Whisperer sort of hinted at, has anyone started a service where they will clean out your hoard for free, but get to keep anything they find along the way?
I could see that being a fantastic opportunity in a house like the one jayjay has. I bet a junk disposal company working with an antique dealer could make a tidy profit if they knew what they were looking for and between donations and tax write offs for the rest, plus sales of valuable items in a house like that, you might be able to work something out. Has anyone ever tried that? I realize that would only work if the ‘junk’ really was antique ‘junk’ and not just old food wrappers and garbage from the last five years.
I smell a new lame ‘History Channel’ show like ‘American Pickers’, but far stupider…
I don’t have the money to hire anyone for anything right now, unfortunately. That’s part of why I’m heading for resigning the executorship. She made out her will while I was still living there, in the house, and never changed it when she started to get sick.
There’s really nothing in there that’s worth it to anyone. The only antiques were the toys and ephemera that I already removed. You could probably get a couple hundred bucks from the furniture.
You have my sympathy. All that STUFF. But, really, how can one resign exectorship? You are named and she is dead. There is nothing of value for you there so why should you be responsible?
This isn’t snark…this is a very worried question. When my friend climbs the clock tower…my name is on his land title. I need that to use it to bail him out. As the person who has legal rights to my friend’s stuff…does that mean that I can’t bail when his “family” swoops in?
It depends. If there are estate funds, jayjay should be able to use them to clean the house to get it ready for sale. He shouldn’t have to put out his own funds.
flatlined, are you on the deed to his property? How is it titled? If so, then upon his death, you may be an owner of the real property. That is different from being his executor. In my jurisdiction, even if you are named executor under a will, you can refuse to qualify and serve.
Best of luck, JayJay. Hang in there, even if that means dropping out.
I have pondered this very same thing, but I was figuring on.
Plan A: $15/hr per man hour, we own what we find, and probably faster cleanout because we can just pack stuff up and sort it later.
Plan B: $25/hr per man hour, any treasures are set aside for you before pitching.
A small warehouse and a big dumpster 
Some rules are meant to be broken. A collection of pens that were used to sign historic legislation, for instance. Throwing those away would be like tossing out silver dollars.
My Grandmother was not a hoarder, she regularly “cleaned house”, but she’d kept a stack of magazines of my uncle, in his old basement bedroom, for years. I read them when I lived there one summer. Years later, I saw them stacked by the back door, ready for the refuse heap (she still had an incinerator behind her house, though I can’t remember if it was still being used). I salvaged the ones that had articles and photos of my Dad and Grandfather hunting and fishing (Sports Afield, Outdoor Life, etc.). They didn’t mean anything to her, but they do to my brothers and me.
The title to his home and to his truck has me listed as “and/or”. I can sell it with or without his signature. I’m the executor for his will. He wants his stuff sold and the money to go to a couple of charities that we both support. My friend has issues, but he also has a heart of gold.
His family has disowned him. The only time I’ve known them to show any interest in him was when I helped him get his disability sorted out and he got a big payment. If/when this becomes more than an intellectual exercise, I fully expect his family to swoop down and want anything of value.
My plan is to get his animals out and let the family take what they want. It’s not what my friend would want, but he will be past caring about stuff by that time.
He’s in his mid-50’s, so I don’t expect to have to deal with it anytime soon, but this is why I feel free to throw his dog food bags out now. 2 years ago, he had to have his swamp cooler replaced. The old one was a rusted out piece of junk that he thought he’d keep and use for something. I hauled that to the landfill this morning. I figured he was already mad at me about the dog food bags and plastic buckets, so why not?
Just a thought: if you are a hoarder, and can’t quickly reform, change your will so as not to inflict your hoarded crap on loved ones.
Leave ‘your house and all its contents’ to the relative you’ve always hated. <gwt>
I “hoard” on my computer, does that count? I tend to save a lot of pictures and bookmarks. I do look at said pictures and use said bookmarks, so it’s not like they’re saved just to save. 
I have lots of experience cleaning homes, and have done a few hoarders and still working with some people that could let it get to that point if left to their own devices.
I have cleaned for people that their parents were hoarders and after they passed away, I obtained the dubious task of cleaning the parents home. In the event that I had full reign to clear out and clean up with the home without any interference from the children, I have cleaned a home in a week. If I have a home where the children want to be involved in the “debris removal” process, then it does take longer, sometimes two to three weeks. I had one instance where a lady called and after she had tried unsuccessfully to clear out her father’s home within three months, I went in and we managed to clear it out within a month.
When dealing with hoarders, you have to deal with the disease they have. When dealing with children of hoarders, you have to deal with the emotional breakdowns and guilt.