I am attending a funeral for a secular humanist friend later today. As I was getting ready this morning I asked my husband to pass me the small black cloche I bought for a (religious) friend’s father’s funeral last year, and he sounded a bit surprised and said “Oh, I didn’t think it was going to be a religious ceremony.”
I have never thought of covering my head for funerals as a religious thing, but maybe that’s because I’ve only ever been to one funeral (which was religious) and most funerals shown in films are religious as well. I do feel slightly uncomfortable about the idea of having my head uncovered, because it feels disrespectful, but I think it would be much more disrespectful to my friend to bring religion into a space he wanted to be secular humanist. I’m trying to decide whether to wear the hat or not.
… it would depend on the religion, the location and even on the covering.
In general and baseball caps aside, I would say that wearing a covering is more formal / respectful than not wearing one. Religion got nothing to do with that.
The two funerals I’ve been to, nobody covered their heads. They weren’t particularly religious, but they weren’t irreligious either.
I’ll be honest, I think you’re putting a bit too much thought into it. If you feel more comfortable wearing the hat; and it is a very nice, plain hat I’m sure nobody at the funeral will be standing there going “How dare she cover her head at this humanist funeral?!”
I was thinking more of the difference between Catholic ceremonies (where men other than a bishop would be expected to doff any headcoverings) and Jewish ones (where men would be expected to wear at least a yarmulke), and of the difference between a mantilla (which are a bitch to remove, so once it’s on you only take it off if it will stay off), a small hat like yours (which under Spanish etiquette I’d expect to come off pretty much any time its owner is off the street and under a ceiling) and a pamela (removed under a ceiling if the owner has a place to leave it).
The first division is actually between two different religions, the second one has nothing to do with religion.
I’ve not really encountered anyone wearing those, but I did notice when I googled that people seem to wear one just as a fashion accessory, now, too. So I can’t see how anyone would assume you were wearing it for religious reasons.
Maybe not, but I am very conscious that religion and religious practices do tend to intrude especially in life cycle events where they aren’t necessarily wanted, and I don’t want to be insensitive.
Well, I was the only one there with any kind of hat or head covering, and I felt quite awkward, especially when someone came up to me at the wake and said, “GREAT hat! Where’d you get it?”
I will have to figure out a way to cover my head that is neither overtly religious nor likely to be perceived as a bold fashion statement.
Truly, seeing someone wearing a wintry-type hat in the summer heat is probably more startling than seeing a bare head especially at a non-hat-wearing-non-religion ceremony. Even my Catholic relatives don’t wear hats to funerals, nor head-coverings of any type. Maybe your discomfort is just from your lack of funeral-going experience.