is gray hair less attractive?

[DianaG]

@Rachellelogram

All the dudes pitching in about how you’re still a decent catch and credible in the workplace, despite your gray hair? Your experience will not be mirrored by a woman who goes gray. This is a huge double-standard, but there’s nothing we can do to change it. Like I said above, age discrimination is a *big *problem in the workplace, and much moreso for women than men. A woman who looks old will treated like an old person. She will take an involuntary hit to her credibility. People will assume that she’s losing things like her hearing, her vision, her mental acuity, and her health. She may be sidearmed into early retirement. Yeah it’s unethical and illegal, but that doesn’t stop it from happening.

Where do you work? Hooters?

[Ibanez]

@Rachellelogram

All the dudes pitching in about how you’re still a decent catch and credible in the workplace, despite your gray hair? Your experience will not be mirrored by a woman who goes gray. This is a huge double-standard, but there’s nothing we can do to change it. Like I said above, age discrimination is a *big *problem in the workplace, and much moreso for women than men. A woman who looks old will treated like an old person. She will take an involuntary hit to her credibility. People will assume that she’s losing things like her hearing, her vision, her mental acuity, and her health. She may be sidearmed into early retirement. Yeah it’s unethical and illegal, but that doesn’t stop it from happening.

That’s not to say that the OP shouldn’t do what she wants. But she should go into this decision with her eyes open. There are consequences to every choice, and a woman who chooses not to cover her gray WILL be treated like an old(er) woman. Sugarcoating this with your own experiences (“I have gray hair and I’m fine!”) is not applicable because women and men don’t have the same experiences wrt hair color. Men can lose their hair and it’s okay. Men can go gray and it’s okay. Working women are expected to rock the same shiny mane at age 70 as we had at age 10. And although we can buck that expectation, it’s not without consequence.

So your implying that a women who’s graying at 40, who’s face looks 40 but has gray hair. Who aces an job interview, has a great education, great work experience, impeccable references, is going to be treated like an old bat on the verge of senility and will be passed over ?

Ain’t buying it.

I don’t think the problem is what other people think of graying women, but it’s how women view themselves.

[JackieLikesVariety]

Check out the toxicity of various hair colors. They are usually safe for the customer

there is no “safe” or “unsafe”, only your over-all toxic “load”. everything adds up, is the way it works.

your liver and your immune system fight as best they can.

[JackieLikesVariety]

@phouka

There are other herbal dyes than henna. www.hennaforhair.com offers Cassia obovata (blond) and indigo (blue-black), and there’s a great deal of documenation on how to achieve different colors, including dying gray hair. You can, for instance, add indigo to henna to get a cooler brown.

Me? I’ve been using henna on my hair for a couple of years now. It’s not so much that I mind the gray - I’ve been going gray for fifteen years now - it’s that I’m in this awkward half-and-half stage that looks washed out. Henna changes my color from an anemic gray-brown to a robust chestnut with copper highlights. It doesn’t fade. It smells good. And they dye doesn’t harm the hair follicles.

henna is actually good for you hair, yes? makes it more healthy and softer.

thanks for the link!!!

[j666]

@Ibanez

So your implying that a women who’s graying at 40, who’s face looks 40 but has gray hair. Who aces an job interview, has a great education, great work experience, impeccable references, is going to be treated like an old bat on the verge of senility and will be passed over ?

Ain’t buying it.

I don’t think the problem is what other people think of graying women, but it’s how women view themselves.

Maybe not. But a woman with a decent education, solid work experience, and reliable references just might.

(And the woman above with a bad dye job definitely will.)

[Telemark]

@JackieLikesVariety

there is no “safe” or “unsafe”, only your over-all toxic “load”. everything adds up, is the way it works.

Can you post a citation for this claim?

[Leaffan]

@Rachellelogram

…Working women are expected to rock the same shiny mane at age 70 as we had at age 10. And although we can buck that expectation, it’s not without consequence.

I’m sorry Ms. Johnson. Your credentials are perfect, and we can tell from your CV approximately how old you are, but you have gray hair. I’m afraid we don’t hire anyone with gray hair here because of the risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.

Perhaps you’d be better off volunteering in a nursing home.

You’re only 50? Well, we don’t hire people with gray hair. I’m sorry.

[Der_Trihs]

@Leaffan

Well, we don’t hire people with gray hair. I’m sorry.

Beware the hair!

[kittenblue]

I was just at a corporate meeting. 30 women, two men, all ages represented…not a one of us had any grey hair showing, or a silver mane. I was pretty anxious about making sure my roots were touched up before I went, not because I was especially worried about being one of the oldest women there, but because I wanted to appear professional. If I were a stunning, striking, fit woman who can afford great cuts and had the talent to make my hair do what I want it to, I might possibly go natural…but I am none of those things. (the one good thing about having some extra weight? You don’t look wrinkly as quick!) But women in my family do not grey well. And if my mom’s white hair is any indication, we don’t do white well either. So I will continue to color.

My sister never did anything with her hair, and let me tell you she looked tired and worn out (and to be honest, she is, at 60, tired and worn out). The she got breast cancer, lost all her hair and started with the wigs in her old natural color…and she got tons of compliments from people who didn’t realize she was wearing a wig! So when her hair grew back in, she started coloring. It makes her feel less old and exhausted when she looks in the mirror. She doesn’t look as washed out. And until she opens her mouth and reveals herself as a totally unhip person she gets the benefit of the doubt! She’s still frumpy and dumpy and can’t be bothered to style her hair half the time, but the first thing you see isn’t “Old Lady”.

I take a look around our church choir from time to time…ONE grey-haired old lady, and most of the women are well over 65! And from attitude and bearing, she seems like the oldest one there, and she is not. All the others who are active and vibrant color their hair. One silver-haired lady, but hers is chemically enhanced and she has a fantastic cut and the skill to maintain it. Lots of blondes!

And none of the older single women I know who are dating are grey-headed. All of my girlfriends (we are 55ish) are professionals, and we all color our hair. Especially the lawyer! And she works in Elder Law and had a TV show dealing with Elder Issues! But she feels that a professional image for her means coloring her hair. And since I’ve known her since seventh grade, I can guarantee she’s coloring to her natural color. None of us stray far from our natural palette, though I occasionally go a bit redder for my fella. Boy’s got a weakness for redheads!

[Curiosity_Kills_Her]

I have a lot of gray hair, and I was absolutely opposed to hiding that. As I like to say - I earned every one, damnit. For years my hairdresser suggested color to me, but I wasn’t interested. I’d let her put some highlights in, maybe. No more than that.

Well I finally broke down and let her color my gray last spring. It looks fine but I hate it. I hate the maintenance required; I hate the cost involved. I am not a ‘hang out in the hair salon and listen to women gossip’ kind of person.

For the record, it (gray hair) didn’t seem to effect my attractiveness to the opposite sex and I even received a couple of random complements from both sexes. The one and only negative comment I ever received was from my best friend who hadn’t seen me in a few years, and in her case I think it had more to do with her being older than me (she’s almost 60, I’m barely 40). For whatever reason I think my gray hair made her feel old.

[schy0007]

@JackieLikesVariety

I am only 51 but have enough gray hair that it makes me feel old. also, I think people in our culture get less respect if their hair is gray. my Mom told me this was her experience so she colored her hair right up until she retired. she said she absolutely got more respect.

so, I should color it, right? I want to.

I think it depends on your choice. If you like it then its OK but others choice is nothing mandatory. First you have to think which one you like then take it.

[Rachellelogram]

@Leaffan

I’m sorry Ms. Johnson. Your credentials are perfect, and we can tell from your CV approximately how old you are, but you have gray hair. I’m afraid we don’t hire anyone with gray hair here because of the risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.

Perhaps you’d be better off volunteering in a nursing home.

You’re only 50? Well, we don’t hire people with gray hair. I’m sorry.

This is obviously hyperbole, as this sort of discussion would invite a lawsuit. But how could anyone not think age-discrimination happens? Even if it’s merely an unconscious bias, it does. We live in a society that worships youth, so how could that NOT carry over into the business world? Take a woman in her late forties applying for a job. If her hair is gray, she’s going to appear 50+. The interviewer may think, we don’t really want to go to all the trouble of training somebody who’s guaranteed to be here for less than 10 years. The same woman with dyed hair could appear to look as young as 40, with an estimated potential career length that’s twice as long. Older people are also thought to be less tech-savvy, more change-resistant, and less-accepting of criticism in general. All other things being equal between 2 female candidates, the one who looks younger and appears to “take care of herself” better is *vastly *more likely to get the job.

I’m not saying the mindset isn’t draconian, but this is how people think. This is how the business world works. Even if it only manifests as a vague prejudice against the elderly, this kind of bias is impossible for a lot of people to separate themselves from. If a hiring manager is going over 20 interview candidates after the fact, they may cull people as a “bad fit” for no tangible reason other than the gut feeling they got during the interview. And perception of age is absolutely part of that gut feeling.

Again, I encourage the OP to go gray if that’s what she really wants. But I want her to understand the consequences of that decision. It will make her look older and may limit her appeal to future employers. I’ve inherited early gray from my family. I have too many silvers to pull out at my temples, and I’m only 28! And every single woman in my family dyes her hair. I’ll have to make this decision myself, soon enough.

[JackieLikesVariety]

Rachellelogram

I want to thank you for all the well-thought out & expressed posts here - I agree with you absolutely. anyone who thinks ageism or sexism isn’t out there affecting the lives and financial security of people is…well, as wrong as those who think this is a colorblind society.
and for the person who wanted a cite, no I don’t have one. this wasn’t a thread about convincing people hair color is toxic, it was about what should I do when I already am convinced that it can be. I did give a link to one book upthread - Slow Death By Rubber Duck - which is only one of many things I have read about toxins in our environment. the one that makes the point that our choices make a very large difference!

[alice_in_wonderland]

OP, what industry are you in? I think that could make a difference to your decision.

Also, it’s tougher to find but you can buy hair colour in Type 1 - it has much fewer chemicals in it than type 2 or 3 - when I work in cosmetics I had ladies with lupus who used it. Perhaps you could discuss that option with your stylist?

[pseudotriton_ruber_ruber]

Anecdotal data department: my current GF (early 50s) has pure silver-gray hair, and it’s among her most attractive qualities, of which she has many. It’s totally beautiful, and I prefer it to whatever color it was before we met. (Hmmm–the only picture of her I’ve seen before we met is with a head of bright-pink hair. It’s definitely more attractive than that.)

[El_Burro_Buenmozo]

Just popped in to mention that I LOVE grey hair on women if it’s in a pretty style. I can spot a dye job and in the majority of cases, they are completely unnecessary and just make the woman look desperate. We are all aging, so accept it and work with what you got. Unless your hair is naturally “tired” looking, I say leave the dye alone and rock your natural color. (I’m 44 and very grey myself.)

[zhoen]

Started going grey in my 20s, couldn’t stand the light color in my very dark hair, dyed it until my mid 40s. So hard, growing it out, but it’s lovely, long, silver and dark mix. Husband loves it like this.

Mind you, I wear a hat at work (in surgery) so the whole power/social work thing isn’t an issue. I certainly look older, which I find gets me more respect, not less. I’ve grown very comfortable with my age, but then I’ve never had the kind of looks that made a difference anyway. I suspect pretty women, stylish women, who are in a business world, have a very different set of expectations and needs.

Assurance is attractive, no matter what color the hair.

[j666]

@Rachellelogram

I have too many silvers to pull out at my temples, and I’m only 28! And every single woman in my family dyes her hair. I’ll have to make this decision myself, soon enough.

An attractive silver with youthful skin is very effective.

[ThelmaLou]

It depends on your coloring. Summers and winters generally look good with gray hair. I had a girlfriend who used to color her hair when she started to go gray, but it never looked quite right. When she let it go completely gray, it took 10 years off her age. She was luminous! However, I am an autumn, and I will never let myself go gray. It just doesn’t suit my skin color.

[JackieLikesVariety]

I guess the answer is, it depends. look like Jamie Lee Curtis? thumbs up. GreatGrandma? not so much.

I am in healthcare and I think I have winter coloring… I know that warm colors don’t suit me.

and right now I do not have lovely silver locks. I have salt & pepper, almost all salt in front.

thank you, everyone, for your posts! kisskiss