Quite a few places around here, actually. And then Groupon and Yelp also have credit card-linked deals at a bunch of independent places, but those are invisible to the waitstaff and anyone at the table other than the cardholder…
Probably a place about like this: https://fogodechao.com/ . There are several such chains, and countless one-offs. They have an elaborate upscale soup, salad, appetizer, and sides bar that’s self-serve, but the main course (meat, meat, and more meat) is served tableside by circulating servers.
The basic meals are $60-ish plus drinks. More in a high cost area. Plus tax and tip. The last time I ate alone in one it was about $100 w tip. Early this year I took a group to their location in downtown New Orleans where it was clear up front to all that I would be paying. 6 people, $600. A fine time was had by all.
Yes, I’m familiar with the concept of “going out to dinner with friends”. But as I said, the majority of my meals out have been of the “we are all meeting here for dinner” vs “I am hosting dinner at…”. I’m just curious as to what segment of the population the latter is more common.
You said “buffet type” Was it actually a buffet or was it more of a Brazilian steakhouse, which often have a large buffet in addition to roving waiters bringing meat to the table? $80 is not expensive for a Brazilian steakhouse.
This all feels like an absurd amount of Sturm und Drang. I’ve been invited/have invited people out for hundreds of meals, some of which everyone pays and some of what the host pays and almost always, it was abundantly clear which was which ahead of time and almost always, it never required the explicit discussion on the terms. People seem to be able to figure out how to communicate it via abundant context clues in the real world with no issue but people here somehow seem incredulous that this is possible?
As for the situation in the OP, I would have simply asked “Oh great, what sort of coupon is it?” with the underlying context of “Are you saying this is a coupon for us to share or just for you” and the reply would have given you the answer without either side explicitly asking the other the exact terms of payment.
How much did you tip yourself for the service?
Anyway, I get it, the Nordic Lodge here in RI is over $100 a pop now. All the lobster and prime rib you can eat.
Just dropping in to add what I think is a newer feature…
Couple of years ago, I noticed an increasing trend where, when the check comes on its little tray, everyone tosses their credit card on top of the check.
It’s gotten to the point where that’s the default now.
(disclaimer: in my socio-economic group, in my neck o’ the woods)
I love it. It’s so much less awkward than one person having to be the leader who turns the check over and announces who owes what. And avoids the old “So, Chris, you had the chexo and the chang, so… thirteen-fiddy… Pat, you had…”
(Oh, God. I just had a flashback to the 60s, when we were young and poor and everything was done with cash, so one person paid the bill, and everyone else dug around in their cut-offs for a wad of damp bills and the poor bill-payer got shorted, and everyone argued about what they owed and the we all looked at MoonDude who said “Hey, I paid my share. I think…'sides, a five is all I got til I sell this weed…”)
Anyhow, the “everyone throw your cards on the tray” thing is so prevalent now that I went to the bank and asked if I could get a cooler-looking card.
How does that work? Is the server supposed to divide up the check and put a portion on each card? Or worse, figure out who ate what?
The waiter charges everyone based on what they ordered. The customers tell him if anything if there are any changes. “Put all the drinks on mine” or “the two of us are together.”
Everything is in the computer, it takes like 30 seconds to split everything up before charging the various cards.
ETA: Throwing all the cards onto a single tray is something that I only do at the one or two places where we’re regulars and the servers know us all by name. Otherwise it’s still individual sleeves.
How is the computer supposed to know what everyone ordered? How does a pile of credit cards on the tray make anything easier, unless you are only taking about splitting the bill evenly between each card, not people actually paying for what they ordered.
Groupon had offers for places that would be a step up from Olive Garden. But they were often for some sort of fixed meal, appetizer and a main course and maybe one alcoholic drink, usually offered for 2 or 4 people. But that’s something which needs to be declared up front. And then damn games restaurants would play with them made them borderline useless.
Claim Jumper sounds like a very cool name for a restaurant
Wow. I would much prefer, “please split it evenly between us.”
That seems “close enough” for all but the most type A people.
My preference is to pick up the tab, but some people feel funny about that if I do it more than once, so we end up giving the waiter two cards and asking them to split it 50/50.
Which is fine. Honestly, the only thing in this thread that is absolutely baffling and alien to me is the idea that my friendships are doomed because I don’t pick up the check every time I suggest going to dinner.
The thing is, the traditional etiquette books were written by and for the Upper Crust, and it was assumed that the impact of the money spent wasn’t a factor that weighed a whole lot.
And it’s still true enough when you only have groupings that are on more or less similar financial status. If Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos eat out together, no matter how expensive the restaurant, it has no affect on whether they’ll be able to meet their rent that month regardless of whether one pays the whole tab or they split it.
It’s only when the people involved have significantly different income levels, or one side might be living closer to the bone due to debts or ‘stretching’ for a more expensive life style than they can easily afford or other such factors, that you have a problem. That’s when a default of ‘everyone pays for what they chose to eat’ makes a whole lot more sense.
We eat out semi-regularly with another couple in our town. At a quick glance, we’re in comparable circumstances in turns of where we live, what our houses look like, jobs/retirement status. But I happen to know that they have been paying a lot to keep one of their mothers in a much nicer housing situation for years due to early Alzheimer’s, and the result is that they have to make careful decisions on what they spend otherwise. It would be horrific if they were pinched by having to pay for our dinners, especially if this was the time I indulged in the lobster and hubby had a few drinks. So A) we always pay for ourselves and B) always take our cue from what they are ordering. If they’re skipping the appetizers and desserts and drinking only water, well then, that ‘happens’ to be what we’re in the mood for, too. Yeah, maybe I really would have liked that seven layer Death by Chocolate cake, but the point of eating out with them is to be with our friends, and I’m not going to sit there gorging on cake in front of people who have decided it’s not in their budge at present.
This is what I’ve been mulling on as I’ve been reading this thread. I can’t quite figure out if this is a class-related cultural artifact or a regionalism. Because I’m another middle-aged person who has never, ever heard this thing about inviter pays. I mean not ever. Far as I know none of my friends have ever had that expectation either. That adds up to a lot of people over the decades. Which I should add has been spent overwhelmingly in urban California as an adult buying meals.
Now I do in fact often pick up checks or will offer to because I can afford to and I like doing it. And I’ll happily let someone reciprocate if they feel like it. But the 100% expectation is people are always going dutch unless otherwise specified.
It would make sense if this were an upper to middle class habit retained from when dining out was a special occasion. But I am not from the upper or propertied/entrepreneurial/professional middle class exactly, more well-educated working class I guess. And me and my friends eat out constantly 
.
So regional or class, but it sure hasn’t been the experience in my little corner of the universe.
Is there a mechanism for you to also get a coupon? How do they acquire one that is unavailable to you? Can they get one for you also?
Did you read the rest of my post? You seem to have missed the entire point.
When I was in college this situation went around my dorm. Young buck asks young doe to dinner. She accepts. It wasn’t a highfalutin place…Chili’s or something maybe, but back in those days who had any money? All goes well and perhaps the stars are aligning for these young, starry-eyed, would-be lovers. Until the bill comes. And he uses a coupon. 2-for-1.
She was incensed that he had paid for hers with a coupon. In her mind, he paid zero for her meal so she wasn’t special or whatever (of course it’s equally fair to say he paid cash for hers but used the coupon for his own). Anyway that debate raged around the dorm for at least a week.
My opinion?
She got a nice free meal (remember dorm food? Chili’s is awesome relative to that) and she should enjoy it. If he can scrape up more coupons…well, they can enjoy themselves twice as often. Most of the females sided with her; most of the guys sided with him.
I agree OP that it’s weird but how would you characterize the friendship? Close friends would surely share. Grasping at straws—they’re more acquaintances than good friends. Maybe they thought you’d be offended somehow, like they’d be treating you like a poor person and that would ruffle your proud feathers. TBH I think I’d feel scammed or set up to see them bogart it like that.
True. But the person inviting pays rule also has a practical reason for existing when you are talking about really poor people. Say Mr. A invites Mr. B and his family out to eat at McDonald’s with Mr. A’s family. Without the rule, Mr. B might have to decline the offer because although he wants to go he can’t afford to feed his family at McDonald’s - McDonald’s is expensive! Mr. A might be offended because he perceives Mr. B’s declination as an affront. Mr. B might be too ashamed of his economic situation to explain to Mr. A that he must decline because he cannot afford it.
Oh for heaven’s sake. I never meant to imply that reciprocation was the first and only basis for friendships surviving. Would you all please stop? The simple fact is that lives are busy and priority lists being what they are, having a duty to reciprocate helps move “time with friends” up the list.
I do think there is an element of “Etiquette is for snobs” in this thread. Actually, etiquette books were specifically created to help everyone feel comfortable in all levels of society. They were subversive little tomes that helped crack the upper crust. And a great many people were surprised to learn, that the worst rule to break was that of making someone else uncomfortable for any reason.