Reading Dmark’s thread here he said in 25 years he has not had a real fight with his SO. Good for him, I remember fishbicycle saying the same thing about him and his SO and them not having fights, just communicating if something went wrong. I have never seen my parents fight or yell in the 22 years I lived with them, and I am wondering if this kind of home environment is more common than I thought because it sometimes seems that a good deal of relationships involve two people subtly insulting each other and fighting alot.
Is it common for relationships that don’t have arguments, fighting and yelling to exist or are these the exceptions?
I don’t know how common they are, but my parents will have been married for 29 years next week, and I lived with them for 25 years (bad circumstances, not laziness!) and they have never yelled, never insult each other, and always talk out their problems.
I’ve only been married a year and a half, so who knows what life will be like in ten years or twenty… but so far, it seems I have married my father. My husband and I are both quiet, reasonable people (well, I have my girly emotional moments, but I acknowledge it and my husband makes no judgements and never takes anything personally). In our short time being married, we’ve already faces several large hurdles including family death, financial stress, and a few personal family issues I’d rather not make public. We have never raised our voices, we have never insulted each other. We just sit down and start communicating, listening to each other. We don’t always agree on things, but we’ve never had a real argument.
I don’t know if I can say that it’s how I was raised that helped either my argument style or my choice of a husband. My mother came from a very abusive home, with parents who cheated on each other and eventually seperated, and she has disowned her father. So maybe she took that example and decided she wanted her marriage to be the opposite of that. One of her brothers had a marriage more like her parents.
But I’ve seen some couples last forever and ever, and arguing and insulting each other seems to work for them, somehow. I used to work with one woman who used to tell us all she couldn’t wait for her husband to drop dead, to his face! Sheesh.
My parents have had only one argument in their marriage of 40+ years. At least, so far as we kids ever saw. They were renovating the kitchen, and Mom insisted that the window by the kitchen table had to be the same level at the top as the other windows, while Dad insisted that the bottom of the window had to be low enough to see out onto the farmyard while sitting at the table. After a few hours (during which we kids watched dumbfounded as our parents were actually disagreeing with each other, something we’d never witnessed) they decided to get a taller window that could meet both requirements.
I think it depends on the temperament. My SO and I have had 3, maybe 4 screaming matches in the past. They’re over now, and we don’t have them anymore…it’s been 4 years or more. We’ve been together 8.
RickQ and I have been married three years and we never fight. I might get annoyed and complain, but because he doesn’t get defensive, we end up talking about whatever the issue is and working it out. I’m perfect, so he never has anything to complain about. Ok, that may be an exaggeration. When he does have a complaint about me, I try to listen as well as he does and talk it out. We have never yelled, called each other names, not spoken for hours, etc. I don’t think we ever will, although I could be wrong. I give him all the credit, though. He has an amazing lack of defensiveness.
My wife and I will get upset and talk things out, and those conversations can be emotional, but there are never raised voices, and we’re always respectful of one another, whether or not we’re agreeing with each other. We’ve been married about 6 1/2 years now.
We never insult each other or name call or any of the other “typical” types of fighting MOs. I think you can file us under the category of not fighting.
Parents married 45 years and I’ve never known of a fight.
I’m not a ‘fighter’, don’t like confrontation - possibly because I’ve never witnessed it don’t know how the whole ‘fight and make up’ thing works. In general I’ll lose my temper once every couple of years or so, in fact I could probably tell you each time over the last 15 years - and with a friend/family member/'partner ? Nope.
Ponster and I have been together just over two years (big happy )and no fights. (I know this perplexed him at first but I think he’d just been out with too many paranoid/uptight French girls ) Maybe we’ve had nothing worth fighting over yet - although we have organised a wedding and put up IKEA furniture which are both pretty impressive feats in my book. Not that I’m very good at talking about what annoys/upsets me either, there have only been a couple of times so far and I think my emotions were somewhat hormone driven but it was a case of me tearfully sniffling about something that had upset me and his mopping up rather than a real disagreement (poor lad).
Hmmm - my parents, together for 49 (I think) years - rarely had arguments that involved yelling. Maybe 3 or 4 in the 18 years I lived at home. Mr2U and I - we have yelling matches - not highly often, but it’s not a rare occurrence. What does that say? I don’t know.
My parents (25 years in 2 weeks) had one emotional argument in the 18 years I lived with them, over where to spend Christmas. Other than that, I’ve rarely seen them disagree about anything major. They did most of their “relationship arguing” behind closed doors, but my room was right nextdoor, and they never raised their voices or spoke in disrespectful tones.
They still make out in the middle of the kitchen. Gross.
My husband and I (celebrating three years of marriage tomorrow!) have had our disagreements, but insulting each other, yelling and screaming, completely out of control and deliberately trying to hurt each other? None of that bull-poopy. I watched my parents scream and yell and fight (well, I heard it, anyway), and I really don’t want to go there.
We use humour a lot to defuse situations. It’s hard to keep up a serious argument with someone who says, “Oh yeah? Well, so’s your face.”
You kids will just have to learn to handle it. It is still one of the best parts of being married!
I have been married for 28 yrs. (approx. I would have to check with the more knowledgable of us to get the exact number. But she is watching her show.)
We sometimes get annoyed with each other, but that just means we stop chatting for a few hours. Never lasted a whole day or anything. As for raised voices or such. Can’t. She wouldn’t like it and so I wouldn’t do that. Simple rule.
Ok, that may be an exaggeration. When he does have a complaint about me, I try to listen as well as he does and talk it out. We have never yelled, called each other names, not spoken for hours, etc. I don’t think we ever will, although I could be wrong. I give him all the credit, though. He has an amazing lack of defensiveness.
) Maybe we’ve had nothing worth fighting over yet - although we have organised a wedding and put up IKEA furniture which are both pretty impressive feats in my book. Not that I’m very good at talking about what annoys/upsets me either, there have only been a couple of times so far and I think my emotions were somewhat hormone driven but it was a case of me tearfully sniffling about something that had upset me and his mopping up rather than a real disagreement (poor lad).