I cant see why you cant just use fuckwit or whatever instead of having to use language like that. But people do it all the time - paranoid, schizo etc.
I think the word might be getting old enough people are starting to forget its real origins.
Otara
I’ve always shuddered when I hear that word.
Though that’s not so much a logical argument about pejorative jargon than an unwanted flashback to memories of being bullied in grade school. They called us a lot of different names, but “retard” was their favorite. Because being in special ed meant we were subhuman retards who didn’t deserve to use the same half of the playground as they were, lest we contaminate them with our retardedness or something.
Sorry, I just got a bit carried away there. But, uh, I hate the word “retard”. Hate it in my guts. There are just some things you shouldn’t call people.
Well, it’s not an insult if you say it in French.
I know this is going to sound dumb, but I would have never guessed you were ever in special ed. Sounds dumb, because of course people can need special ed classes for all kinds of reasons, but I guess I still have a very stereotypical idea in my head of what special ed means.
Otara, you know, I never thought of ‘paranoid’ as a mental health term, ever. It just occured to me with your post that it is. I use it all the time. Now I gotta look up the official meaning.
I’m surprised no one else has pointed out that the PC term “Special Needs” has already spawned an insult. Someone does something laughably dumb, and someone else says, “Oh, John is special ha ha”.
Words DO carry meaning (obviously), but there are two sides of that. The person speaking has his meaning, and the listener gleans their own meaning. Often times, these meanings are the same, or similar. But when they are not the same, who’s to blame?
I believe that we are all responsible for ourselves. We can only fully control ourselves. I can choose to be offended by the term “retarded” or I can choose to realize that the person using the term may not have meant it in a derrogatory fashion, and not be offended.
Or I can realize that the speaker probably didn’t mean the term in a derrogatory fashion, yet STILL BE OFFENDED.
Or I can believe that the speaker meant to offend. And be offended. Or not.
Life is hard enough (even more so with people who are dealing with “special needs” children, I’m sure) without worrying about what other people think, what they may mean, what they may not mean.
In the case of the OP from the first thread, it’s obvious (to me) that he did not intend for the use of the word “retarded” to offend anyone who has or knows people with disabilities. Therefore I am not offended.
Had he used the word retarded to refer to someone with a mental handicap, I would have thought he was being ignorant and rude, but I still wouldn’t be offended.
I think some people are just too touchy.
You all make a compelling arguement. I can almost see your point. But not entirely.
My big problem is…you are setting an example for people around you. Whether you want to or not, you do. What you say and what you post influences others you may not even realize. Please consider that. The English language is rich and varied and I am sure you can find a word that better conveys your intent.
I have heard my kid called a retard to her face. I know she’s been called that and worse by other kids to her older brother. I have heard short bus jokes made in front of her…when the regular bus broke down and they sent the special school bus for my daughter because the replacement didn’t have seatbelts. (The joke was made by another Mom to her kid and her kids friends, “heyuck heyuck, here comes your bus…”)
And, yes, a Mom who cries for the hurts her own child hears or endures…who could have imagined such a thing, huh?
Tequila, is your daughter actually developmentally delayed or otherwise handicapped? Because here’s the thing: anyone who makes fun of actually disabled people to their faces is a complete asshole who will just find a new word, one that won’t hurt your daughter’s feelings any less, I’m pretty sure. I mean, would “stupid” be better?
Context is important. When I say “Move it, gimpy.” to my friend with the sprained ankle, that’s funny. If I say it to the one-legged homeless guy at the train station, that’s less funny, you know?
I had an aunt who was born to my Grandmother when she (my Grandmother) was almost 50. We were always told that my aunt was “sub-normal”. To us she was always just a large kid and we played with her as such.It would never have occurred to us that sub-normal was a bad term, although we knew of course that he said aunt was different.
I would never be able to use the term now to describe a person.
I did. 
People who mock others for limitations they have no control over are fucking assholes.
However, that doesn’t change the fact that your daughter does have limitations, and that those limitations are, I’m sure, something you wish she didn’t have. All the bright and sunny euphemisms in the world (“special needs,” “differently abled,” etc.) aren’t going to change that. So why are you so surprised that the disabilities themselves–separate from your daughter–are considered to be a negative thing?
There is a difference between mocking a *person *and mocking a disability. Somebody who calls your daughter a retard or refers to her as retarded is an asshole and should be beaten with bats. Someone who applies the term to someone who doesn’t actually have the disability in question… It’s not remotely the same thing.
Interesting story, Nzinga. It sounds like he developed a Pavlovian-conditioning type reaction to the word. Which may explain why Tequila had such an emotional reaction to seeing a word in a thread title.
Oh. Then I apologize. I thought you were trying to tell me to STFU in a “not in the Pit” way.
Maybe that’s the difference, then. I’ve never seen or heard someone shit on anybody with a disability. At least, not to their face.
Actual conversation with friend in a bar last week:
Him: “Buy me a beer!”
Me: “It’s your turn to buy me one.”
“Consider it reparations for what your people did to my people.”
“But…you’re…Indian.”
[pause]
“Shhhh.”
You might want to say THAT to his face either.
I once made the mistake of calling a black guy “brother”. He flipped out on me. Funny thing is, though, I picked it up from watching Arrested Development with my friends, with Buster always going “Heeey, brothers” to his actual, y’know, brothers.
Thanks.
I was in the ‘special’ classes for behavioral and emotional issues more than strict “learning disbilities”. I’m borderline Asperger’s, among other things; so I may know how to spell ‘floccinaucinihilipilification’ from memory, but I have trouble carrying on a conversation.
Come to think of it, I have no problem ironically using “special” about myself; I’ll joke about how we were special little children in a very special little way. Then again, the playground jerks didn’t use that word.
Tequila, I understand completely. Anyone who has not had to live with and witness the sort of abusive shit that the mentally retarded have to has the luxury of hand-waving away “hypersensitivity.” It’s not hypersensitivity. And “don’t be so touchy” is a diificult lesson to convey to someone with the challenges someone like my brother Bill has. It is heartbreaking, and I simply cannot fathom how this isn’t obvious. I posted this in another thread, and I’m pasting it because I don’t have the energy to type this again, for the umpteenth time.
These attitudes don’t develop in a vacuum. There is a connection with how my brother is treated and the general acceptance of terms like “retard.” But nobody gives a shit because it’s a group of people who are by and large powerless. “Well, those people, the ones who would directly insult your brother, they’re real assholes. Not me, though. I simply use him and people like him as a frame of reference for ridicule.” Oh, that’s okay then. It’s mind-boggling to me. God almighty, just use a different word.
Why do you get to speak for everybody with a mental disability? For every person who knows or cares for someone who’s developmentally disabled who hates the word “retard,” there’s one who knows or cares for someone who’s developmentally disabled who doesn’t have a problem with the word. (Outside the obvious case of using it to mock someone who actually has a disability.)
And why does using one word magically change everything? What does it matter if the word is retarded, or stupid, or moronic, or idiotic? They all mean the same thing: that something or someone is behaving in the manner of a person with below-normal cognitive functions. Period. Full stop. Until sub-average cognitive function becomes a desirable characteristic, the words used to describe it will always be used in a pejorative way.
Quite right. My brother is in the Asperger spectrum. I see him at least once a week and I don’t have a problem with “retard”. His condition worsens his life: he has very little empathy or intuitive social sense. At twenty-three he has never had any close friends and has had very few acquaintances. Granted, like many in the Asperger spectrum, his raw information-processing abilities are actually better than normal; his memory and logical reasoning abilities are strong. But it’s nevertheless true that he is mentally disabled and that it has a serious negative impact on his life.
This is where it pays to distinguish between mental retardation/cognitive impairment and the general pantheon of mental disabilities. Technically, my brother’s autistic impairment is a mental disability, whereas it is not technically a cognitive impairment, because it impacts his empathy but not his thinking ability. And he’s certainly not mentally retarded: he scored higher than I did on the SAT. “retard” is used in the vernacular to refer to those with reduced thinking ability, but not those with other disabilities. I’ve never heard somebody with low empathy called “retard” because of their deficiency in that particular mental sphere.
I’m not. I’m speaking for those who find the word hurtful, which is obvious. But we still need to find some tortuous way to justify this–“hey, not everybody who loves a mentally retarded person cares. So it’s okay then.” Yeah, right.
“Retarded” is the opposite of “advanced”. It’s a perfectly good word unless you’re using it as an insult. In the spirit of being sensitive to mentally-retarded people and their families, one should probably be very careful in using the word (when my engine was knocking from using low-octane gas, I retarded the timing a couple of degrees to get it to stop), just like you’re careful about using the word “fat” around obese people, “bald” around those with no hair, etc.
“Mentally Challenged” is also used as a synonym for stupid. I’ve heard kids say that about other kids as a put-down (probably because they were reprimanded for calling them “retards”).
Any word that is used as a diagnosis for mental retardation is going to eventually be used by kids as a synonym for stupid. This includes obsolete medical terms such as “idiot”, “imbecile” and “moron”.
I will. I’ll refutiate you…just wait and see.
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I used “retarded” and “gay” quite a lot…in middle school. Both thankfully slipped out of my vocabulary (in that context) when middle school was done.
I just try not to call anyone or anything retarded when it doesn’t matter because I don’t want to let it slip when it does (same with aforementioned juvenile use of “gay”).