Was wondering a hypothetical: I’m a notoriously selfish bastard, and make a conscious effort to be so. I was thinking of situations in which I’d do actions usually against my own moral code (give to charity, etc). Was thinking: under what scenarios would my odds at avoiding unnecessary work, surviving, and keeping safe be improved by me joining a branch of the armed forces?
How are you at fighting? - if you are very good, then your contribution might make the difference between your country being successfully invaded or not; if invasion was successful, then you could be inconvenienced somewhat.
For one thing, if you joined the military, it would forestall the possibility of later conscription. To illustrate, a co-worker of mine joined the Navy voluntarily during the Vietnam era. He ended up sitting around Guantanimo Bay for a couple years, drinking every day. Kinda lame, but the alternative was to be drafted and potentially end up as an infantryman in Vietnam.
Another scenario might occur in impovershed, chaotic third-world countries, where military forces routinely massacre civilians and destroy their food supplies. Depending on the severity of the situation, you might be safer and better fed as a soldier.
BTW, that didn’t come out quite right. I’m not trying to say that the above-described massacres are routine in third-world countries. Just describing a possible scenario.
I don’t know about today’s professional military. However, during WWII in the Army, if you were politically astute enough to make the right friends, getting a cushy and perfectly safe job wasn’t all that hard. After all, just by chance your had a better than 6 to one chance of not going into combat. If you carefully pick your MOS (military occupation specialty) and your connections you could do much better than that.
Just a tip, don’t volunteer to be an Aviation Cadet unless the war will be shorter than your training time.
As a generality, you would not be helping yourself by joining the military during a war. In order to be true to creed of selfishness, I suggest that you
– Never give money to charity
– Never help to prosecute a criminal
– Cheat on your income tax
– Cheat insurance companies.
– Cheat on your spouse.
– Steal, whenever you can get away with it.
– Take advantage of the weak whenever you can.
– Promote race hatred abd bigotry for your personal benefit
Oh my God! I just described Jesse Jackson! :smack:
And how’s that working out for you? Making a lot of friends and influencing people? Anyhow, it’s your business how you lead your life so here are some selfish reasons to join the military:
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Learn something you couldn’t learn in civilian life. Most of us won’t ever have a chance to fly a fighter or helicopter, drive a tank, fire a missle, or blow up a bridge.
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Earn money for college.
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Learn to kick ass.
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Add a little adventure to your life. I assume being a selfish bastard doesn’t make you immune from getting board.
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You might like it. Crazy as it sounds, I know guys who are super gung-ho about the military.
One other thing. Being a ‘selfish bastard’ is not the same thing as being lazy or cowardly. There are plenty of selfish bastards out there who bust their asses or take crazy risks in pursuit of their own personal ‘selfish bastard’ goals. So if your objective is to avoid work and personal risk altogether, these tips obviously won’t apply to you.
– Never give money to charity
Check! Never have, and never will, unless I’m about to die and thus have no need for money.
– Never help to prosecute a criminal
Depends. Jury duty, not if I can get out of it. Reporting a crime, yes, because it makes a friend for little cost, and decreases the odds that a crime will happen to me.
– Cheat on your income tax
Right. I don’t steal, because I am economically well off enough to live nicely. Stealing risks this.
– Cheat insurance companies.
See above.
– Cheat on your spouse.
Huh? If I’m married, that means that someone cares enough about me to want to live with me, nominally for life. How would pissing them off help me?
– Steal, whenever you can get away with it.
See above.
– Take advantage of the weak whenever you can.
Check!
– Promote race hatred abd bigotry for your personal benefit
Hmm. Not sure how this would help me, as I’m a white male heterosexual from an middle-middle-upper class family with both parents, but if the government wanted to give me ‘reparations’, truth be damned. I want money.
Oh, wait, this was a Jesse Jackson rant. Nevermind.
It’s just occurred to me; why are we bothering to help you?
