When we met 10 years ago we both smoked. I quit 2 years ago. I used to smoke in the house, but now I find cigarette smoke absolutely repulsive.
She feels that it is unfair for me to ask her to step outside when she smokes. I don’t necessarily disagree with her, but I’m tired of filling up the wastebasket with snot rags.
What say ye?
It is absolutely fair to ask her. Nothing kills a relationship more than not communicating. Of course, she is free to refuse, but if it bothers you she needs to know.
I smoked for a few more years than my partner did. She made me go outside to have my fags. She was absolutely right to do so and I didn’t mind (much). It also helped me to give up.
She absolutely needs to take it outside. Good for you for quitting even though she didn’t. I am so impressed! I never could’ve quit if my husband hadn’t quit, as well. It’s not fair to you. You should be able to reap the rewards of quitting: NO smoke in your lungs, no foul-smelling clothes, hair or home! She is being amazingly selfish and you can tell her I said so!
Yes.
I’m of the opinion that if you knew she was a smoker when you started this venture then you should just deal with it.
Just because you made a lifestyle change doesn’t mean she should have to.
Maybe a compromise is in order. Like keep it limited to a certain room?
No, it’s not fair. You’re the one who changed the status quo, not your wife.
I quit smoking while I was living with my last boyfriend and I asked him to stop smoking in the house. He refused. I kicked him out. That wasn’t fair either but I was a lot happier.
(yeah, there were other reasons for kicking him out too.)
You can have a discussion with her but I wouldn’t do any insisting. Your desires have changed so you should be free to express them, that doesn’t mean you get your way of course.
This, as a smoker, I disagree with. It is totally fair to ask her to not smoke in the house. It’s all about how you ask.
This on the other hand, I think is a totally reasonable compromise. Have you talked to her at all about it? I am generally more concious about smoking around ex-smokers than I am around never-been-a-smokers since ex-smokers are more prone to be sensitive to the smoke in a number of ways.
Talk to her, I think you will find that she won’t fight you all that much. Stay away from ultimatums and absolutes, and talk about the situation.
That’s good Shakes…I’ll think on that…maybe that will work with her…
It would be unfair for you to insist she quit smoking.
I think it’s reasonable to ask her to accomodate a health and comfort issue. My suggestion would be to designate some area(s) for indoor smoking. For example, at our house, those are the screen porch (nice weather only), the unheated garage (if it’s not too cold out), and the utility side of the basement. Forgoing smoking at the dinner table is less of an imposition than having to go outside for every smoke.
As a current smoker who doesn’t smoke inside my house, I think it is completely reasonable to ask her to smoke in the garage or outside. Three years of apartment living after my divorce and seeing the yellow walls and stench convinced me to not do that to my shiny new house.
It does suck in the winter smoking in the garage but it is worth not seeing the nicotine stained walls any more.
Came in here to say ‘Yes’ but then I saw that, previously, you both smoked indoors (I know smokers who live alone but still only smoke outside so their things smell less and they don’t bother visitors). Asking her to keep it in one room or not light up in front of you seems reasonable, though.
Yes, end of story!
RE: letting her smoke in one room in the house. You’re fooling yourselves if you think that the smoke smell will stay in that one room. When we smoked in the apartment, I always kept the bedroom door closed and I kept all of my clothes in a closet in the corner of the bedroom. The closet door was always closed, too. To this day, if I go into that closet and pick up an article of clothing that I haven’t worn since February, it smells like smoke. These are clothes that had two doors and a large non-smoking room between them and they still smelled like smoke. Just my two cents.
I love Hazle…thank you 
I wonder if one of those smokeless ashtrays would be a reasonable compromise. They’re supposed to suck the smoke down into a chamber with a charcoal filter. I’ve never tried one. Anyone know if they work? I only smoke in the basement, but I’ll smoke upstairs if we have guests who smoke. Yeah, my house probably stinks.
I think it’s reasonable to ask her not to light up at the supper table, or right next to you when you’re watching TV, or in the bedroom or bathroom – definitely not in the bedroom or bathroom. That’s simple courtesy to non-smokers.
Yes, it’s reasonable. I make my 84 year old dad smoke outside. He has a litle smoking area in the garage, and a heater for the winter. He’s ok with it.
I think she probably doesn’t know how desensitized she’s become to the smell and ick factor.
She can quit smoking; you can’t quit breathing. Tell her to take that shit outside.
Have to disagree with you. They both previously smoked in the house, he decided to quit. He doesn’t get to unilaterally change the rules for both of them. Ask is one thing, tell is entirely different.