Is it morally wrong to think of a friends spouse/significant other naked?

Or you should have looked at his wife, half-smiled, licked your lips, and winked before saying, “No, but I will now.”

But real people are infinitely more interesting, sexually, too, than the achingly fake and emotionally void porn. I have near-zero interest to have sex (even in my imagination) with people who I know nothing about, apart from shapes and sizes. Only good guys turn me on and get to have me, and for all I know, that porn actress is a horrible person with values and attitudes ugly as sin.

No idea how common it is (though the posts I was responding to suggested that it’s fairly common).

But as I see it, it’s part of a general category of “erotic (or potentially erotic) thoughts about people who are completely off limits”, which a lot of people wisely refrain from.

Any married person who would have sex with me is a horrible person and a bad guy.

(And I have extreme doubts about their taste as well.)

Aside: I’m the second-youngest member of my D&D group. The youngest is the daughter of two of the other members. Once, in the pre-game conversation, it came up that most of the group had known each other since youngestmember was in diapers. She said “Yeah, Chronos is the only one here who’s never seen me naked!”.

I very quickly ran through the possibilities, and conclusively determined that there was no possible thing I could say in response to that that would be better than keeping my mouth shut.

Not me.

I would guess it’s more common for guys. But I’ve sometimes wondered what a guy looks like without a shirt.

Of course, I’ve just as often imagined what that person across the conference table would look like with a big fluffy tail. Or mentally added a mohawk.

Well, in my experience, situations change, relationships end and start, but pools of friends (the jokes write themselves) are pretty stable, so one is way more likely to end up having sex with someone they know than unknowns, without infidelity involved.

P.S. I know and appreciate begbert2 replying to me downthread. But I can’t quote multiple messages in the same thread by one person, for some reason.

Your white square is still a color for me, barely standing out on the #f8f8f8 background (white is #fffff).

It makes me wonder if you could put in a fully transparent avatar, or if that fails, have a single pixel of very slightly not transparent.

My life regarding relationships is pretty absurdly stable and always has been. I’ve also managed to avoid any sitcom love triangles and the like.

Having just reviewed the OP, I want to draw a distinction between “thinking about” and “imagining”. I can say with a pretty high level of confidence that I haven’t imagined most people naked, just because my brain doesn’t like trying to fill in the blanks about reality like that. I might wonder about it, but my brain doesn’t presume to paint a picture of it that might not match reality. It’s not the same a picturing them with a tail or a mohawk; that’s a deliberate fictional fantasy. But the majority of people actually do have a body under their clothes, and I will no more invent facts about their physique than I will spontaneously decide that they have specific food allergies. My brain will actively avoid guessing about stuff like this - if you asked me to picture you naked, I would picture you with all the unknown bits blurred out or, more accurately, as voids that were not filled in the first place.

Of course, that’s picturing somebody naked. Thinking about somebody naked is a much lower bar to clear. “Hmm, Toxylon probably bathes every now and then. They probably don’t do it clothed, so they probably get naked now and then.” There. I’ve thought about you being naked, without picturing you being naked.

I just wanted to comment and clean up any possible miscommunication based on my earlier post. The question the OP had to answer was “Have you ever thought of someone’s in the room’s spouse naked?” [[ emphasis mine ]]. I indicated that in such a situation I would have answered yes, and that I felt it was common to fellow males in my experience (Mrs. Lines indicates she has had similar situations in the past, although interesting less frequently with people in person, compared to an actor on the screen).
The point is that it’s usually a one-time idle thought, or if something (like the asking the damn question itself) brings it too mind. I can’t think of (with the possible exception I just mentioned) a time where I’ve had the thought repeat outside of the 13-19 age bracket where I feel safe in ascribing it a biological near imperative that I feel comfortable leaving far behind me.
So for any concerned dopers out there that are afraid that adult males spend all their time undressing you, and therefore (and legitimately!) feel objectified, threatened, and grossed out… It probably happens more than we want to admit, but for most of us it’s more about curiosity and lingering testosterone poisoning. On behalf of the (grosser?) sex, I apologize for it, and wanted to point out that when we’ve been talking about the “moral” significance of the thought, we had in NO way addressed the morality of how this would feel to many women (I guess the same could apply to men as well) especially those who have been the subject of unwelcomed sexual advances in the past.
And that leaves out the point that I made in my original post, where if it isn’t a matter of passing curiosity, where you are repeatedly thinking about it, that you’ve moved into dangerous moral territory, and worse if you’re letting your thoughts show through unto the source of your fantasy.

ETA: When I started, @BigT 3 posts above was the last. Some folks slipped my points in just above while I was dithering. Carrying on with my post as it originally was …

@BigT: We’ve had a couple discussions about the tech of avatars in the appropriate forums categories. I’d bet you can use any content whatsoever that can be expressed in the image formats Discourse recognizes as long as the size is right enough.

As to the OP, I’m real late to this party:

The problem was guaranteed to arise once the blue-nosed hosts chose to play a not-compatible-with-bluenoses game. Morons.

As they say in the legal biz about working in court: “Never ask a question you don’t know the answer to.” That also applies to at least some social situations.

IMO an even better rubric for social situations is “Never ask a question unless you can stand all the possible answers.”

That was probably the best 100 seconds of TV in years. And without your endorsement (and @Little_Nemo’s posting it) I’d have missed it. Thank you both!

Not OCD but completely agree w your conclusion.


In the fully feral male state to notice a female is to instantly evaluate them as a sex partner. The only question is how much any given male is still feral vs tame.

Not sure I agree with this. It depends on the nature of the game.

If the people who got offended thought up the question themselves, then of course you’re right. But I would guess they were playing some sort of commercial game with all sorts of preprinted questions of which this was one. So that they didn’t choose to ask that question, but just happened to draw that card.

Maybe a better example would be wondering or imagining what a bearded man would look like clean-shaven. Like imagining someone naked, it’s something one might do out of curiosity or idle speculation. Unlike imagining someone naked, it’s not something one might do out of sexual desire or prurient interest.

I wouldn’t (almost couldn’t) do that either, but that’s just me.

ETA: Though it would depend somewhat on the beard. If the ‘beard’ is just a soul patch, that doesn’t leave much to the imagination. I’ve never seen a friend’s spouse or anyone who became a friend’s spouse in attire that leaves little to doubt, though.

If anything, most people I know would be more offended if you didn’t.

Living at a beach one has a different experience of the bodies of one’s friends, acquaintances, and neighbors. Very little is left to anyone’s imagination. Be that for good or for ill.

If you play these types of games, you know what you are getting into.

I think that would only work if they were surprised that such a card was in the game. I envisioned one of those games that is intentionally somewhat raunchy, and that the people involved knew what they were getting into. I also tended to picture you having a set of cards that you could pick to play to make the other person answer or similar.

If, on the other hand, it’s the first time they’d ever played it, and this is not similar to the other questions that had been asked in the game, I could see your point. Especially if @Asuka was the one to draw the card, or the question was read by someone else other than the friends who took offense.

It also would only make any sense to me if the friend (and possibly his wife) were the only married people in the room (not counting the OP and any spouse). It would be even odder to get offended like that if there were other people the OP could have been talking about.

Your overarching point is good, however. It would depend on the nature of the game and what they knew about it.

Agree in general… But as @BigT almost said, your comment is better rendered as:

If you play these types of games, you ought to know what you are getting into.