Straight Dope Advice

I find myself in a strange situation. I have been reading this board forever but this is the first time I have felt a need for advice. A little back ground first. I am a male, in my mid-twenties and have been happily married for almost 2 years. I have a friend who I have been good friends with for the past 15 years. I have never had nor desired a relationship with her. This past weekend she was very excited to tell me that she went skinny dipping for the first time with a few people she met at a party. She said that it was very cool, and that she wants to try doing it again. She described the whole thing to me in detail. Since that time I have not been able to get her out of my mind! I have done nothing for the past 3 days but think about her being naked! I went 15 years without so much as a longfull thought, and now all I can think about is what it would be like to see her naked. I am very very happy in my marriage and don’t want to do anything with this girl, I really wouldn’t. But I can’t get her beautiful, soft, naked body out of my head! Just thinking about her is making me…um, well you know. So any advice? I don’t want to lose a friend cause my brain just switched into high gear. Help me dopers you’re my only hope

Not to make light of the situation, but things could be worse:

Hey, I can see how that can royally suck, but I’ll tell you what you should do. You dont have to follow it, but its the right thing to do for everybody. When you married your wife, you quoted those words “till death do we part”. Obviously, your wife is alive and well. Now why go against a sacred law for a relationship your not even sure will work out? Its not worth it. not at all. But, I hate to be the sourpuss, but you did kind of get yourself into the situation. You let your friend keep on talking about an experence that really shouldnt be shared. At least not in detail. If you dont want to have those wrong thoughts, spend some time away from your friend, or atleast control the conversations. Good luck!

Think whatever you want. It’s what you do that’s important.

You can fantasize about your friend to your heart’s content. That’s all it is; fantasies. Enjoy your imagination.

But at the end of the day, if you still want to come home to your wife, and all that you’ve built together, then keep your promise to her. Stay faithful.

Believe me, a roll in the hay with a sexy human is fun, but it’s nothing compared to the joy of a good long-term relationship.

Just my opinion.

How does your wife feel about threesomes? :smiley:

The thought is more fun than the reality. Cherish the thought and remind yourself of it when you need to be cheered up, but don’t act on it. You’ll find that regrets for what you didn’t do hurt less in the long run than regrets for what you did.

You can fix her up with some friend of yours who you like and respect. You will get further impetus not to act on your impulses AND you make both of them happy. It’s a win-win-win.

doesnt matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.

Hey man, this surely won’t be the last time you’ll have some pretty serious thoughts about another woman. So make the choice: do you want to be a filanderer and bounce from lady to lady as your heart seems it fit, or do you want to accept that you may reach that same point of uncertainty with the next woman and that it might be wise to spare yourself the grief.

Short time grief, long time relief.

I’m sorry but there are some really moronic things said there. Even if you dont choose to follow the bible as a religion, it does have some pretty good philosophys in it. It says adultry is a sin, and it says also (If you really would want it, I could get book chapter and verse, but I trust you’ll believe me) to abstain from the presence of evil. The more you fantasize it, the more your going to draw away from your wife, and the easier it will be to break it off. I promice this that those people who say its ok to fantasize about other women while married, probobly wont keep a very long relationship. and if they do, congratulations to you, but your in the minority. and I promice them that if they haddnt dont that fantasizing about other women, the quality of their marrage would be twice as good, and last twice as long than if they just ignored it.

Ummm, Caesar, everyone fantasizes about someone other than their SO sometimes. It’s called human nature. I’m sure my grandfather, who has been married to my grandmother for 56 years, has fantasized about other women.

My father, who has been married to my mother for 27 years, has probably also fantasized about other women.

Have they committed adultery? Um, no.

Twenty five years here. Kept it in my pants when out of the house.

Regardless of how innocent or “just plain fun” she is characterizing her nude romp in the swimming hole any woman with two IQ points to rub together is going to understand that this scene presents a highly erotic and/or potentially sexualized situation for many men who already have hair triggers of arousal for this kind of thing to begin with. The fact that she is “sharing” this with you is flattering on one hand but disturbing on another in that most women (even if friends) understand that they should not be titillating males (friends or otherwise) with these kinds of stories unless there is some end game in mind.

Think of your wife sharing a private “naughty” little adventure with a male friend of hers. How would he react? How would you feel? This kind of stuff is one of the reasons it’s difficult for men and women to be “just friends”. Men and women have different reactions and expectations in these senarios and don’t think for second your “friend” is not playing a subtle, sexual power game of her own. Another adult woman would understand this in an instant.

[sub]They are all so busy giving moralistic advice, that you didn’t hear you. Sssssssssssssh![/sub]

Wow. It took two whole years before you started thinking about other women naked? And it took a detailed lurid story to get you going? Wow.

Your wife must be one hot potato. Or you have a tiny imagination.

The only thing you can do now is come clean with your wife. “Honey, I’ve been thinking of naked women other than you.” Yup, that’s the only thing. Your wife will respect you for your honesty, and it will strengthen your realtionship.

HA! Just kidding. Just keep your dirty little fantasies between your ears, Bub.

and not between your legs . . . . .

Yeah…kniz, you have a point…


When you marry someone (in our current moral paradigm), you agree to NOT have sex with others. That is the deal. If you can’t agree to that, then DON’T GET MARRIED!

If you want to change the marriage vows to something that allows the marriage partners to bed whoever they wish whenever they wish, then you are creating an entirely NEW morality (Not that that is a BAD thing, but admit that it IS different and unusual!), and be ready to debate such!

I’m all for threesomes that involve Astrogirl, me, and a sexy female friend of hers! However, if it was me, AG, and a MALE friend, I’d be WAY against it!

OR, if AG were to just go out and have sex with an anonymous guy, I’d be peeved (to say the least)!

So, who do I want to have sex with? Astrogirl, and 90% of the rest of the females on this planet…

Who do I HAVE sex with? Astrogirl. That’s it. Period.

Am I attracted to other women? Yup.

Does AG KNOW that I am attracted to other women? YUP.

But she knows she can trust me, and I know I can trust her… and that’s part of what makes our relationship more than great.

If you are seriously thinking about having sex with someone other than your SO (and no blame to you if you are! maybe you are not happy in your relationship…), TELL him/her, and break up! It will be WAY easier that way… trust me!

So she went swimming without her clothes on. It’s the best way to go swimming, you know. But what exactly did she describe in detail, her backstroke? I’m sure she didn’t start talking about every contour of her body.

Otherwise, I agree with those who say: fantasies are fine and normal, so just get over it!

Sorry about being an absentee poster but I have been in meetings for the past day or so.

First thanks to everyone for their advise I really appreciate everyone’s open and honest opinion Now to clear up a few misconceptions.

  1. I have not, will not, shall not, hell even not not, cheat on my wife. That is not even an option. Honestly in truly I don’t even want to. I just want to see this lovely girl naked.

  2. Fantasizing about other women. Been their done that, it’s called K through 12. It’s not so much the fantasizing part it’s the part that she’s my best friend.

  3. We have been sharing sexual secrets since… well since there have been secrets to share. I have never had these kinds of thoughts before.

  4. My real problem is two fold. One I can’t seem to get the image of her naked out of my head. Two I know that if I tell her about this she’ll laugh at me then just, show me what I want to see. (She is not a very modest person, not even a little.) And I don’t want to be in that situation. I know that nothing would happen between us, I just think that looking at your beautiful friend naked somehow goes against my vows.

I spared you guys the real story and just said that it was skinny-dipping. The rest reads like something out of penthouse letters. I should have said that it “started” with skinny-dipping. If any of you guys know how to get a super attractive women’s naked body out of your head , knowing full well if you just ask you can see it. Please let me know. Damn its times like these I wish I were gay.
(No offence to any gay people in the audience. I just wouldn’t have to think about her like that)

Thanks again for the advice.

Just squint, plug your ears, and imagine…


That should cure what’s ailin’ ya.

  1. Talk to your wife about skinny dipping. Maybe she’s interested. You can even mention your friend told you she went.

  2. If your wife is interested enough, see if your friend will invite the two of you along.

  3. Worst that happens is that your wife will become offended if things go beyond skinny dipping and demand to be taken home. You, of course, should be equally offended and take her. However, by then, you’ve seen your friend naked and wet. Best that happens is that your wife drags you off in the bushes for some late night entertainment.
    Have fun. But if you’re agonizing about it. Don’t