In mid-October we got a kitten that was born in August.
She likes to sit on our lap when we are on the couch, but when we try to pet her, no matter how lightly, she reacts negatively, she tries to avoid it and sometimes just leaves our lap.
Is this normal for kittens? Do they get over it when they grow up and start to like being petted, or did we just end up with an “anti-petting” cat that will be like this forever?
I have seen a good many anti-petting cats*, they only want to be petted when THEY feel like it and never when you do. You may be stuck with her.
Other Dopers may tell you ways of curing this.
*'S why I don’t like cats. Dogs *always *want to be petted. True, birds not so much, but they’re a whole different ballgame anyway.
Certainly there are degrees of desire for affection (my neighbor’s cat seems to have no limits on the amount of affection she needs; it’s always more than I can give), but a cat that doesn’t want ANY seems unusual.
Is there any chance there is a medical reason for this? Ear mites might make her dislike having her head touched, or some injury covered up with fur that hurts. Does a vet have any suggestions?
This probably isn’t your case, but I knew a cat who intensely disliked touching on the stomach. Turns out her previous owner had her spayed and the stitches were never removed. Must have been pretty annoying and she had no way to tell anyone why.
Your first issue is thinking that anything a cat does is “normal” :).
Having had more cats than we can recall over the years, and from all my friends’ cats I know, I’d say this trait is in the minority, but there are many cats like this. They like to be where you are, will stay close, and may even jump in your lap, but they just don’t like to be petted for some reason. I never read why this is. Maybe their fur is sensitive. 
We now have two cats like that. They don’t even like to be picked up, but will rub against our legs, doing figure 8s, and always want to be near where we are. Oddly, the only part of their bodies they don’t seem to mind being petted is their tails! Just the opposite of many cats.
The one thing about cats you can depend upon is that you’ll never really understand them. Take them for what they are and enjoy.
question - where did you get the kitty? Is it possible she’d been abused dduring her first weeks? that is, pet too roughly? or perhaps each time a hand came near her it was to hit her or to pick her up and place her in a box or carrier
try this - next time she jumps up hold your hand loosely in front of her but not too close. SLOWLY move it closer to her each time she’s there (not all in one sitting) - It may be that she needs to get used to the idea of a human hand touching her, while your lap is just this nice soft thing she can sleep on
It’s not abnormal behaviour for a cat I don’t think. Animal behaviourists used to believe that wild cats (big cats, etc) didn’t have social connections, until it dawned on them that for cats, social interactions don’t necessarily depend on physical proximity. Where dogs might curl up together, or your dog might sleep with his head on your foot, a couple of cats in the same room may be enjoying the company without actually being in physical contact.
Because humans are so hard wired to use our hands, it’s almost impossible for us to imagine not wanting to be touched, we’re like monkeys grooming each other, it’s almost a physical imperative for us.
Your cat might just be one who enjoys the company without necessarily enjoying the physical interaction, or she might be very sensitive to touch. Some cats find the stimulation of being stroked unpleasant.
But just because she doesn’t enjoy being stroked now, doesn’t mean she won’t ever enjoy it. One of the things about cats which bemuse me completely is how a cat will be willing to change a persistent, lifelong habit, from one moment to the next. So right now you might have a cat who doesn’t enjoy being petted, in a year you could easily have a cat who demands the attention.
She obviously enjoys your company, she’s just enjoying it in a more “cat like” manner than many other domestic cats.
We have a cat that turned three over the summer who only began tolerating being petted in the last couple of months. (Her brothers and mother have always enjoyed being petted.) On the other hand, she has always liked having her ears and jaw scratched; she just did not like being stroked.
I had a cat that behaved much like the one described in the OP for basically all her life. She finally decided to take at least some petting from me but she never really cared for being held. She was really affectionate and everything–would follow me around the house, curl up on a chair next to me, try to dig under the door to get into a room I was in, and so on–but she never really liked being petted or held. The petting was purely on her terms. I blame it on where we got her from as a kitten–a small trailer full of kids on either the West Side or the South Valley (don’t remember which now) and that she was also the last to be adopted, partially because she was the runt.
Must we issue a reminder every time a kitten thread is posted? Pictures, people, pictures! We must see the kitten to properly diagnose its aversion to the strokes and skritches.
…Well, no, I guess we don’t, really, but we do want to see it. Right?
Isn’t the kitten still of the age at which it is your job to make it like petting?
Au contraire…
You just have to know how to “pet” them and when not to. They, at least parakeets and cockatiels, LOVE to get their chins and necks scratched just so. They also like to be held close to your neck and chest if they get chilly.
I’m a brand new cat mom myself, my kitten is about 4 months old now. When we (my sister and I each got a kitten from the same litter), first got our kittens, they didn’t act like they liked to be petted at all.
Some of the other dopers, and a cat book I got said that cats can very quickly feel over stimulated and that’s why they’ll scratch or bite when they’ve had enough.
Someone in here (and THANK YOU, wish I could remember which doper), said that cats will learn to be as affectionate as you teach them to be. I gradually and gently persisted with my kitten.
I would just use one finger and gently rub under her chin, and around her head and neck. I’d add an occasional full body pet. I got her when she was 6 weeks old (and no I didn’t know until I already had her and bought a cat book that they should ideally be about 10 weeks old to leave the litter), she’s now a VERY cuddly and affectionate kitten.
Hope that helps.
Has your kitty been seen by a vet? It may have fleas or some other skin irritation.
That said, I have a three year old “kitten” who was born in this house, never been handles roughly or harmed in any way. (well, the kitty decipline water sprayer, but she thinks Og does that) She has never allowed my husband to touch her. She will allow me to rock her and pet her very occasionally, she doesn’t like to be held except in the rocking chair 
Cats are strange, and the nice thing is, if you happen to forget that, they’ll remind you soon enough. 
**Tom, **did you ever get a bird? Or just chickens, still?
I can’t answer the OP, but to anybody reading the thread who might be considering adopting a kitty…
The best way is to go to the animal shelter (surely there is one local to you with a dozen six-week kittens) and pick the most affectionate one.
I found a kitty who purred at 171 decibels.
Absolutely - with our cat (who is a real bitch of a cat, I’ll tell you that much) we engaged in what we referred to as “the gentling process.”
This “gentling process” consists of getting the cat whenever possible and petting and stroking it. The trick is to hold it in your arms, not let it get away, and engage in heavy petting (sounds like a recipe for a prom disaster). After you’ve lost an eye and had several skin grafts - you may find that your kitty (like ours) has become much more affable to petting and “gentler.”
Good luck.
Or prom success … YMMV.
Oh, I know. I love birds and have had all kinds…just some don’t like to be petted, one bit. My whitecap pionus hated being petted or scratched, but loved to sit near me and just look at me.
My cat Buzz used to not like attention. He hated being touched, and when we would get near him he’d take off like someone was going to try and take his life, it was the most irritating thing ever. We gave him his space long enough, and now he can’t get enough belly rubs or lap time. He’s a big softy.
Your kitten probably needs time to herself. It could take months for her to come around, but rest assured, every cat grows to love and appreciate attention from their human. I’ve gone through nearly 10 cats in my life time. Some start off untrusting or unaware that petting is a good thing, but they always warm up to you and show love back. I think it took Buzz nearly a year to come around to us, but it was well worth the wait. Kitties just need patience