Back when I was 25, and a postgraduate student, I started dating a young woman who was aged 20 and an undergraduate student. Now, nearly 40 years later, I’m married to her. I’m not sure that I see any serious problems with 25 year olds and 20 year olds dating each other, but I may be biased here.
When I was in my mid-thirties, I dated a woman who was about 24 or so–she was about 12 years younger, give or take a couple years on either side.
It was one of the worst dates, if not the worst date of my life; there just wasn’t enough commonality of shared experience there to make her interesting to me or vice versa. IIRC, after we’d had appetizers I went to the men’s room, and when I came back, she claimed to have had an emergency cell phone call, and needed to leave immediately. To this day, I am convinced she made that up as a pretext to get the hell out of the date, and frankly, I never held that against her; I’m glad she did it before I’d wasted any more time/money on her.
Later, I’d often add a qualifier to my internet dating ads to the effect, “If you can’t remember what band Paul McCartney was in before he was in ‘Wings’, I’m not interested.” That actually got me a few responses from women my age (and a tad older).
Cheers,
bcg
I’d argue that it’s probably not the greatest idea to date someone in undergrad. It can work, but there’s so much changing and growth that goes on. My ex-husband, I met at 19, married at 21. (He was 24 when we met). This didn’t really go well; there’s so much changing that goes on in those early years. There’s even a gulf of difference between 19 and 21; honestly, if I’d met him at 21, I probably wouldn’t have gotten with him.
Then again, my personal spread’s gone from three years younger to nineteen years older, so I might be. . .you know, statistically skewed. Or skewered, whichever.
It’s not so much the college thing that’s difficult; that can be worked around, though the schedule thing can be annoying. It’s that people that young are often figuring out who they are. And not in the same way that an older person is; they’re exploring and developing their norms for relationships and personal beliefs. The person you’re with at the beginning is likely to change, and quickly.
Additionally, as an older individual, you’re going to have a fair amount of influence over that change. Such influence needs to be used responsibly. I really, really like the campsite rule referenced earlier.
I was 36 at the time and she was 22.
One of my best friends is eight years younger than me. His girlfriend is four years younger than him. She has a friend who is a couple of years younger.
So, it came to be that we were all at a party one night and my friend’s girlfriend was all, “She likes you! You should ask her out! You two should get together!” My response was, “She’s too young. We have nothing in common.”
Well, several gin and tonics later it turned out that we indeed had something in common after all. VERY in common. Consenting adults and all, ya know?
She really was a great person and for about five minutes the next morning I was thinking Hmmmm, I wonder… And then her mother called on her cell phone. It turned out that her mother would not, in fact, be accompanying her to buy school supplies. SCHOOL SUPPLIES. The girl was so upset. She really wanted her mom to help her buy the stuff. They argued for about five minutes and then the girl hung up in a rage and started to cry a little. I looked over at my friend’s girlfriend with a See? expression on my face which she acknowledged with a slight, comprehending nod.
That doesn’t quite work for me, probably because I’m not a guy. I could picture dating a guy who is eight years older, but one who’s only going on 24? Really unlikely even though I like younger guys; my idea of “younger” starts at 26 or 27 at the youngest, though.
When I was 25, I would not have dated a 20-year-old, because…well, I know dopers are an exceptional bunch, but do you remember average guys who are 20?
Could be worse. Could have been, like, a New Kids on the Block Trapper Keeper, instead of pencils and notebooks and a graphing calculator.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present “Exhibit A”, this “Hello Kitty” blueberry-scented binder, and “Exhibit B”, this snow globe glitter pen that also serves as a Pez dispenser.
Nah, I’m just kidding. I don’t know what she bought.
The thing about age is that the older you get the less it matters. I think it’s a big deal for a 20 year old to date a 15 year old but a 25 year old dating a 20 year old doesn’t raise any flags with me.