“They say you’re never supposed to strike a child in anger. Well, when ARE you supposed to hit them?”
Given that this is The Straight Dope, I’m happy to see that any responses referenced research on the subject. I think it’s one of many ways to instill discipline, but if you’re using it as retribution then you’re getting into a situation where the effect it has may not be the effect you want. Discipline has to be age- and situation-appropriate and effective parenting will use a variety of means to adjust a child’s behavior.
Here’s my example. I’m of the age where Saturday mornings were an hours-long cartoon extravaganza. I got a bad grade on a report card once–I think I was 8 or 9 years old–and I didn’t get to watch them again until the next report card came out. Nine long Saturday mornings of no Daffy Duck was interminable. That made me learn to focus on long-term goals at about the youngest age that I could, and that made a big difference for the rest of my life. Physical punishment would not have had the intended effect. On the other hand, three-year-olds don’t get subtlety.
That’s a curious position to take. I’ve yet to come across a news report of the victim on life support after a spanking.
I agree, jsquire, that being smacked would not have taught you a lesson regarding your uninspiring grades, but I wouldn’t have considered it the appropriate punishment. I regard a smack to be relegated to situations of immediate danger, or injurious crisis.
People who believe this to be true are like battered wives who keep going back to their abusive husbands because they believe or say they believe that they deserved it.
Adults who hit children should should have their arms broken.
In a nutshell, yes. It should be done as a last resort, and it should be made very clear to the kid that it is happening as a direct result of their unacceptable behavior.
Not to speak for Wordman, but if someone hauled off and hit me, I MIGHT hit them back. If someone spanked me, which is what we are discussing, I think I’d look at them and say “WTF are you doing?” I’d expect a good explanation like a parent should do.
The object of hitting a child is to cause pain and injury— duh. Call it spanking all you want, but it’s hitting and assault and battery and is meant to cause pain and injury, as is any attack upon any adult.
"Just wait “till your father gets home and gives you a hitting! You won’t sit down for a week!”
“just wait until your father gets home and gives you assault and battery! You won’t sit down for a week!”
So yeah, you don’t understand the difference, so you shouldn’t do any spanking.
Me, I see a clear difference, and part of that clear difference is that spanking doesn’t cause injury. If there’s any real chance of injury, you’ve gone beyond spanking.
As for “any attack on any adult,” here are some possible adult versions of spanking:
You’re a woman, and a man is touching your body inappropriately. You smack his hand.
You’re a cashier, and a customer reaches his/her hand into the cash drawer (maybe to steal something, maybe just to mess with you). You slap his/her hand away.
Would anyone get accused of assault and battery in cases like these?
Also, since 6Impossible brought up pups: animals (at least some of them) seem to understand the distinction between “hitting” and “spanking.” I’m thinking of cats who know the difference between taking a swipe at someone with their claws out vs. in, or dogs who can bite without breaking the skin, in play or in warning.
Wow. No. No, not even close. If the objective is to cause pain and injury, then it isn’t spanking. How does a “swat on the tush” cause pain and injury.
The objective of a spanking is to get a toddler’s attention as a last resort.
There’s a…really not even close to fine line between causing pain and injury and making it clear that biting or running into traffic is not good for them.
Anyway, like what the news reports say is a guide to anything - how many incidents *started out *as ‘spankings’ and turned into full-on ‘beatings’?
Her’s a little thought exercise - could you get charged with battery if you spanked an adult who wasn’t obeying your authoritah a couple swats on their ass? Would it be any different, legally, from the battery charge you’d get if you used a fist in their face?
The whole ‘But you wouldn’t do that to an adult!!’ argument is irrelevant. I also wouldn’t tell an adult whether or not he could have a cookie, or send him to the thinking corner. If I picked up an adult and put him somewhere he didn’t want to be, and made him stay there for one minute for every year of his age, and wouldn’t let him out till he apologised to his sister for smashing her Lego, it would be a crime. And yet I did that to my two-year-old just a few days ago, and I don’t feel one bit guilty.
Like I said, I have no intention of ever spanking my kids, but that’s not because I wouldn’t smack an adult.
Be interesting to see how the viewpoints in here are differentiated between parents and non-parents. Reminds me of the phrase “everyone is an expert on children until they have one.”
We only spanked if the munchkins ran away in the store or took off across the parking lot. Just one swat and a face-to-face (close) one sided discussion of what was wrong. Hitting others and throwing things were handled by bear hugs restricting movement. sometimes up to 10 minutes before they were let go. Spitting, screaming, biting handled by a one arm hug with the other hand over their mouth until the situation abated. Whining was handled by the repeated statement that we speak English and don’t understand whine. If they want something, ask in a clear speaking voice. Wife was into pinching them in Church if they were squirming about because “her parents did it.” Took me a while to break her of that as totally useless. I never shook them without having one hand behind there head. Again then you are close in their face. Now my kids are teens and up. They know they messed up when I swear. I didn’t use that tool until the oldest was in high school.
Edit> In regards to the OP, spanking a child 8 times is no longer discipline.
The issue for me isn’t with whether there’s a difference between what you can do to a kid vs an adult (although, note you can manhandle adults when you are in a position of legitimate authority over them e.g. police or MH orderlies, or when it is for their own safety - just like kids. So it’s not an ‘irrelevant’ argument) it’s whether the purely artificial spanking/beating distinction has any parallel in adult discourse. It seemingly doesn’t. There is the battery vs aggravated battery distinction, but that’s not the same thing, all spankings would be battery anyway.
I would. Maybe it’s just the reprobates I game with…
