I’d actually like to not give a lot of background but just pose the question.
NO! I lost my only child. I will never recover. If you aren’t a parent you can’t know.
picunurse, I am so sorry for you loss. I don’t mean the question to be offensive in any way.
IME, the people I’ve known who loved their pets and thought of them as children changed their minds once they had human babies around. A friend who doted on her cats decided that one had to go once it decided it didn’t like the baby. Another aquaintance had a dog that snapped at the baby, and it was gone. Both did their best to find good homes for the ex-pets, but when it came down to a choice of who was going to stay in the house, the human children won, hands down.
So I would say that it is certainly possible to love a pet very, very, very much; but insert a human dependent into the equation, and the pet will get second place. Which is as it should be, IMO.
For someone who doesn’t have a child, be it by choice or life, it’s very possible to have great love for them, to some extreme points.
But like what dangermom said…children win everytime if there’s a choice to be made…
I’m sorry, i should have clarified:
Someone who never had a child yet…
I am a pet owner, I am not a parent.
Huh, I think it’s possible to love a pet A LOT, although I don’t think it’s in the same way that you might love a child. And, I hate to say this, I think there are some people who might love their pets more than their children. Granted, these people are very dysfunctional and I wouldn’t hold them up as examples of good parenting. But it goes to show that anything’s possible.
But back to my theory that within the bounds of “normal” behavior love for pets and love for children are two different things – I think there is a completely different sort of relationship going on. I love my cat, but let’s face it, the relationship is fairly straightforward, and frankly, this is always going to be the case. As much as I want to believe he is the smartest cat in the world, his brain is the size of a walnut and he has a lot of limitations. The relationship is not particularly complicated. We don’t have any interpersonal issues. (I can’t even believe I am admitting this as a source, but …) one time on Beverly Hills 90210 it was pointed out that the loss of a pet is devastating in its own unique way, for that very reason. One generally doesn’t have any mixed feelings about the pet, the pet has never willfully betrayed you, you’ve never had a fight, you don’t have any unresolved issues that might come back to haunt you, the pet has never made choices that upset you or hurt you in some way, or made a cruel remark in the heat of anger. I think it’s very rare to be able to say this about another human being. As I mentioned, I’m not a parent, but looking at my own relationship with my parents, there are certainly things that have been complicated even though we love each other very much. And even though my parents love me unconditionally, I’ve certainly given them some grief through the years.
On the other hand, a child is a person, even an infant is a person with a personality. As you love a child, that love continues to grow and change and become more complicated as the child grows. You have a lot of expectations for that child, the most basic one is probably that the child will outlive you, and have a productive, happy, successful, fulfilling life of his or her own. There’s just a lot more going on, more interaction, more excitement, more anticipation, probably more tears, too.
I wouldn’t even go as far as saying that the love for a child is greater than the love for a pet in every single circumstance (although I think in many cases, for many people it is, and that’s a good thing). I think it depends a lot on whether you are a pet owner and parent at the same time. But I would say the love is definitely not “the same as,” it’s apples and oranges.
FWIW, there’s a commercial running nowadays showing a couple discussing what they got Max (or whoever) for his first Christmas… bla, bla, bla… of course – big surprise! – Max is their dog. (Rollyeyes.)
The voice-over announcer goes on to pitch the pet supply company, and uses the phrase “pets and their parents.”
Parents???
Jeezuss Christ, makes me want to vomit every time I hear that.
Yes!
So are we talking quantitatively, or qualitatively? If you’re asking if it’s possible to love an animal as much as you might love a child, I’d have to say that the answer is an unequivocal yes. If you’re asking if it’s possible to love a pet in the exact same way you might love a human child, it depends on the person, the pet, and the relationship. After all, pets are like kids in a lot of ways. They’re intelligent, responsive creatures dependent on us, and we feed them and shelter them and clean up after them and teach them how they’re supposed to act. Given the right personality for pet and owner and the right set of circumstances, it’s quite possible to form a relationship very much like a parent-toddler one. It’s not the exact same for most people, but some folks it is.
Whoooo boy!
I got pitted last March for referring to my newly departed cat Shae as my “daughter”. At the risk of being pitted again… that’s ok. I’m still bitter but this time I’m not racked with pain and would be ready for you.
Love a pet the same as a child… no, I sure hope not. I don’t think that would be a healthy relationship for anyone involved wether it be the person, child or animal.
But love a pet as much, I say definately.
Let me say that I too have had a child die and the answer for me is no. However there are people in the world who aren’t me and I don’t propose to belittle the grief they feel at the loss of a pet. I had people console me with the thought that my child was “only a baby” so I’m pretty certain that the average person has no idea of people’s capacity to form attachments to other living creatures. My son was more distressed by the death of his dog than the death of his brother and I don’t think he was wrong in that.
Trying to equate different kinds of love is futile. A man who loves his daughter in exactly the same way he loves his wife has problems.
In my opinion people who love their animals as much as they would love a human have some issues that would be good to get worked out. I love my cat Scooter, but delphica, when you said
it is apparent you have not spent time with my cat.
Scooter is 13, and will die soon. I will be in pain from that death, but nowhere even in the same zipcode as the pain I would feel with the death of a loved one (human style).
I don’t have a child, but I am almost entirely sure that the love I feel for my cat - which is genuine - is nothing like as strong as that I’d feel for a child. I am truly heartbroken for the people in this thread who have lost children.
However, there is also a lack of comprehension of how deep the love pet owners have for their animals is. They are, after all, family members, though neither human nor flesh-and-blood.
I myself was on the receiving end of scorn the day I buried my previous cat, who had been in my family for 16 years. My boss at first refused to give me the morning off work, and then laughed at my grief when I came into the office.
Perhaps it is you with the issues.
Kathy
Possibly, but I doubt it. A pet is a pet. You can love a pet a lot, but there is no comparison (IMHO) between the love for a pet and the love for a child.
I don’t think so.
I have two cats that I can say I truly love. I can remember the day my girls were born. I spoil them. When I lost their sister I did grieve. I do what I can to make them happy, and I THINK they like me too.
But in comparison to the way I feel about my daughter? Not even in the same ballpark. I’d kill for my child. I’d give my life for my baby. My entire life revolves around her well-being, and we have a complex relationship that changes and grows every day.
How anyone can think this is an “issue” is beyond my understanding.
My cats used to be my babies. Then I had a baby and they turned into cats.
When one of my cats was ripped in half by two dogs on my front lawn (owner found, prosecuted, fined; happens again, loses dogs and goes to jail. This was years ago.), I was devastated. I cried my head off. I was seriously depressed for a couple of weeks, easy.
NOTHING compared to what I’d feel if the same thing had happened to my child. NOTHING.
Apparently I didn’t make myself clear. I’m saying that I think UncleBill might be the one with a problem because he said
I’m offended by his armchair “shrinking”. What makes him qualified to declare it’s a mental problem if someone loves their pet as much as they love their animals? Does he have a degree that qualifies him to made this diagnosis?
If you look back at what I said:
The question was is it possible. It is possible. It is just as possible that someone can love their pet as much as their child as it is possible they wouldn’t. People come in all varieties. Different capibilities for love and different types of love.
Not acknowleding that is just ignorant.
Is it right? Is it wrong. No. There is no right or wrong here. Is it a mental illness? Hardly. No more so then to expect everyone to respond in the exact same way. To say that someone who has the ability to love more then one species to a higher degree has “issues” is what is wrong… IMO.
Kathy
For the record, I wasn’t wondering if there are people are out there who when compared to a child love their pets equally. The consensus seems to be that that would be a bit off.
People who will always be childless, for example – Is it possible for them to have a similar love for their pet that others have for their children?