I certainly enjoy my cats more than my children most of the time…
I had a beloved cat put to sleep six months ago. Just typing this is causing me to tear up. I think of him every day. On the other hand, if my children were to die, I don’t think I could live another day myself. I am in awe of people who are able to continue after such a loss.
I think some childless people have the same devotion to their pets as parents do to their children. However, I also feel that some people project human emotions (and needs) onto their pets that simply don’t exist. It ain’t hurtin’ anyone, but the separation issues when the pet goes to “that big litter box in the sky” can be unnecessarily painful.
I adore my kittycats, but it is NOTHING compared to the love I feel for my kid.
For the record, I am twenty six years old and have no children, though I hope to have one someday. I am the 'Mommy" to two cats and a dog.
I adore my pets. Love them like family. Use them as an outlet for my maternal instinct. I buy them presents, spoil them rotten and take them on outings.
I suspect that when I finallly do have children, my perception of my pets will change. I won’t love them any less, but that love will be in a new perspective compared to the love I’ll have for my children.
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- I got into this with somebody here when it was asked how to discipline a pet not to do something–and I said yelling a command at them and striking them was the best way to go. All the pets I have had were perfectly normal-acting, but get the hell away from something if I tell them to–and that’s just the way I wanted it.
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Someone asked if I would do the same to a child, and I responded: a pet is not a child, and can never be. There is a tremendous world of difference between the two and if you think they are the same, then you probably shouldn’t be left in charge of either.
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. . . I remember a year or so ago one poster’s pet was striken with some deadly disease, and in the midst of a pity-thread, she (or he?) said, “Why couldn’t it have been me instead?”
I didn’t say anything, but I did think, ooooh, that is not healthy . . . You are supposed to outlive your pets. My cats are 14. I love them. I will be very sad when they die. But they are cats.
We keep our cats staggered in age so we sort of have a revolving door. Right now we have one 11, one 3, one infant, and a stray of indeterminate age. I don’t expect anyone to go for a while, but when one does we have to remain strong for the younger ones!! When one dies, we get another one. There’s enough love, money, and space for three inside and the occasional homeless cat who wanders into the yard.
How do you measure another person’s love. or capacity to love?
I have lost both a child and pets, and both are very painful. Maybe I have issues, maybe I don’t. I do take issue with other people telling me I should feel worse, or I shouldn’t feel that way…no one has the right to tell another how they should feel about something.
My child was lost to me because I was young and placed her for adoption. She is not dead, but I lost her. It was the worst thing I have ever gone through.
My pets mean the world to me, and if anyone ever tells me I can’t feel a certain way about them, I will tell you to go to hell.
Sat on Cookie I think that child-free by choice people will in some cases say that they do love their pet as a child, and that the strength and complexity of that love is very similar to a parent-child relationship.
However in my view, they’d have no basis for comparison. They can’t with all understanding say “I love my pet just as much as I’d love a child” because they have never had a child to compare to. I’m not saying that it is impossible - in this world all things are possible and there may truly be those who do love their pets as they would a child if they had one.
Of course for those who are child-free by choice, it may be that they love their pet more than they would a child, since they emphatically don’t want a kid in the first place. Though I hope that most who end up with an unwanted child would learn to be happy about the situation and love the child anyway.
That said I’d tend to give more weight to the answers of those who’ve had both experiences, as a pet owner and a parent. And it seems the consensus is that loving a child and loving a pet are two discrete experiences, and hard to compare. I know that having my kid changed my relationship wth my kitty Pickles and both put it into perspective and also bumped her down the line.
Twiddle
I do have basis for comparison (read my previous post). .
Does parenting give a person an extra “love gene”? Does it increase their capacity to love? How would you feel if someone told you that you should or shouldn’t love someone else (maybe a spouse, maybe a parent) more than you love your child?
Nobody can dictate to another how or how much to love. Nobody can tell another that they don’t have the capacity to love as much as they do.
How can you measure another’s feeling of love?
I’m sorry you went through that. But…
In a way, yes. We are, for the most part, programmed to love and protect our children above most other things. Becoming a parent has certainly increased my capacity to love, as I think it does many folks’. Should does not necessarily come into it; the fact is that most people who Really Love their pets will put those pets into second place once a human baby enters the scene.
True enough.
Well, here’s one simple test. If your five-year-old son and your cat were in a burning house, which would you grab first? Would you have to think about it? Ask anyone who has both at the same time, and I think you’ll always get the same answer.
No.
Never kiss an animal that can lick its own butt.
I don’t have a five year old son, and never will. I would rescue the child first, of course, but why does that diminish the love I feel for my pets? It makes me feel really bad to have my feelings that I feel dismissed as not being as strong as others - simply because I am not a parent. I know that nobody else can feel my feelings, that is why I think that it will be hard to answer this question. I do know that I have a great capacity to love, and nuture - and I choose to give this to my animals.
How can anyone say it would be any stronger if it were a child, instead?
If it makes you feel better, I was always annoyed (before I had children) by people who told me “If you think you love that cat, wait til you have a kid!” Especially since I never liked or wanted children. Here I am, two “accidents” later, and I do love them. It’s not the joyous, uncomplicated kind of love you have for a pet, though. It’s more of a horrible vulnerability.
Well, it was a hypothetical five-year-old son. I don’t have one either (two daughters so far), but it seemed as good as any example. The point is, it doesn’t diminish the love you have for your pets. But as much as you love them, you’re programmed to value the life of a child more. The pet, as wonderful a pet as it may be, as much as you love it, will not win if the child’s safety is in question. That’s how Nature made us, and Nature is far more interested in survival than anything else.
Luckily those types of things don’t happen very often, and most people get to lavish their love on children, pets, and anyone else who comes along. May yours live long and happily.
On preview–“horrible vulnerability” is a wonderful way to put it, Dung Beetle.
Thanks, dangermom. I was just hoping it wouldn’t offend anyone.
The burning building analogy still doesn’t prove any measure of love - saving the child first would be the right thing to do.
It is too easy for people to dismiss other’s feelings. Do you love your children more than your neighbors loves their children? See where I’m coming from?
I’m just saying that deep love for pets is possible, even though you couldn’t imagine feeling that way yourself. It is hard to truly understand how some people can feel, until you are that person. So please don’t discount how I personally feel about something.
I’m sorry I should have been more clear. My post wasn’t in reaction to yours specifically, and when I said child-free by choice I wasn’t specifically thinking about those who have placed a child for adoption but instead those who have never had a baby or parented a child, created life, however you want to phrase it. And who cheerfully admit they never want to.
Though you aren’t parenting your child, in my estimation (not that it should matter to you one way or the other what I think about adoption, but to give you a sense of where I’m coming from) you are a parent and so, in fact do have that very basis for comparison I was speaking about.
As for the burning building question, I agree it doesn’t really get us anywhere - who to rescue isn’t purely a function of love but a whole host of other factors.
I am one of the child-free by choice and I will never have children.
I will always have pets.
The saving of a life (as in the burning building example) has nothing to do with love. I, however, would risk my life and limb to save my pets. If somehow I were in the situation of caring for a child, the child’s life will come first, as I have a greater responsibility to its future…(a cat is not going to cure cancer, etc) but even if in mortal peril, I would return to the hypothetical burning building and try to save my pets.
I agree with Boscibo, different kinds of love are not less or greater than each other. I don’t love my parents any less than my SO, but the love for my SO is completely different and more passionate than the love I have for my parents.
Why this urge to compare? I think this very topic is rife with complications and the potential for judgement. I love everyone differently. If my brother and my father were in a burning building, who would I save? How would I be judged for that choice? AND, whatever would anyone have to gain by asking such a thorny and well-nigh unanswerable question?
I have no children but I do have cats, and delphica hit the nail square on the head when she said that my relationship with my cats is uncomplicated. Achmed, my Siamese mix, sleeps next to me in bed with my arms wrapped around him. He snuggles into my neck as I watch TV. He has never caused me a momen’t worry, grief, or anger. In fact, I would call him the only sentient source of uncomplicated, pain-free joy in my life. For that he will have my undying love and eternal gratitude.
In a way, Achmed has set a standard that no human can attain: perfect, unconditional love. There has never been a moment when I wanted to be with him, pet him, or just snuggle, that he has rejected me. He has never yelled or insulted, and though he has had numerous opportunities to do so, he’s never abandoned me. No human will ever be so loyal and unambivalent. Achmed and I have the perfect relationship, considering the natural limitations of a pet/owner relationship. Cast all the aspersions you want, judge me, say I have issues, but Achmed is my favorite friend.
On the other hand, I realize that Achmed will not be around when I grow old; he can’t make me chicken soup when I’m sick; he won’t help me pay the mortgage; we can’t play Scrabble, go to my brother’s for Thanksgiving, etc. He has limited intelligence, limited abilities, and he will die before me. These boundaries define and delimit our relationship; if I have a child, I hope to do all of the above things that Achmed can’t do, and I hope never to lose him or her.
Bottom line, and it’s been said already in this thread: the nature of the love is DIFFERENT, and I am very uncomfortable comparing the two.
PS–No way in hell would I ever get rid of Achmed, even if I had a baby and he didn’t like the baby. A commitment is a commitment, and Achmed is with me for life. It’s the least I can do for him. Don’t tell me I’ll change my mind when I have that baby. I won’t.
I agree Rubystreak.
I wouldn’t try to compare the two.
The burning house example is something brought up in GD threads (something about saving a stranger over your pet?) and it really isn’t based on love. Most humans value other humans over non-humans, love doesn’t enter into things for many people.
I myself would value a pet over a human - except my own human family members. Probably because my SO would kick the crap out of me if I didn’t 
To reply to the original question, sure, a person can love a pet as if it was a child but I don’t think many people would value the pet over that of the child.