This is contrary to my own experience. I am not a really faddy eater, but certain food I just don’t like (e.g. most fish and all other seafood), and some other foods don’t agree with me as I am moderately lactose intolerant. Also I have made a habit of not drinking calories, except for lactose free milk and sometimes wine.
Every time in my adult life when, at a private meal or in restaurant setting, whether with family, friends or acquaintances, I have indicated that I chose not to eat something, the others accepted that as a matter of fact. I have never been pressed in the way quoted above to taste something - at most the reaction was ‘your loss; the more left for us’; if someone thought my preference odd they kept that to themselves. I have also never been pressed to drink alcohol or not to drink alcohol.
Is that also your experience or do I just have the good fortune to associate with exceptionally well-bred people?
It depends. I have known more people to push alcohol more than food but I’ve crossed paths with some of those as well; usually in terms of home-made or baked goods. “Try this cake - I just made it”. Look - I don’t like coconut, I never liked coconut and I don’t plan on ever liking coconut. Just be glad, it means more cake for someone else.
You should try being a vegetarian for a week. Even if you do your best not to bring it up, not to push it on others, you’ll be set upon by the carnivorous lobby–just ordering an entree that has no meat will set off alarm bells. Not that there aren’t a lot of obnoxious vegetarians out there, but they are far outnumbered by those who take any opportunity to attack their personal strawmen or expose falsely perceived hypocrisy.
This happens to me all the time. I have a lot of things I don’t eat or drink (seafood, alcohol, caffiene, foods that are very bitter, etc.) and people keep telling me I’m missing out and that I don’t understand how wonderful something is without trying it. Telling them I’ve tried it all at one point or another and I have reasons for not liking it doesn’t stop some people. I’ve had people try to slip shrimp or fish into foods without telling me because they just know I will love it if I give it another try. Some people seem to think that if you dislike a food they enjoy it is a personal slam against them and they are determined to prove that their personal preferences are the right ones, dammit.
Birthday cake at work. I don’t like to waste calories on cardboard grocery store cake with waxy icing. I always decline politely with a nice comment about the cake “wow, you picked out such a pretty cake, but I am stuffed from lunch, thanks” but cake pushers are a relentless breed. “Oh come, on, it’s birthday cake, one piece won’t hurt you!” Ugh.
The last birthday, I went to the break room for the celebration to wish the person a happy birthday, politely declined a piece of cake and went back to my desk. Someone followed me all the way down the hall to bring me a piece of cake! So aggravating, I still said “no thanks!” but the person left it on my desk “for later.” I pitched it.
My brother doesn’t really care for fresh tomatoes. He’ll eat processed/cooked tomatoes such as salsa, marinara or in soups but sliding a slice of ripe tomato onto his burger annoys him. It took ages for Mom to figure out that the garden fresh summer tomatoes the rest of us were thrilled to get just didn’t appeal to him. He was well into his 30s by the time she gave up.
Happens all the time. I’m the default cook in my circle of friends, and so I hear a lot about the preferences and sensitivites/allergies, and I do everything I can to accommodate them. I’ll make three versions of many dishes, to avoid mushrooms in one and tomatoes in another and wheat in the third…and *still *people are trying to push the mushroom containing one on the person who gets sinus congestion if she eats mushrooms or the tomatoey one on the person who doesn’t like tomatoes. The wheat one doesn’t get so much of it, as people know how sick my daughter was when she ate gluten; that’s a “real” allergy (not really, it’s not a histamine induced response, it’s a digestive one), so that one is respected.
Drives me crazy, just as the cook. Look, I respect people’s preferences enough to cook to order, and you’re going to be a pushy jerk anyway? Stop that.
However, I also don’t like being lied to as the cook. If you tell me you’re “allergic” to something, I make a lot more work for myself cooking to prevent cross contamination in the kitchen. So don’t then serve yourself from the dish of stir fry and pick out the “yucky” bean sprouts. If I knew it was a *preference *and you’d be happy to pick them out, I wouldn’t treat it like an allergy!
I get it often, because I don’t like fruit. Every time someone finds this out they say, “I can’t believe you don’t like fruit. Fruit is the best thing ever. You have to try [specific fruit], I’m sure you’ll love it.” I say no thanks, that’s all right. “Please, just try a little bit for me? I promise you’re going to like it.” I’ve tried it before and I strongly disliked it. “Well maybe your tastes have changed since then.” And so on, ad infinitum.
I actually once caught two of my friends trying to plot ways to secretly sneak fruit into my food. What the hell, guys.
I don’t claim that these people are oppressing me, I just think they’re being asshats.
Of course people push food all the time. And it’s not wrong to say, ONE TIME, have you ever tried it? Because it’s amazing how many people won’t eat sushi because they are convinced it’s full of raw slimy fish, for example. When I eat sushi all the time and don’t like raw fish at all. There is a difference between not eating something because you have a false impression of what it is, and not eating something because you genuinely don’t like it.
It’s not right to force someone or slip food into someone’s plate. Or worse yet, keep nagging. But it happens.
Yeah, birthday cake is tricky because it’s a social ritual of celebrating someone’s birthday, so by refusing the cake, it looks like you are refusing to celebrate. I tend to take a piece of cake, have a small bite if necessary, so it looks like I’m eating it, then quietly dispose of it later.
I’m an only child. When did **TriPolar **become my sibling?
OP: some people are rude, pushy asswipes. Some people are polite and have some shred of decency and/or manners. Comes out in all sorts of ways, and since food is universally important, that’s a common sticking point. Sounds like you’ve lucked out in this department.
I think it’s a matter of social circles. The demographic I tend to hang out with – young, frequently queer, often issuing from a variety of activist circles – swing pretty far in the other direction: a lot of energy is put into making sure that there will be stuff to meet everyone’s dietary needs, with at least vegan and gluten-free options. Cajoling someone into eating something they don’t want would be pretty shocking.
For some people, the birthday cake is a break from their diets, and they look to others to also eat the cake, so they don’t feel guilty. Plus, it’s a celebratory thing. I would do what others do, take it, nibble on it a bit, and then throw it out later.
I recall and old “Dear Abby” (or maybe “Ann Landers”) column where she recommends saying “you’re allergic” to politely decline food you dislike.
What I usually do is say, “I’ll try it and take the smallest possible amount, then dispose of it in my napkin or pocket”
It’s easier than fighting.
I used to work with this Mexican lady, nice woman and she was always trying to feed me. She cooked well and it was good, but it was HOT. I told her I can’t eat hot food. She’d say, “I didn’t use any hot stuff in it.” Well it was HOT. Maybe it was psychological, but I think she didn’t understand her concept of spicy/hot was 180º form my definition.
I think the stereotype of obnoxiously crusading vegetarians is blown way out of proportion. Exactly what **Rhythmdvl **said. I and all the vegetarians I know like to quietly mind our own business. And we constantly have to put up with harassment from meat-eaters who have such a problem with other people being vegetarians. Who crack the same old lameass vegetarian-disparaging jokes that we’ve already heard hundreds of times that weren’t funny in the first place, and they imagine they’re being so awfully witty. Or scold us about protein or something. The mere presence of a vegetarian seems to trigger off any number of political rants out of the blue. Would someone please explain what is these people’s problem? Are they so threatened by the mere existence of vegetarian people even though we’re quietly minding our own business?
This is annoying, though. I then have to feel obligated. This person is not my mother that she feels the need to feed me! Please, do you not think I eat?
I have a Food Bully at work. He brings all the snacks and treats around to each desk individually, insisting that people have some. Any and all explanations are brushed off. I hate to waste the food, but the only way to deal with him is take whatever he’s giving you and toss it later.