A friend of mine is in law enforcement. Recently one of his coworkers was shot/killed during a traffic stop. The shooter was identified quickly and an effort was made to catch the guy (they eventually located and brought him in alive).
A picture made the local and national news. In it, my friend is wearing a POLICE tshirt and jeans and is carrying an assault rifle of some sort. He is leading a group of six other guys who are all suited up in Kevlar suits and helmets. He looks like a TV police action hero. He’s actually walking over to grab his Kevlar suit, helmet, etc but man does he look tough. He’s even scowling.
Shortly after all this went down we all got together for some beers. He went around and hugged each of us. One guy was crying. We all agreed that there was nothing inherently wrong with the hugging, but we’ve all agreed to not make it a regular thing.
On a drive in Galway years ago, I chatted a little with an older woman I met in a shop , it seemed she may have had a drink and she needed to talk, a lot , she kept apologising and I kept reassuring her she was grand I had all the time in the world. She spoke about her dead husband and let out a sob which made her apologise profusely as I was again reassuring her I just asked would you like a hug and she said I’d love one so we hugged for a minute and she was happy . nowadays I kinda hate everyone (self preservation) and can’t believe I was ever like that
I am not sure I understand. She wanted a hug and you gave her one. That is a kind thing to do. It sounds like you need a hug yourself if I am reading you correctly.
In my Southern cultural upbringing, you give and get lots of hugs. It is just a nice thing to do. Everyone does it and there is nothing sexual about it.
It isn’t just hugs either. I have picked up my aunts and cousins with their feet off the floor when I was thrilled to see them after a long absence. Kisses on the cheek are common as well. If you love someone, you might as well show it. I am of British descent but I don’t approve of the whole stiff upper lip shenanigans. Lutherans are even worse. If you love someone, hug them and tell them. There is nothing good that come from hiding your emotions in front of your own family and friends.
I have a couple of strapping nephews who do that to tiny me. And I adore it. I’m always surprised and delighted by it. Sometimes vert tall people struggle to comfortably hug a short person, and it can get a titch awkward! But not when you’re literally being swept off your feet! For a brief moment you get to feel what it’s like to be tall, BONUS!
My family was not into hugging or any physical displays of affection. OTOH, we never doubted for a moment our parents loved us; it was shown in how they treated us.
I still don’t hug much, though I have no problem saying “I love you.” My daughter, OTOH, is the hugger in the family. She used to talk about giving people her “famous hug” when in grade school.
Our oldest was such a hugger, that we often joked that she would be the kid that the school called and told us that she got in trouble for hugging people at school.
Honestly, I feel that our work environments are so stiff and stilted that there is often no physical contact. You only handshake a person the first time you meet them. There is no pats on the shoulder or hugs or anything. Not that the corporate office should have lots of contact, but there is no deep connection. We are all just acquaintences.
I mentioned this thread and its OPs statement to my wife and daughters on Monday and they were so sad, they wanted to come and give the OP a hug.
I don’t think it is unusual to have never had a hug. If the familial norms do not include hugging, then I could see that someone would grow up without the experience.
From my own experience, I grew up in a family that regularly hugged. I married a person from a similar hugging family. So, hugs were common.
However, I have learned that my second spouse is not from a hugging background. The few (very few) times I have hugged my spouse, I get a very aloof reaction, so hugs aren’t a thing. More’s the pity, alas.
I have never before considered that there are people who have not been hugged. Sure, I can see that some people may go long periods without a hug, but I guess I didn’t imagine that it could be years or decades.