I voted ‘not rude’, but I think it is a highly individual issue and much like talking about income some people might be more bothered by it that others. Also context might matter on this one.
I am currently living a condo complex that for whatever reason is full of a very high percentage of seniors - folks mostly older than me. The default assumption of most residents seems to be that anyone around here that has any gray hair is retired and I am definitely graying . So on a couple of occasions I’ve had “what did you use to do?” tossed at me, with a brief moment of befuddlement coming after I respond “well, I’m still doing.”
But it truly doesn’t bother me. Partly because I look forward to retiring sooner rather than later and partly because I have zero vanity about how old I look. As I’ve mentioned many times I once had someone guess I was 32 when I was 17. People have slotted me in at 5-15 years older than I am since I started growing a whisp of a mustache at about age 13.
If somebody walked up to me on the street, somebody I’d not met before, and asked me if I was retired, I would likely tell them off. I’d be sure it’d lead into some kind of, “Well, would you like to be?” spiel that leads into six layers of con artistry.
If the HR rep at a community college asked me, by e-mail, if I was retired, I’d not think that rude. They might have a job offer for a part time position.
The reason it would be rude to ask me if I’m retired is because I’m not retired - and the question would remind me about how sad I am that I’m not. I’ll probably be working for the next twenty years, curse it all.
Is there supposed to be some sort of stigma attached to being retired? Unemployed, sure, if you’re unemployed that implies you’re some sort of dirty monster person who eats walnuts unironically. But to be retired means that you have served a full life being productive and have earned your state of relaxation and of claiming that things were much harder in the past than they actually were.
As others have said, it depends hugely on the circumstances. And depending on the questioner’s goals, may not actually be the question they ought to be asking to get the info they actually need. Assuming of course those goals & info are even legitimate to begin with.
A different issue is how one feels about retirement changes as one ages. Being asked at 40 is likely to be interpreted as an insult about your appearance. At early 60s, it’s likely interpreted as “Are you lucky / skillful enough to have secured your prize yet?”. And at 70-something it’s likely interpreted as “Are you unlucky / unskillful enough to not have secured your prize yet?”
In my age & financial cohort, having retired early is a badge of pride worthy of a high five, not condolences. Sticking it out to the end is a sign you had bad fortune or bad investing skill. So when someone asks whether you’re retired, they’re often inviting you to brag about how well things are going. And yes, sometimes they get an earful of woe instead of a happy dance. I’ll almost certainly be working to the last day whether I want to or not.
Either way it’s a loaded question.
If the answer is needed for some business / administrative purpose, far better for the questioner to explain that. “Hi. I need to put your status on this form. Are you working, retired, unemployed, or other?” That moves all the value judgments inherent in the issue off the questioner and the answerer and onto the form author.
If the question is just social yak-yak, then an old lawyer’s maxim applies: “Never ask a question you don’t know the answer to.” Updated for social situations, it might better be: “Only ask questions where you’re real confident the answerer won’t misunderstand your motivation for asking and will feel better for having answered.” Which implies you a) understand their POV / frame of mind, and b) already have a real good idea which answer they’ll give. Otherwise dumbness ensues.
I don’t think it’s rude, but as noted above, context is everything. If I had just met someone who looked to be of retirement age and we were chatting, I would probably be more likely to ask “So, what do you do in life as we know it?” or “What do you do for a living?” than ask “Are you retired?”
I originally answered “no” but the more I think about it, the question can be a little rude depending on context like a previous poster state. If it’s in a conversation where something like that can be relevant is one thing, but to just “pop it out there” is perhaps a little NOYB.
Myself, I qualified for an early pension a few years ago, so I ‘retired’ from that job then got another job.
. So on a couple of occasions I’ve had “what did you use to do?” tossed at me, with a brief moment of befuddlement coming after I respond “well, I’m still doing.”