You can be friendly and still be rude. And even if it’s not rude, it’s still stupid.
(I once carded a woman though who turned out to be in her late thirties – she looked extremely young. I was extremely embarassed when I saw her license, but I swear, she was absolutely thrilled.)
Except for calling them “young lady.” :dubious:Gah.
I’m curious how we’re defining “rude” when this is described as patronizing, condescending, obnoxious, but not rude.
I’m 40 this year and live in the South. I’m okay with being called “young lady” by people older than me. If anyone younger than me called me “young lady” I’d think they were being smart, and not in a good way. IMO, referring to an elderly woman as “young lady” is disrespectful and, yes, rude.
How would people feel if instead of calling an older woman, “Young lady,” the clerk had called, “Hi there, slim,” to an overweight customer? It’s the same thing.
That’s not the same thing. Old age doesn’t carry the stigma that obesity does.
But you can call a skinny person “Big Daddy”.
Meh. I’m in my mid-thirties, have a beard speckled with white hairs, and I still get carded occasionally. It’s just annoying, especially if I’m dealing with something else (getting out the right card, entertaining the baby, talking with my wife about plans, etc.): do people really think I’m a twenty-year-old with a wife, daughter, and white-haired beard?
It is rude and obnoxious to call your customer anything other than “sir” or “ma,am”. No “young lady”. No “slim” or “bro” or “boss” or "chief’. I am not a fucking Indian Chief. I don’t play for the Kansas City Chiefs. I know you are trying to be cool but guess what? You are not “cool” to me. You are a guy who made horrible life decisions.
That reminds me of one of the radio commercials Kokanee Beer was running here in Washington a while back. The ad campaign (which consisted of several commercials) revolved around Kokanee, a Canadian beer, being scarce in Washington, and so everybody from store clerks to the State Patrol were making an effort to prevent out-of-staters from coming here and purchasing it.
In my favorite commercial, you hear a convenience store clerk greeting a customer:
Clerk: Just the beer, Sir?
Customer: [obvious “very old man” voice] Yep, just the beer!
Clerk: All right, I’ll just need to see your ID, Sir.
Customer: Wha…?! What in tarnation do you need to see my ID for?! Just look at me! I’m oooold and decrepit!
That last line just killed me 
(The commercial continued with the clerk explaining he needed to verify the customer’s Washington residence, not his age.)
Hmm. I can hear it both ways. I think it depends on how you say it, and whether there is a reasonable perception that the person is actually in the group that most people would call a “young lady/woman.”
Incidentally, I’ve heard that it is considered more polite to refer to an older woman as “señorita” than “señora.”
Personally I agree.