Inspired by this thread. I’m reminded of something I read in a Miss Manners book once. IIRC, you can call just about any woman “mother” if she’s old enough you can reasonably assume she’s pumped one or two out. If you’re not sure then discretion is always best of course, but if you know for a fact she’s got kids, “mother” is not an incorrect form of address.
How do the women on this board feel about that? Can I call you “mother,” assuming you are one? Or are you going to look at me weird and tell me to stop reading Miss Manners?
Let’s say I’m not planning on running around randomly addressing women as “mother” but if I happened to be watching my nieces & nephews at the park and you were there with kids as well would it be weird if I said, “excuse me mother, but do you happen to know the time?”
This is one Miss Manners rule I would never follow, and hope no one else would either (when speaking to me).
Maybe in some cultures it’s acceptable, or even the norm, but it’s not something I’ve ever seen, or heard, done.
Women do that in some black communities as well. Who knew they had so much in common?
This Miss Manners rule is just plain wrong. I have never heard of anyone doing that or thinking that it is Ok. I have known my in-laws for 15 years and I am just now starting to call my MIL “mum”.
Which Miss Manners book, may I ask? I’ve read them all (except the one that is a transcript of a commencement speech she gave) and I don’t remember her ever saying anything like that. In fact, to me it seems very unlike her. I’ve always gotten the impression that she disapproves of making assumptions about people’s personal lives, especially their reproductive lives.
Thanks. I no longer have a copy of her first book, which was recently revised, but I have the others, and it is definitely not in any of those. I still doubt very strongly it was she. As I said in my first post, Miss Manners is very much against making assumptions about people you don’t know, and even those you do. She is also a stickler for addressing people you don’t know well formally, as Mr., Miss, Mrs. or Ms. if you know their surnames, and for using Sir or Ma’am if you don’t. (For those who think she is very old-fashioned, she has come out strongly in favor of Ms. as a good, uncomplicated form of address.)
Perhaps you are thinking of another etiquette maven. The closest thing I can think of is her acknowledgement that in languages where there are separate forms of address for married and unmarried women (say, the French *Madame *and Mademoiselle, for example) it is common and courteous to address an older woman as Madame regardless of marital status.
One of the Samoan locals started to call my mother “Mother,” a while back. She said she felt quite flattered, because she knew that culturally, for him this was a fairly big thing.
There is a scene in Schindler’s List where a German officer starts calling the older Jewish women mother. He is puzzled that any of the Jews that are that old are still alive.
“And how old are you mother?”
So, I’m sure the idea has been around but it sends chills up my spine.
I really wish I could find a cite for it now. I swear I didn’t just imagine it. A friend of mine loaned me her Miss Manners book, I thought it was hilariously written so I sat down and read the whole thing through. I remember later mentioning to my friend, "huh, I didn’t know you could call other people’s mothers, “mother.” That was over ten years ago, for sure.
This is gonna bug the crap out of me now. I wonder if my old friend still has the book. I haven’t emailed her in awhile and I feel kinda awkward writing to her out of the blue asking if she remembers this “mother” thing. I’ll feel even stupider if she says she has no idea what I’m talking about.
It’s pretty creepy if you ask me. Is that from an old Miss Manners or a new one? I recall hearing grown men call their wives “mother” but I don’t recall ever hearing a friend or acquaintance refer to someone as “mother” unless she actually is their mom or MIL.
What?! Hell yes, I’d mind if you called me “mother.” A) I’m not a mom, though at 30 I supposed I’d be at the age where I could’ve had a couple by now; and B) I don’t know you from Adam. And how awkward a construction is that: “excuse me, mother, do you have the time?” Yikes. Address the woman as “ma’am” if you really think you need to sneak a title in there, otherwise I think the “excuse me” covers you completely in the politeness realm. Way weird. “Creepy” fits exactly.
