I believe Miss Manners has addressed the issue of unacceptable noises: socially they do not exist. So if I interpet her correctly, the other guy was not rude for making the noises; Wee Bairn was rude for hearing them.
Although Miss Manners makes it seem that passing gas occurs outside of and is therefore invisible to old-fashioned etiquette, there were oblique observances.
Given the huge, multi-course dinners of the Edwardian era, and the understandable accumulation of post-prandial gas, no wonder there was the accepted practice where the gentlemen would retreat to the study for brandy & cigars and the women to the salon for sherry. The unspoken reason was to, in the words of Mark Twain “by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh”
Of course, for the middle and working classes this convention didn’t exist; therefore the Thanksgiving and Christmas day televised footbal game was invented.
I agree with that one - talking through the cubicle wall is just not right. Especially if the conversation is initiated by the person outside the cubicle (has only ever happened to me a couple of times, but I made sure to inject a fake strained tone in the middle of sentences).
“Our Poo-Poo Platter comes with a variety of cranberry juice, prunes, and psyllium husks, arranged in an beautiful, artistic presentation that never fails to move our guests.”
Reminds me of an old trick. Smear peanut butter on a patch of tissue, slide it under the cubicle wall as if you dropped it then shout “Slide that back this way, would you pal?”
I’m trying to picture Wee Bain’s face if someone tried that. 
If I gotta take a loud shit and someone doesn’t like it, that’s their problem. I’m there to unload my ass, not cater to delicate sensibilities.
My wife was commenting the other day on a public john where women always seem to be especially slow. She observed that that john always seems to be absolutely quiet, which she suspects might make a number of the users self conscious about any noises they might make. She thinks a noisier john might speed up things.
Maybe that will be my path to my next million. Piped in sound effects wor women’s shitters.
I want in on that! How about New-Agey “Whale Songs?” It still qualifies as music so as to provide plausible deniability, but sounds like high-pitched flatus. This would drown out the human accompaniment, and also evoke bowel-loosening laughter.
I meant, even though I love the smell of my own brand, I can’t stand the smell of others, and will gladly wait five minutes and come back vs. holding my breath and trying not to breathe in- I’m no weirdo
Ah, to be young, regular, and continent!
I’m happy for you that you have such control over your bodily functions but many people do not. Nervous colons, constipation, dietary intolerances, and just advancing age can makes timing of defecation more problematic. In other words, some of these people aren’t choosing to crap, fart, or otherwise produce waste products, they might be desperately hurrying to reach the toilet before doing the unspeakable in their undershorts.
Where else would they make “toilet noises” but in the toilet? Next to your desk? In the breakroom? Fact is, the lavatory is for depositing bodily wastes and I’m a big puzzled why you seem offended when it is put to intended use.
So maybe the other party had to go really bad and wasn’t in the mood for waiting on your uptight self?
Question-what happens if you go to an empty bathroom, and then someone enters and does his business?
Or what if YOU happen to get sick to YOUR stomach, and the above situation happens?
For a soulful bowel strut, you can’t beat Screamin’ Jay Hawkins’ Constipation Blues:
UMM-UMMMH, aeoh
UMM-UOOMH
OOH!
OH!
UH UH
Aaah
UOH, aah
Let it go! Let it go! Let it go! Let it go!
I don’t believe I can take much more
Let it go
Aah
Got a pain down inside
Won’t be denied
Yeah, every time I try
I can’t be satisfied
Let it go!
There’s a happy ending though.
That’s Senator Craig’s story and he’s sticking to it.
No. I do not think that this is rude.
It seems to me the real issue is if you are still zipping up and intend to be out the door in ten seconds, then you are not washing your hands properly. And you then shake people’s hands or touch other public things with them. You should be ashamed.
I doubt if zombies worry about the personal hygiene of the person whose hand they’re shaking. Or whose brain they’re eating
You may want to talk to the Mods about a name change-I think we already have a ButtNut68xxx, and there might be some confusion.
The above remark, posted 10+ years ago, seems oddly prescient.
It’s been over ten years and not one Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference?
I fart in your general direction!