Shitting in the toilet…way better than shitting in your pants. Way better.
I don’t like to poop in public restrooms, or the one at work for that matter, but sometimes I just have to. But my farts sound like angels singing and my shit smells like roses, so other people aren’t really offended.
Nope, sorry, if you are in a well-plumbed room full of porcelain fixtures, you are there to “relieve” yourself. And that means relaxing the sphincters (when properly positioned atop aforementioned porcelain fixtures, of course.) If your guts roar and your bowels angrily evict last night’s ill-advised burrito platter while I’m washing my hands, you’re either getting the proper fiber or you’re still young enough to handle the business on your own. Either way, God bless ya’! I require a daily regimen of roughage and cranberry juice to assure that my colonoscopies are clean and my kidneys are clear. If the result offends you at ten o’clock on a Wednesday, then go shit in your own house.
Hey, the sounds of plop-plop, fizz-fizz, oh-what-a-relief-it-is* basically comes with the territory that is a bathroom. Deal.
The noises I find rude in a bathroom at work are the people who answer their cellphones while in the stall. And keep right on talking. About work. While they’re dropping bricks. Eeeewww.
*For those too young to remember, this really used to be the advertising slogan, put to a musical jingle no less, for Alka-Seltzer.
“An excellent choice, sir. And for you, madam? I highly recommend the mixed fiber platter.”
No. In fact it’s rude to get upset about (or expect dudes to not make) bathroom noises *in the fucking bathroom. * :rolleyes:
Well, you’ll have to excuse me for doing something that is a natural function.
You know, ever since I had my gall bladder out five years ago, some meals seem to weigh heavier -so to speak- And the urgent need to go may offend your tender ears, but you’ll get no apology from me. We all poop.
You poop. I poop. They poop. She poops. He poops.
Get over it.
I completely support the making of horrific noises, fake or real, when the person in the next stall is on a cell phone. Make raspberry noises with your lips against your arm. Make plop-plop sounds any way you can. Groan and grunt loudly.
Amen, brother.
I always thought it would be funny to finish, say “WOW!”, and snap a picture(flash on) with an empty camera. But then they might think you’re taking pics of people in the bathroom, and call the cops or something…
Doesn’t anyone here feel embarassed to make small talk with coworkers at the sink after making all of these noises? I mean, I know it’s human nature and that’s what you’re there for, but…am I the only one???
That is why I would sit in silence and wait for an empty bathroom…I don’t want anyone knowing it’s me making those noises! These are people I have to face in important meetings in 5 minutes!
In general, do new arrivals to the defecation facilities in your area of expertise have issues? 'Cause I would.
One of these sentences does not belong with the other.
No. If I’m in a stall and dropping my own personal Fat Boy into the porcelain depository, and I know there are other people in the bathroom, I will wait until the leave to make my exit.
Some guys get pretty damned constipated, as they’ll only poop when noone’s around. And usually, someone’s around.
More have issues with excess flatus, brought on by prison food. Usually in the context of “my cellie says he’ll kill me if I keep farting up the cell. Can’t you do something?”
I fall into the category of people who think bathrooms are where you go to do your business. It never occured to me that I couldn’t fart on the toilet if someone was in there. And I would love to be able to hold it in until the end of the day but that isn’t going to happen. ever. And if I’m at a urinal and someone rips one next to me… hey, that’s the time and place for barking spiders. Better there than an hour long conference-call where your trapped next to a vegetarian who likes spicey food. The rules of chance and fate dictate that at the exact moment your trying not to laugh about it you’re called on to brief everybody on your projects… while your cohorts email you their comments on the situation from across the table.
When I was a kid I read all sort of weird stuff including a book on etiquette(god knows why)and this particular subject was mentioned and its stuck with me over the years.
The rules of upper class British etiquette are that when in a toilet you can fart away to your hearts content and its O.K.
It didn’t say anything about smell though.
For all Wee Bairn knows, the coworker who came in while he was weeing (sorry, I had to do that) had been holding back the fart for several minutes so as not to offend his office mates. I admit I’ve had to do that a couple of times. What’s worse? Farting in a cube farm where a dozen people can smell it or farting in a bathroom where such smells are normal?
I also disagree idea that Wee Bairn’s coworker should have known he’d be leaving shortly after he flushed. I’ve been known to change clothes in bathroom stalls if I’m going from one place to another. I’ve even been known to tie my shoes or finish reading an interesting newspaper or magazine article.
Surely proper bathroom etiquette demands that one ostensibly be oblivious to all noises, smells, etc. coming from elsewhere in the bathroom unless there’s a compelling reason to do otherwise. In other words, you’re not supposed to acknowledge the sound or smell of farts, but the smell of smoke or yells of, “The building’s on fire!” may be acknowledged, preferably quickly!
It seems that when I enter a multi-stall bathroom, there is always someone defecating in there, complete with loud noises and airborne fecal molecules. It is my fate, and I accept this.
Heck, at 12:50 PM in any multi-floored office building with a multi-stalled/shared bathroom, you are likely to encounter the “Hall of Trumpeting Assholes”.
The question is: are there gender differences?
Well, I’m one of those people who is shy in the bathroom, but you have to consider… not everyone has control over when they poop.
WHO…DOES…NUMBER…TWO…WORK FOR?
I am not a number! I am free man!