Drop me a line if you need a wingman.
Hope you’re well.
Ah yes, the emergency-room-concussion-meet-cute. You can really get to know someone when you have to stay up with them all night to make sure they don’t lapse into a coma.
I have a friend who wants to start dating again, which is great, but the problem is, she treats it as though any conversation with a guy, ever, is like an interview for the position of “husband”. I don’t mean that she questions them, but that she comes home afterwards and analyses every little thing, and if she is even remotely interested in him, then she’ll avoid him in fear that he’ll realize she likes him, and also in hopes that he’ll magically read her mind, and come sweep her off her feet so they can live happily ever after. In short, she’s looking, and it isn’t working so well.
I have another friend who dates, and seems quite happy just testing out the waters. She makes friends with guys at work, or at her hobby/social places, and just generally hits it off by being herself, and sometimes a short relationship develops, sometimes nothing happens, and sometimes, like her latest, something pretty cool seems to develop and a long-term relationship starts to develop (and we are all desperately hoping this one works out!) But the thing is, she wasn’t looking for a relationship, or even a date - she just met the guy as a friend of a friend, and something just clicked.
Somewhere in those two paragraphs is, I think, the point to that phrase about finding someone when you’re not looking. Don’t go looking for your future spouse. Go looking to have a good time, and your future spouse just might happen to be there too.
As long as you’re open-minded and not afraid to take a risk or two (i.e, your world doesn’t come crashing down if you hear a no)… then you can be looking your hiney off… and still meet someone.
I just ended a friendship (OK, it was ended for me) by a girl I was crushing on and couldn’t get myself to stop, even when she met the boy of her dreams. Only, instead of curling up into hibernation for another six months, I took stock of the situation. grieved the friendship… which was a really fun one when I wasn’t being a butthead… and then moved on.
Not tried to explain myself. Not tried to get back into good graces (even just for friendship, which I would like back purely as friendship but sometimes you have to face the consequences of your actions). No contact. Cried about it and moved on.
I’ve started working out again and concentrating on work and classes in the fall… but I still have been flirting my arse off, as I’ve tended to do half-heartedly before. Now, though… it’s different.
Damned if I don’t have a date Saturday, another girl who is very interested in me, and have been getting the eye from more females THIS PAST WEEK than I have (or, perhaps more accurately, cared to notice) in too long to not be embarrassing.
All of the above has occurred within the past seven days. Sometimes, all it takes is a belief that it’s not impossible.
And it’s OK to fail, too. It happens to everyone. Doesn’t make you less of anything unless you let it.
For what it’s worth, I’ve been actively not looking for seven years, and have successfully managed to avoid meeting anyone.
You bring up a good point.
I agree that “not looking” makes you more desirable and less desperate, but you also have to be “out there” and go to the occasional bar/cafe/restaurant or go to parties or whatever.
I know people who never leave their house except for work and wonder why they never meet anyone!
I think the fine line is to occasionally go to places where you can actually meet someone, but at the same time, don’t walk around with a huge sign on your forehead that screams, “will do anything to get laid!”
Last year, after six months of being miserably single with no action or interest at all from anyone, one day I woke up and said “hey, this being single thing isn’t bad”. Within a couple of days of thinking that, I got laid. Then a couple of days later I met a girl I that ended up going out with for a couple of months. Then I dumped her and ended up in bed with another girl a week later. Things didn’t work out with her, and I ended up miserable again - and in another dry spell for four months. Then I cheered up, and immediately got laid again by someone else, and the next day the previous girl started flirting with me again.
I believe the human subconscious drives our body language, vocal tone, etc. and on the flipside interprets attitudes and body language, way more than most people give it credit. It’s not something magical - it’s just too subtle for us to notice normally. And sadly desperation is very unattractive. Certainly put yourself into situations where you meet a lot more people, but make sure your attitude is right first. And that bit is tough.
What?