People keep telling me that I will meet a great girl when I am not looking. Is that true? I’m not really looking or caring that much right now, so I wonder if it will happen sometime soon? I think I’m more relaxed right now so maybe conditions are more likely for success?
I’m not sure it works if you are intentionally not looking. 
Basically, it depends on whether you are in situations when you naturally meet people. If so, chances are pretty high. For one thing, I’ve noticed that, after a certain age, a lot of women actually start proactively looking for guys. I’m 24, and I get hit on by the over 30 crowd all the time. (And also very mature 27 year olds. Oddly enough, I also get hit on by younger girls, i.e. from 9 to 14 or so)
I have a more cynical (or something) outlook on this particular subject. My reasoning is that in this world, if you want something, you have to go after it. You want wealth, you have to work hard in school to get a high paying job or start your own kick ass business or some such.
You want a moderatly expensive and fancy car? You stop spending your money on anything that is unnecessary. Pay your bills and buy economical food and that’s it.
You want a companion of the opposite sex, ideally for the long term? You have to go out and meet and find that person. You also have to know a bit about being sociable and fun to be around so you don’t drive every girl away. How to do this is kind of, sort of, discussed here
I am very much in the camp that you meet someone when you’re not looking.
I met first serious girlfriend/love of my life my freshman year of college when I “swore I wouldn’t date”. If she didn’t destroy my soul (dump me) I would still be very much in love with her (part of me still is) This was almost exactly a year ago.
Since then I have been too hurt to try something so looking was out of the question, but while not looking again I have found someone who is making me feel things for her that I haven’t felt since my breakup.
It’s a scary situation for me…but both times I have found them by “not looking”
In the spring of 1988, when Mr. S was 32, he’d had enough years of BAD dating experiences and decided to withdraw himself from the dating pool.
Also in the spring of 1988, I got a job where he was working at the time.
Our 19th wedding anniversary is tomorrow.
'Nuff said?
Covered in Bees: Mr. S was doing just that, getting out and socializing. He’s funny and smart and nice-looking and interesting. But he’s short, and he didn’t have a lot of money or a sharp wardrobe at the time. Seemed like the women he met either were looking for arm candy or just wanted to “be friends” (that is, use him as a sounding block to complain about the studly assholes they were dating). I can’t blame him for giving up—but lucky for me that nobody snapped him up in all those years!
It’s mostly worked that way for me. Another thing I’ve noticed, if I’m in a good monogamous relationship, I seem to get hit on a lot. If I’m in a “dry spell”, it tends to perpetuate itself.
Send me $20 and I’ll see to it that your soul mate shows up soon.
My opinion, FWIW, is not that you find someone when you’re not looking, you find someone when you’re not needing. Like Covered_In_Bees! said, you have to get yourself out there in situations where other people are also looking, and then just chill. I went to such a place Friday night and another last night, and just had fun. I now have three phone numbers. I’m pretty certain that if I went to those places on a search mission for a potential wife, I would have come away with nothing.
Met my girlfriend and wasn’t looking, at the time (Actually, to be perfectly honest, I was always looking, at that time, but I figured she was out of my league).
Of course, however, it doesn’t mean you have to sit back and “let the relationships come”. You have to work for it too. Luck with women can only get you so far, and sooner or later, you’ll have to turn on the charm 
My current girlfriend and I met at a place I really didn’t expect to meet women, so sure it happens.
I’ll go one step further and say that you find someone when you do not come across as needy.
The trick isn’t to “avoid looking”, it is to “avoid looking like you are a whole lot of no fun, with issues”.
Pretty much the same thing I said, but worded a bit better. Also, bring quiet enthusiasm but not eagerness. Be cat-like, not dog-like.
Definitely don’t hump her leg!
Can I sniff her butt if I’m subtle?
Duh! 
When I was single, I detested the Smug Marrieds at work who, after listening to the latest trials and tribulations of my dating life, would smile Smugly and say “you’ll meet the right one when you stop looking for him.” Drove me up the wall. How the hell was I meant to stop to looking?! Stay at home with my eyes closed? Everywhere I went I was hoping to meet someone, I didn’t see how I could stop that.
Finally, in December 2003, after yet another disastrous break-up, I decided I was done. I had had it. I was not putting myself through this anymore. And it was a genuine decision, born of exhaustion - not like in the past when I tried to tell myself I was happy being single and didn’t need a man, but wasn’t really and damn it, really wanted one. No, this time I knew I wasn’t all that happy being single, but I was happier than I was being messed around commitment-phobic blokes who couldn’t make their mind up about me. I was done.
Three months later, I went to my first Dopefest and met Crusoe. We’ve been together ever since and last weekend celebrated our first wedding anniversary.
Oh, man. This reminds me of an exchange I had with my then-roommate’s then-boyfriend. It was the second or so time we’d met.
**
Roommate’s Boyfriend: I have a very acute sense of smell. I can tell when a girl is having her period from four feet away.
Me: Oh. Geez, uh, cool.
RBF: Yeah. It comes in handy. Like when I want to initiate sex with a girl for the first time. She might claim to be on her period, and she’d either be telling me the truth or she’d be lying because she doesn’t want to sleep with me. But I can do process of elimination on account of my ability.
Me: I guess I can see how that can be useful.
RBF: Yeah. (pause). I’ve had sex with a lot of girls.
Me: Mmm…
**
He asked me out after he and my roommate broke up. I declined as politely as possible.
You don’t have to actively “look” for someone but you should put yourself into opportunities and be ready when they come by.
Putting yourself into opportunities just means going out with friends and interacting and networking with as many people as possible. Groups, parties, volunteer work, etc. Just get to know a lot of people. Somebody always has a friend, or a cousin, or a sibling that may just suddenly drop by.
Being ready just means keeping your appearance up to standard (grooming, working out) so when Mr/Miss right comes along something about you catches their eye.
I’m also in the ‘chance favours the prepared mind’ camp. It would be awesome if things just fall into our laps, but they mostly don’t.
You don’t need to be asking out everything that moves, but you do need to put yourself out there. Join stuff. Be up for anything. Don’t be afraid to talk to people you’re interested in.
The key is not caring if something happens or not. If it happens, great. If not, also fine. I think that’s the vibe people think of when they say that love comes when you least expect it.
It’s not - “I was sitting at home playing playstation (like every night) when this amazing chick broke through my window and asked me out.” It’s more like, “I was playing horseshoes for the first time in my life when my errant shot conked the head of this (it turns out) amazing girl. We’ve been dating for two years now.”
Put yourself out there, but don’t expect results. Find enjoyment in what you’re doing and let dating be an awesome side benefit.
It’s male bovine manure.
If you want something, you have to work at it.
Where the expression has some truth is if you look desperate, you may not succeed because desperation is not attractive.
Like most everyone’s been saying, not particularly caring how things shake out is the key. Back when I was in this business, and between relationships, I can’t say there was ever a time when I wasn’t looking. But when it stopped being so desperately significant to me whether I succeeded in finding anyone or not, then things happened.
Not only that, when you are not actively looking, then you’re probably doing something you enjoy (having fun), and are good at (higher status), and are being sociable naturally. If your natural state is “withdrawn” though, this might not work so well.