Ladies, what is it you look for in a guy?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Help me out ladies. What does it take for a guy to get your interest? This is somewhat of a mystery to me. As a guy, if a woman is attractive, intelligent and friendly, I will make an effort to get to know her, but I don’t seem to understand the criteria that women use to get to know a guy. A lot a women I have talked to say that a man’s looks aren’t that important to them and I have observed that women seem to put more stock in a man’s earning potential than a man puts on a woman’s. But what other differences are there between what a man looks for when trying to meet a woman and what a woman looks for when trying to meet a man. I know it isn’t as simple as taking my guy paradigm of looks, intelligence and friendliness and swapping looks for financial stability, or I would do well with women.

I am not a bad looking guy and I make a good income and have for quite a number of years. I am intelligent, loyal, honest and faithful. I am giving to those I care about. I raised my ex-wife’s 3 children with her from the time they were little to adulthood without any financial support from their natural father. But since I got divorced a year ago, I have not had a single date, made a single friendship or even had a woman flirt with me. I have tried all kinds of different approaches and nothing seems to work.

I am certainly not the bad boy type but I didn’t think I was a bore either. So women tell what it is that interests you in a man? Am I just too old and boring at 46 to have a girlfriend/SO now? Should I just get a fish?

2

OK, I guess I’ll step up first.
I like a man with a wicked sense of humor. That’s probably the fastest way to get my attention. I enjoy the innuendo and double entandre (sp?) Someone who can flirt with little more than a raised eyebrow. And the rest is chemistry…I can’t explain it, it just has to feel good. And I DO like the bad boys, even now, in middle age.

3

What do I look for in a guy? A heart is nice. So is a brain. I like a liver in a guy, and a pancreas too, and at least one kidney. I can live without the spleen, but I’d rather not.

4

lswote, I can see why you would wonder. Your age would not be a deterent to me, and I don’t care that much about money, as long as there’s enough for the basics. I do love a good sense of humor, and he has to have personality, something upstairs, and friendliness. I am happily married, or based on your name, and the reasons behind it, I would want to meet you. Actually, I still do. :wink:

There are many things I would look for in a man, if I was looking. Reasonably easy on the eyes is always helpful for a first impression, but after that, if he didn’t have any personality behind the looks, it would be goodby rather quickly. I hope this helps you some.

5

dragonlady: <raises eyebrow>

Green Bean: All organs present and accounted for!

6

Oh, SingleDad! I’m already married! :frowning: If I weren’t, I’d certainly investigate your organs.

7

I’d have to say sense of humor, but not a forced one. Women can always tell when you are TRYING to be funny, and that tends to be a turn off. I like guys who are considerate and show a little respect to women–you know, the standard open the door bit, etc. Of course, showing consideration is a bit tough to get across in first meeting . . . who knows. Anyway, I’m sure I wasn’t any help, but best of luck!

8

Iswote, it’s been my experience that what women say they want in a man isn’t what they really want. Women want cocky assholes who treat them like dirt, but who look good doing it. Anyone else is “too easy” and “not a challenge” or “boring” or “desperate”. It has also been my experience that women ARE far more interested in A) Looks and B) Money (men NEVER worry about how much a woman makes) than any man truely is. Yeah, men will talk the talk, but when it comes right down to it looks are not that important to men in a long-term committed relationship.

I got a divorce about 8 months ago (we’re still on great terms with each other, but just weren’t right for each other) and have been doing research into the field of the modern post 20’s romance. What I’ve determined is that bars are an awful place to pick up chicks. I’ve decided, and this is the advice I’d like to offer to you, to simply actively pursue those things I’m interested in with an emphasis on the sorts of things that the sort of women I would be attracted to would also do. I like rock climbing. The sort of woman I would be attracted to would also like rock climbing. Therefore, I’m going rock climbing again next month. The same goes for white water rafting.

Or, you could walk around the mall with a couple of shirts, walk up to an attractive woman and say, “You look as though you’ve a keen eye for fasion. Which one of these shirts do you think looks better for [interesting event]. I’d usually have my significant other do this sort of thing with me, but I’m between relationships at this point.”

I would suggest method 1 over method 2 unless you really are desperate.

Method 3, and I strongly advise caution, is to move in with one. I’ve tried this and it hasn’t worked out so well. This particular woman I’m thinking of is completely mental/delusional. It’s hard to determine the severity of mental illness during a routine roommate interview. I’ll tell you guys the rest of the story when it finally has an ending. As it is, it looks like I’m moving out on the 7th of June, thank all that’s holey.

9

Damn! Green Bean beat me to it!

10

I’ll just point out that I’m not married… and like vital organs :wink:

To answer the question above, looks don’t mean a whole lot to me, but honesty does. I would rather be with a man with a great sense of humour and dignity than Mr. GQ.

11

I’ve always liked men with a subtle sense of humor, and very flirty. It doesn’t matter what they look like, if they have a sense of humor, their laughter makes them look very attractive.

12

Definitely sense of humor. If a man makes me laugh, he has one foot in the door.

I also look for intelligence and kindness, and I love a man who can act like a kid sometimes and doesn’t care what people think.

He has to kick ass at Scrabble, my favorite game, too. Top score? 492. If a man ever beats that, I’ll marry him in a minute.

Also, I really want a man who loves Disneyworld as much as I do (no Mickey collectibles or anything, I just love being there). I am willing to concede on this point, however, since most people hate the place. :slight_smile:

AND one final stipulation - does he know all the words to my two most favorite songs? Has he at least heard of them?

You sound like an awesome guy to me, lswote, but I think I may be too young - only 19.

Good luck!

13

All organs accounted for, since of humor, ok looks, decent money I ain’t a Bill Gates, but I get by. What’s up? All the women I meet end up handing me the ol’ line “lets just be friends”.
sigh sob
Ahh well life goes on…mmmmmmm CHEESE CAKE!!

14

Nacho: Top score 528 :slight_smile: How many shall we invite to the wedding?

15

I’ll agree with the other ladies. I love a sense of humor. Someone with a brain and a heart would be a nice change of pace. Someone who isn’t afraid of feelings. And maybe a man who actually says what he means, instead of expecting me to read his mind.
I like a great conversation, and I would have to say that that would be the way to get my attention. I find what I usually notice about a man…is the way he laughs, and if the laugh reaches his eyes.
I’m not really interested in money. I make enough for me, which isn’t saying much…since my tastes are relatively simple. This is not to say that I want a man who is looking to freeload! I had one of those for 20+ years. I also don’t want someone who is overly possessive or jealous. I want them to care for me, not own me…
Let me think…I’m sure I can come up with some more. Where are you looking for women? I know why I haven’t found someone. I don’t go out much, I work all the time, and I live in a rural area; just not much of a market here!
Keep trying. I’m not ready to give up, yet…and I’ve been divorced for almost 3 years.
learae :wink: …give me a call sometime, big boy!!! :wink:

16

Sense of humor is important to me, too. As is the ability to have a discussion or debate without taking offense. I don’t understand the chemistry part, because there has been no real pattern in the men I’ve found myself attracted to. Even so, it has to be there.

I don’t think there is a shortage of compatible people so much as a question of how to meet them. I don’t like the bar scene either. Fix-ups by friends have so far not turned out so well.

I read an article a while back (wish I could remember where) where they interviewed couples that met completely by chance. (Broken elevator, traffic accident, that sort of thing) They then figured out what these people would have needed to do to meet each other without the chance encounter. It turns out most were complete opposites and they would have had to go to places and explore things they had no interest in whatsoever.

I’ve been thinking of doing that. Maybe force myself to attend a gun show or classic car gathering or sporting events. At the moment, I’m in the middle of a move, but when I’m done maybe I’ll give it a shot.

17

Maybe you are going about this all wrong. What is it that you look for in a woman? In several of your posts you have commented on how lonely you are, etc. Your problem may be that you are too focused on yourself. You need to focus on other people and their feelings.
I’ve been divorced for 9 years. Of course during that time I’ve had 4 serious long-term (more than one year is long-term to me) relationships, been engaged twice. I take the relationship to a certain point then I break it off. That’s my problem and I have to deal with it. Your problem seems to be that you are concentrating on yourself instead of others. That’s what you need to work on.
You’ve heard the old saying, ‘When you least expect it is when you’ll meet someone,’ and that’s true. When you try too hard somehow it comes out in your personality, or at least that has been the case for most of my friends and myself. On the other hand, when you don’t try at all, bingo.

18

The asshole thing does NOTHING for me. Honestly. I heard somewhere that you should always try and find someone marginally happier than yourself. That’s pretty important for me. Someone who is kind. Who’s funny, but not in constant competition with me to be funny (been there, seen it, dumped it). Someone who knows himself well, who understands why he does what he does, so I don’t have to do it for him. Who TALKS about his feelings, instead of balling them up and burying them in the pit of his stomach. Who sees the good in people before the bad. And just the littlest big dorky, as I am proud to be a dork myself, sometimes.

And, as previously established, men who like kids turn me into a puddle of estrogen.

19

Swiddles hit on a key point: look for someone who is marginally happier than you are. Good advice. I married Mr. Sunshine Glows Beams Out His Butt.

Prior to meeting Mr. SBOHB, I looked for in a guy with a twisted sense of humor, a sense of responsibility who was comfortable with himself and who he was. I got it, I mean, him.

It sounds like you are trying to hard. Someone once said to me " One of the best quotes I ever heard was from you, Shirley." and I responded, mouth agape, " Me? You were actually listening to me? WhaddidIsay?"

“How can anyone like (me)you when you don’t like yourself?”

Which is my opening line ( and the only text) in my soon to be released self entitled self help book. ( It’s sequel: Yes, you’re childhood sucked, get over it and get on with life."

20

I’m with Swiddles. The asshole act turns me off fast. With an attitude like that, inertia, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re still single and stay like that for a while.

What do I look for in a man? Well, I learn a little more with each relationship what I need and what I want and what things are complete dealbreakers.

Honesty - not just with me but with himself - is probably one of the most important attributes. Otherwise, how do you know what kind of a person he is?

Confidence - that he knows who he is and will not compromise on it.

Responsibility - that he meets his obligations (physical, emotional, financial, whatever) without quibbling. That he doesn’t try to blame his problems on something/someone else.

Compassion - that he has empathy and respect for others.

I have only met a bare handful of men with all of those traits, and I was enormously attracted to each. Trouble was, they were all either married or in circumstances where any relationship was simply impossible. All the other things - humor, patience, intelligence - seem to come along with the previous four traits as a package deal.

lswote, I have male friends who ask me the exact same questions you have. Usually it’s after I’ve had to give them the “friends” speech. Each of them is an extraordinarily sweet, kind, and wonderful person. I want them to find someone who will love them and give them what they’re looking for. However, it’s not going to be me for one very specific reason:

To a man, they each come across as insanely needy and desperate.

I’m not saying that you are, but the guys I’ve known in circumstances similar to yours have all been so desperate to find a girlfriend, they would settle for the meanest, scrawniest, most heartless bitch - who, because she knew just how desperate he was, would treat him like dirt, as she knew she could get away with it.

It’s not a big incentive, under those circumstances, to hook up with a guy like that. For one, when someone acts like a doormat, it’s extremely hard not to treat them like one. Second, you never know if he likes you or if he’s just attached to you because you have a vagina and a pulse. I want a man who has no qualms about standing up to me and calling me on my bullshit (and perhaps this is where inertia gets his “asshole” idea). I want a man who is with me because I am the one who does it for him - me, not just a fill-in-the-blank woman he happened to hook.

I hope that helps.

And, SingleDad, you realize that on my trip out to California, I will be going through Denver. My mom’ll be with me, so you won’t exactly be able to flash your organs, but I wouldn’t mind a round of Scrabble or cut-throat Sorry.