I am in a relationship and I’m happy, but one has nothing to do with the other. My relationship with my husband is not great, so I learned a long time ago that my happiness had to come from within myself, not from another person.
I agree with all the excellent responses given here. Some people are truly happier when they’re in a relationship but that is in no way the only path to happiness.
I have never felt worse in my life than when I was in a relationship and things were going bad. I have never once felt lower or more sad as a single person than I have in bad moments as a person in a relationship.
I told an ex once that I would rather be alone than lonely. Meaning I feel so much worse sitting around on a Friday night waiting for a boy (either a crush or a boyfriend) to call, and realized I was being snubbed…than I do if I am single and not waiting for anyone to call ever.
When I was younger I was cheated on by a boyfriend that I thought I loved. I remember laying on his bed crying my eyes out over the impending breakup. I said “what am I going to do now? How can I be alone?” I remember that moment because it was a true epiphany for me. I couldn’t believe what was coming out of my mouth - I thought being single was a worse fate than THIS?! I totally made it a point to make sure I was happy being single after that. It’s been almost 10 years and 3 or 4 boyfriends later, and I’ve never let fear of singledom haunt me since.
I also like the aspect of making decisions on my own. I just up and bought a house, all on my own. I painted my house weird colors, all on my own. I have a sleep/wake schedule that works for me. I watch whatever I want on TV.
And yes, I get lonely. But never as lonely as I have been when I was in a relationship.
Oh, and I am not down on relationships at all. Everyone I know is (finally) extremely happy in theirs. And I feel like I could be happy in a relationship too. But I do not let it keep me from being happy while single.
Absolutely. I spent my early twenties single, and I was very happy. Yeah, I sometimes missed having a boyfriend, but I knew it was the wrong time to be starting a relationship - I was in drama school, throwing my heart and soul and time and energy into learning to act. I also had the world’s best friends, I had great flatmates, I had huge amounts of fun with all of the above… It was a good time.
Now I’ve been in a relationship for over ten years, I’m wonderfully happy, and I’m glad I spent those few years single. Not only was it a blast, but this way I know that I’m with my husband because I want him, not because I can’t handle the concept of being on my own.
I don’t see what one has to do with the other. You can be happy without being in a relationship. You’re in charge, you don’t answer to anyone. You can keep your home however you want, go out whenever you want, etc. In fact, I think you NEED to be happy before you can have a good relationship.
That said, you need to find another happy person or they will suck away at your happiness and you’ll be worse off than when you’re alone.
[OT]Caveat Lector, I’ve not noticed you around before. It’s always nice to see another Catholic (or anyone, really) on the path towards religious life. If you’re feeling brave, I’d encourage you to start an “Ask the Catholic Seminarian” thread. I’d love hearing more about your journey.[/OT]
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I plan to eventually. I’ve only been at this for six months so I was planning or giving myself some time to learn a bit before I open myself up for questions. I don’t want to go “Ummmmm…I’m not sure” to every third post.
Would you rather be hopeful that you will someday meet that special someone or that your current “special someone” gets hit by a bus?
The grass is always greener. Single people envy the emotional bonds of couples. Couples envy the freedom of singles. I can’t relate to those people who act all needy and desperate over being single. How can you not see how incredibly freaking awesome it to be independent and free to do whatever you want with no regard for anyone else’s feelings?!? Savor it!
I never really felt like I needed to be in a relationship. I had friends for my emotional outlet. I have a good career that is both rewarding and financially stable so I don’t have to rely on a partner’s income. I was prepared to adopt children in order to have the chance to have a family without a man being involved.
And yet here I am with a boyfriend, because what started out as a friendship wound up evolving into deeper feelings without either of us planning it. We have a very good, healthy relationship, and it is nice that I can consider him my best friend of all, but there are times when I do kind of miss being able to make decisions in life based solely on what I want.
I think there’s also this commonly held notion that everyone older than twelve years of age has got to be “getting some” somewhere or somehow. The unfortunate and highly publicized scandals in the Church have led some people I know, Catholics included, to reason that all the clerics must be susceptible. They’re not allowed to see women, goes the logic, and the altar boys are there aren’t they? On the other hand, they forget that many situations place the individual out of easy access to the other sex. My college had a preponderance of science and engineering majors, which in those days meant there were at least twice as many guys as girls. But that didn’t mean you had guys hitting on each other from the lack of available females.
These two possibilities are not mutually exclusive.
Stranger
I’m in my early 30s and have been in two major relationships, plus the odd date here and there. It’s been a couple of years since the second one ended – not even half as badly as the first one, thankfully – and I must say that while I do miss some things (especially the sex) I find I’m quite happy on my own. If I really wanted to be with someone I figure I would be doing something about it, but I’m not; it’s just not a priority for me. Should a guy come along, that would be great. If not? My life’s pretty good right now.