My brother has had a string of bad luck recently, in the last 8 months he’s;
[ul]
[li]Had ‘someone’ take £200 from his bank account regularly and has had to wait three months for them to sort it out[/li]
[li]Then he owed £700 to a credit card company[/li]
[li]Not paid his TV license fee so paid £1000 before paying his rent,[/li][/ul]
[ul]
[li]Then he couldn’t pay his rent, so then he was in an altercation with his landlord who he claimed threatened him and so he had a fight with him. And now my mum had an email forwarded to her from him stating this.[/li][/ul]
I personally don’t believe him, I just think he hasn’t got any money and wants someone to bail him out, which has happened many times before, he’s 32, and I said to my mum that he needed to be cut off so he could learn some coping skills in regards to money, because he’s terrible at budgeting, I think, because there’s always someone to bail him out.
My other brother went to lengths to find him a new place, and he didn’t want to move, and now all of a sudden, he’s moved out.
What do you guys think? I said I’d ask you guys to see what’s what. I wish for lots of advice to impart to my mum
This never works out. Owed debt to a drug dealer may get cleared, but I notice there isn’t a word about NOT BUYING MORE. Money thrown after this will only result in this person trying harder to game the system so they can buy more drugs and pay off the bare bones minimum debt to not get killed, arrested or thrown out of their apartment.
Bottom line, the money most likely won’t get used how it should, there are no guarantees that he won’t simply use it to buy more drugs, and you will not ever get repaid.
Back in 1993, I was your brother (given the limited information, and making some huge assumptions). Giving me money was a huge mistake a few of my family members made. I did end up paying them all back (step 9 cost me some serious cash…), but giving me money did not help me.
I’m not saying this with certainty, but it sure sounds like he is an addict, which pretty much by definition means he’s lying. Before you go helping him out, read up about codependency.
I used to live with him, I’ll always remember when we both set out the bills right at the beginning of us living in a new apartment, and after 6 months, he was indebted again, not that I was perfect, but it seems to be a recurring pattern, is it fundamentally psychological, I mean, would him talking to a therapist turn this attitude towards money/responsibility around?
If he gets his legs and thumbs broken and lands in the hospital, at least he’ll have a free bed and meals for a bit. Maybe they’ll also make him get clean.
Just from the thread’s title, I answered “yes, your brother is lying.” I had one of those, too. My brother was always in some trouble (drugs, alcohol, stealing) and was always bailed out by my parents. Yes, he was an addict with a personality disorder. Those sorts of people never turn themselves around.
When I’ve been in debt, I found ways to earn money. In my 20s and early 30s I typically had either two full time jobs or one full time and one or more part time.
Why in the world would he want to talk to a therapist? Talking to a therapist isn’t going to get him drugs, or get his bills paid. That’s what talking to mom is for. And it’s probably working for him, since you’re here posting this question.
“You cannot help someone by doing for them, what they could or should do for themselves.”
I know this by heart because it was pinned to my bathroom mirror, (where I would see it every day!), for a couple of years. (I too have a brother!) But eventually it sunk in deep enough for me to live it.
Maybe your Mom should consider something similar? It worked for me!
Ask her if her children ever tried to manipulate her when they were children. (Yes, at some point they all did!) She probably didn’t cave to it then. Ask her why it was important to her, not to?
She needs to exhibit the same fortitude now, and for the same reason. Only this time her son’s life may hang in the balance.
Wishing your family Good Luck with this hard road you must travel!
Based solely on the title of the thread, my answer was “Yes, of course he’s lying”.
Having read the OP, I’d say it’s 50/50. But it doesn’t matter; nobody should give him any money. Give him 2 grand today, and the only thing that will accomplish is to let him know that someone will always bail him out of trouble.
As he said, he fucked up. Now he needs to face the consequences.
