Suppose a woman has nothing but high praises for her SO in the public, is there a problem with the relationship?
She either really thinks the boyfriend is some minor god or she’s trying to convince herself that he is.
Example of these praises include how compassionate he is, how talented he is (he appears to be some genius all-around musican according to her), and, of course, him being the sexist man.
What do you think?
Does this woman have a psychiatric history? Failed dating experiences in the past? Is her biological clock ticking?
I can’t speak for that woman but when I’m in public and speaking about my SO I sing his praises. That doesn’t mean the relationship doesn’t need work or that he doesn’t do things that drive me batty. I merely personally feel whatever problems he and I might have should be kept private.
I might occasionally ask for advice but only from my closest friends and if I feel the need to complain about him I do it in my journal.
Of all the boyfriends I’ve had, the only one I didn’t gush over is my now fiance. In retrospect, I just shake my head at how “wonderful” these guys were, and the more I gushed, the shorter the relationship ended up being. I think maybe I was trying to defend what wasn’t really a good match, or something. I never expected any guy I dated to be The One, but I didn’t want my friends all rolling their eyes. Or something.
With The Cody, I never really felt the need to defend him.
Definitely need to know more. Is she frequently histrionic?
Way too little info Urban.
Are you two of relation? Or is said lady pissing you off? What does your SO say about you? (if you have one of course)
I never say anything bad about my husband to other people. It isn’t very nice to speak say bad things about someone you love.
Maybe your friend’s SO really is very talented and compassionate.
This reminds me of something which happened recently. It was the last week of our Spanish conversation class and we were all sitting along a table in a noisy cafeteria. The instructor was all the way at the other end, and the only rule was that the conversation had to be in Spanish so there we were fumbling around with our new to us language and the guy to my right asks me, “¿Tu esposo tiene piel blanco?” (Does your husband have white skin?) This wasn’t completely out of the blue as we’d been talking about our lives and jobs and the really random personal items of our lives for which we had vocabulary.
“Sí,” I replied, “pero tiene una alma de un hombre negro y un pene largo,” stretching the distance between my index fingers to a truly impossible length. (“Yes, but he has a black man’s soul and a long penis”)
“¿Dirk Diggler?” He asked.
“Sí,” I confirmed, “como Dirk Diggler.”
So, it could be he’s just something for her to talk about. You know how some people are with a new hobby or interest, this could be some of the same. Certainly, I would find it more easy to be around than those awful people who can’t stop sniping at their mates in public, sometimes to the point you are compelled to referee–never a fun position.
I don’t know about YOUR specific situation, but of COURSE I sing my boyfriend’s praises, he’s a great guy. Good people deserve to have nice things said about them, especially they deserve to have others know how great their SO thinks they are.
Caveat, I don’t just say “oh he’s so sexy/smart/talented” I make a point of praising specific ways that are unique to him that he IS those things.
I can’t imagine that someone who is praising someone in public is doing it to somehow “put that person down” unless they saying these things in a very poisonous and sarcastic way.
Vezer,
No to the first question, yes to the other two.
Eternal,
Not on these matters
Phlosphr,
She is a causal acquaintance of mine. No, she is not pissing me off, I am just a little worried about her because of this. She could be setting herself up for a big fall.
In Conceivable,
I am not sure about the compassionate part, but he won’t know what talent is if he runs into it in the street. I heard some of his stuff. Lets just say it leaves something to be desired.
All,
Sure, the occasional praise in public is all fine and dandy, but she seems to be doing this excessively. Gushing, like AnimistDragon said.
Your thread title is not very descriptive. If you could come up with an alternate title, I’ll change it for you, o.k.?
hhmmmm interesting question… I am very interested since my Ex-GF had this same tendency. She couldn’t stop praising me. Which kind of embarassed me. So I told her that if she praised me too much with other girls those other girls might just want to “test drive” me to check it out.
So she stopped praising our A+ sex life... she didn't stop the part about me being the best thing on earth... :)
I always thought it was infatuation (which she calls love)... now that you posed the question I do beleive part of it could be reinforcement to herself of my "value". She either loved or hated the things I am. She could be compensating those points she hated.Maybe her self esteem is so low that she has to make sure everyone knows that her SO is such a wonderful man so that her own stock rises. Surely, such a wonderful man wouldn’t stay with an unworthy mate. She must be pretty enough, sucessful enough, intelligent enough, and confident enough to attract such a Perfect Man, right? RIGHT???
That’s not to say she isn’t a wonderful woman herself, but self esteem issues can be tricky.
Urban Ranger
Unless she asks you for help with her relationship OR unless you catch her mate talking shit behind HER back, I simply don’t see how it’s your business. Also, keep in mind that to her he might seem like a completely different person than he does to you, for the simple fact that he might treat you differently than he treats her (which is, also, to be expected), so your opinion of him would be largely inadequate (not to mention irrelevant) altogether.
Hmmm, could be a number of things, an unconscious habit brought about by being somewhat uncomfortable in social situations, so she turns the conversation away from herself, and to a subject she feels knowledgeable about.
Not knowing much about the situation, the armchair psychiatrist in me says it’s a likely a self-esteem issue, or an issue of not reallly knowing what to say in social situations.
Is she up on current events? Does she have any areas of expertise? Maybe you could gently and gradually get her used to talking about things other than you (in other words, out of her comfort zone).
Is she fairly young? Shyness could be the cause of the potential reasons listed above.
Barring other issues, (like she has to pump herself up, as someone else posted, by basically saying “see how great I am? I caught this awesome guy” and so on), It doesn’t sound as if it’s any kind of psychological problem, just one of her being not comfortable enough in social situations to “hold her own”.
Maybe you can take her to less stressful situations (such as around family, friends people she’s reallly comfortable with), to practice, and then work up to more difficult social situations.
Hope that helps.
Oh :o
What about “Is my friend having problems with her romantic relationship?”
Thanks.
Rashak Mani,
I don’t think it’s infatuation. because she has been in this relation for more than 4 years. 
Casey1505,
Facts: she’s very pretty, quite intelligent, and holds herself well in social situations in general. It seems rather odd that she would have a self-esteem problem.
CanvasShoes,
Neither of these seem to be likely though. She does not seem to have a self-esteem problem, being rather successful both personally and career-wise. She’s also quite socially graceful.
Oh, CanvasShoes, I love you, you just made my day big hug How I wish she is my SO, but unfortunately she’s not. At any rate, she values my opinions in various matters and I like to help her out because she’s such a nice, caring, compassionate individual.
Wouldn’t that just be nice?
Oh, before I got carried away 
I think she has been more and more gushing lately. More and more of her friends are wondering what’s going on.
Sounds good to me.
Is it possible that you just wish there was something wrong with her relationship?
It would be if I were the only person who think she’s been acting a bit odd.